Opposites atract each other... or not...

DanielXY · December 8, 2003, 09:41

I just wondered about that whole "we have something in common" thing when it comes to relationships.

From my experience its not that clear cut, but most of the time the women I get with, have indeed something in common with me, while at the same time have some opposite traits.

So it seems both statements are true. But is that just coincidence? True for my experience with rather not that much data (if you only count "successfull" relationship, that is relationships lasting more than a month. That would be 3, going at 4 atm.)

When you observe other relationships from friends and such, there seems also to be some sort of 100% harmony, everything in common, close to non differences. Dunno if thats healthy...

So what do you guys think (observe in your own relationships)?

connorkimbro · December 8, 2003, 09:44

any relationships longer than a month = successful?

I'm not so sure I'd say that.

to clarify, i'd say that a relationship has got to last a whole hell of a lot longer than a month to be considered "successful" . . . or even to be considered a committed "relationship" in my eyes. For me it'd probably be closer to a year or so.

DanielXY · December 8, 2003, 09:48

Ok, the right deffinition is probably not a time-scale, but how much of a good-time you had together.
You could say that about some one-night-stands, thus maybe we should add some sort of emotional-connection as requierment for a relationship...
happy now?

Starchild · December 8, 2003, 09:53

A month? I'd be estatic to manage to see someone for as long as that.

Urban Ranger · December 8, 2003, 09:57

Quote:

Originally posted by DanielXY
When you observe other relationships from friends and such, there seems also to be some sort of 100% harmony, everything in common, close to non differences. Dunno if thats healthy...

Really? Not for me.

MrFun · December 8, 2003, 10:15

Quote:

Originally posted by Starchild
A month? I'd be estatic to manage to see someone for as long as that.

You can't maintain a relationship for longer than a month?

Starchild · December 8, 2003, 10:19

No. I can. The guys I try to have relationships can't.

MrFun · December 8, 2003, 10:20

Ah of course -- we always like to think we are NEVER the problem in any relationship.

Skanky Burns · December 8, 2003, 10:45

My average has been just under 5 years so far. Hopefully the next one will do better.

Q Classic · December 8, 2003, 11:16

year or more is a steady relationship; two years or more, and that's a strong relationship.

Skanky Burns · December 8, 2003, 11:18

I wouldn't class my previous relationship as strong.

DAVOUT · December 8, 2003, 11:27

My friends are generally different from me, only because I could not stand people like me.

aaglo · December 8, 2003, 11:34

50 years of marriage is rock solid
divorce after 50 years is a remarkable attempt
marriage at the age of 80 is optimism.

And on-topic.

Both differences and similarities are required for working relationships.
- If two people agrees on everything (for example), pretty soon they won't have anything to talk about. That's not healthy - unless they can handle things telepathically.
- If two people are completely different, they have nothing to talk about. That's not healthy either - and telepathy does not help here at all.

I'd say you need both of these, but the ratios vary in different couples.

Dauphin · December 8, 2003, 21:27

I don't look at relationships as "We have something in common" or "opposites attract". I look at them more as "we complement each other".

Ben Kenobi · December 9, 2003, 21:34

Quote:

I wouldn't class my previous relationship as strong.

Not even your engagement?

Leaving out the question of successful or not, I'm happy with my current girlfriend. We value many of the same things, probably our biggest difference is that she's not as fond of reading as I am.

OzzyKP · December 9, 2003, 21:48

My best relationship was with a girl I had very little in common with. In spite of that we understood each other very well and connected. We were together a year and a half.

Sadly the fact we had little in common was our undoing as she was adamant about only marrying Jewish guys and I am not Jewish. So our relationship had no future and ended when she went to study in France for a semester.

So blame the Jews, blame the French, blame our lack of commonality.

Skanky Burns · December 9, 2003, 22:14

Quote:

Originally posted by Ben Kenobi
Not even your engagement?

She cheated on me 7 weeks ago.
Which is also the last time I spoke to her.

Boris Godunov · December 9, 2003, 22:40

Quote:

Originally posted by Starchild
A month? I'd be estatic to manage to see someone for as long as that.

My record is 4 months now...woo!

Boris Godunov · December 9, 2003, 22:41

Quote:

Originally posted by Skanky Burns
She cheated on me 7 weeks ago.
Which is also the last time I spoke to her.

Sorry to hear that. Same thing just happened to a good friend of mine.

Bosh · December 9, 2003, 23:01

Quote:

When you observe other relationships from friends and such, there seems also to be some sort of 100% harmony, everything in common, close to non differences.

There's a massive difference between harmony and having a lot of things in common. The first is probably a hell of a lot better, its a lot more important to not get on each other's nerves on a daily basis than both enjoy playing handball while dressed up as ostriches or whatever.

Quote:

My best relationship was with a girl I had very little in common with. In spite of that we understood each other very well and connected. We were together a year and a half.

Exactly

Japher · December 9, 2003, 23:20

My experience: You need to have similarities in the underlying values of a relationship such as finances, what is love, commitment, future sight, etc... Yet, everything else can be as different as possible, and generally the more there is that is the different the more exciting life will be because of it.

When I met my wife she was a hypie liberal, yet we both believe in following our dreams, trying new things, and managing money well. Now, she is a hypie conservative (because of me) and I am more open with certain social issues that I wouldn' of been when we first met... We still chase those dreams, try new things, and manage our money well... Relationships need to be stable/secure yet exciting. The things we feel are required to make us secure are the same, and that is all that matter.

Kidicious · December 9, 2003, 23:27

It's natural to be attracted to your opposites, especially when you are young. Unfortunately those relationships don't last long. I think it's best to make a trade off.