Apolyton opening sentence contest (revisited)

monolith94 · November 29, 2003, 23:54

Rules

Each apolyton member submits one fictional opening sentence, theoretically something that would begin a short story or novel.

The first sentences may not be plagiarised.

They shall be judged by whomever wants to judge them, on the 1/10 scale.

10/10 - Masterwork
9/10 - Memorable work of extremely publishable quality
8/10 - Above average work of publishable quality
7/10 - Publishable quality
6/10 - A work with merit, but flawed
5/10 - A work that stabs at, and has ideas of, greatness, but is pulled down by many problems
4/10 - A work with too many critical problems that need desperate revision
3/10 Writing from the middle school level, laughable
2/10 - Counterglowesque prose
1/10 - Furry fanfic

The last time we did this, it produced some really good writing. There were no winners or losers, really, but I felt that the forum benefited by having our creative muscles jostled.

I shall post my opening sentence shortly.

David Floyd · November 30, 2003, 00:10

"That's no moon, that's a space station!"

monolith94 · November 30, 2003, 00:11

If you're going to plaigirise, Floyd, pray make it not so obvious.

MRT144 · November 30, 2003, 00:18

The bucket of chicken was on his head fashioned as a makeshift hat.

Nubclear · November 30, 2003, 00:18

"America sank into the sea HAHAHAHAH!"

Sava · November 30, 2003, 00:25

"Two weeks ago, I saw two guys kissing, and until this thread, that was the gayest thing I'd ever seen."

Lonestar · November 30, 2003, 00:59

Sava, try that quote on a board without South Park fans.

"It's another Beautiful day in Lake Wobegon."

JohnT · November 30, 2003, 01:01

Uh, I thought that the idea was for us to compose our own opening lines. Am I wrong?

(Going with the flow...)

"It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly a shot rang out!"

JohnT · November 30, 2003, 01:03

Quote:

2/10 - Counterglowesque prose
1/10 - Furry fanfic

Shouldn't those be reversed?

Sava · November 30, 2003, 01:11

Quote:

Originally posted by Lonestar
Sava, try that quote on a board without South Park fans.

"It's another Beautiful day in Lake Wobegon."

haw haw that shows how much you know... they weren't talking about threads...

I'm surprised, I figured that would take a while for someone to catch. nice job...

Ben Kenobi · November 30, 2003, 05:23

"Eh bein, mon prince, so Genoa and Lucca are no more than the family estates of the Bonapartes."

self biased · November 30, 2003, 05:38

i once knew a man who thought he was ten feet tall.

Bugs ****ing Bunny · November 30, 2003, 06:00

It was at the moment where the first .306 round whistled past her left ear that Shelley finally conceded that burning her Dutch Cap had been a really bad idea.

Bugs ****ing Bunny · November 30, 2003, 06:02

Quote:

Originally posted by monolith94

2/10 - Counterglowesque prose

I'll be interested to see if you can find another non-literature forum that has a higher proportion of published writers than CG does.

Urban Ranger · November 30, 2003, 13:32

Quote:

Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
I'll be interested to see if you can find another non-literature forum that has a higher proportion of published writers than CG does.

Published in print or published on the Web? Published as literature or published as horoscope guide?

Boris Godunov · November 30, 2003, 13:34

"Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, Santa's corpse lay sprawled across the seedy hotel room floor."

(Yes, it's plagiarized, but I still think it's the best opening sentence ever!)

Theben · November 30, 2003, 14:14

Quote:

Originally posted by Lonestar
"It's another Beautiful day in Lake Wobegon."

whilst thou plagarize a radio program?

JohnT · November 30, 2003, 14:16

Wasn't it book before a radio program?

Immortal Wombat · November 30, 2003, 15:18

Sure it wasn't the best plan, it involved too many levers, tripwires and guns made of rusty nails, but under the circumstances it was the best I could do.

Sandman · November 30, 2003, 15:27

As the end came, the screams were drowned out by sound of rushing water.

monolith94 · November 30, 2003, 15:38

She grabbed him by the collar and pulled him across a lobby floor, were she pushed him to his knees; she let her fingers run through his thick hair and smiled.

"I'll be interested to see if you can find another non-literature forum that has a higher proportion of published writers than CG does."

It's a jab, Laz. Acol shut down, so it was all that remained... Calm thyself down.

Also, I forgot to mention that I have now been published in my college's literary review thingy, which is, I suppose, a bit more presitigious than my High School's, were everyone got in...

Q Classic · November 30, 2003, 15:40

So there I was, about to be thrown out of a helicopter, when I got a message.

Starchild · November 30, 2003, 16:43

Just when I thought Monday was bad, Tuesday taught me that you really don't get any satisfaction from seeing your hometown, with its highschool bullies and bigoted rednecks, incinerated in nuclear fire.

Whaleboy · November 30, 2003, 16:52

"For some reason, I found myself only able to deffacate whilst under a great degree of agony this morning. Two sets of mens clothing and an empty bottle of vodka lay by the table in the lounge, a table whose surface can only be described as smeared."

Capt Dizle · November 30, 2003, 17:00

Quote:

Originally posted by Whaleboy
"For some reason, I found myself only able to deffacate whilst under a great degree of agony this morning. Two sets of mens clothing and an empty bottle of vodka lay by the table in the lounge, a table whose surface can only be described as smeared."

Sentence, singular. Amazing the number of people who can't read but think they can write.

PLATO · November 30, 2003, 17:22

The man leaned back into the cool grass after another fun filled picnic outing when suddenly a sail appeared on the Horizon shattering all hope for peace.

(Yes, I am playing an archipeligo game right now!)

Capt Dizle · November 30, 2003, 17:30

Quote:

Originally posted by PLATO
The man leaned back into the cool grass after another fun filled picnic outing when suddenly a sail appeared on the Horizon shattering all hope for peace.

(Yes, I am playing an archipeligo game right now!)

The capital H leads one to believe that the Horizon is a ship. The string "another fun filled picnic outing" is so bad it makes the teeth grind.

The last two words could be dropped. I can't go more than 3/10 for this one.

Urban Ranger · November 30, 2003, 23:53

The stone door slided open silently, revealing a very large room permeated with a soft white light.

JohnT · December 1, 2003, 00:04

slided?

"Everbody knows that God protects fools and drunks, what they don't know is that he also takes a liking to crackwhores like my mother."

Winston · December 1, 2003, 00:06

Tsk, tsk. Traditionally, a good story should contain equal amounts of religion, aristocracy, mystery and romance.

So basically, an opening sentence along the lines of "God Almighty", cried the countess, "how on Earth did I get pregnant?" would be ideal.