Thread Tools
Old March 8, 2004, 16:24   #61
ChrisiusMaximus
Civilization III PBEMApolyton Storywriters' GuildCivilization III Democracy GameC3CDG Blood Oath HordeC4DG The HordeC4BtSDG Rabbits of CaerbannogCiv4 SP Democracy GameCivilization IV PBEMC4WDG éirich tuireann
Emperor
 
ChrisiusMaximus's Avatar
 
Local Time: 16:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Staffordshire England
Posts: 8,321
I think its fine myself, just a little confusing when I first read it.

You need to define more clearly that Cathy was looking back, daydreaming if you like.

However you would define it you need to point it out more clearly

As I said I enjoyed it and I am very much looking forward to your next installment
__________________
A proud member of the "Apolyton Story Writers Guild".There are many great stories at the Civ 3 stories forum, do yourself a favour and visit the forum. Lose yourself in one of many epic tales and be inspired to write yourself, as I was.
ChrisiusMaximus is offline  
Old March 8, 2004, 18:52   #62
SKILORD
Never Ending StoriesCivilization III MultiplayerApolyton Storywriters' Guild
King
 
SKILORD's Avatar
 
Local Time: 15:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Don't you feel silly now?
Posts: 2,140
Yes, thanks for clarifying what I said Chrisus.
SKILORD is offline  
Old March 8, 2004, 21:48   #63
PLATO
Apolyton Storywriters' GuildGalCiv Apolyton EmpireCivilization III PBEMC3C IDG: Apolyton TeamCivilization III Democracy GameCiv4 SP Democracy GameThe Courts of Candle'BreC4BtSDG Rabbits of CaerbannogC4DG The HordeC4WDG éirich tuireannC3CDG Blood Oath Horde
Emperor
 
PLATO's Avatar
 
Local Time: 10:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: The Occupied South
Posts: 4,729
Thanks for the feedback guys! I tried moving a couple of paragraphs and adding an intro sentence. Does that work better?
__________________
Favorite Staff Quotes:
People are screeming for consistency, but it ain't gonna happen from me. -rah
God... I have to agree with Asher ;) -Ming - Asher gets it :b: -Ming
Troll on dope is like a moose on the loose - Grandpa Troll
PLATO is offline  
Old March 8, 2004, 23:30   #64
SKILORD
Never Ending StoriesCivilization III MultiplayerApolyton Storywriters' Guild
King
 
SKILORD's Avatar
 
Local Time: 15:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Don't you feel silly now?
Posts: 2,140
much better.
SKILORD is offline  
Old March 9, 2004, 00:17   #65
PLATO
Apolyton Storywriters' GuildGalCiv Apolyton EmpireCivilization III PBEMC3C IDG: Apolyton TeamCivilization III Democracy GameCiv4 SP Democracy GameThe Courts of Candle'BreC4BtSDG Rabbits of CaerbannogC4DG The HordeC4WDG éirich tuireannC3CDG Blood Oath Horde
Emperor
 
PLATO's Avatar
 
Local Time: 10:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: The Occupied South
Posts: 4,729
Thanks SKILORD.
__________________
Favorite Staff Quotes:
People are screeming for consistency, but it ain't gonna happen from me. -rah
God... I have to agree with Asher ;) -Ming - Asher gets it :b: -Ming
Troll on dope is like a moose on the loose - Grandpa Troll
PLATO is offline  
Old March 9, 2004, 02:49   #66
ChrisiusMaximus
Civilization III PBEMApolyton Storywriters' GuildCivilization III Democracy GameC3CDG Blood Oath HordeC4DG The HordeC4BtSDG Rabbits of CaerbannogCiv4 SP Democracy GameCivilization IV PBEMC4WDG éirich tuireann
Emperor
 
ChrisiusMaximus's Avatar
 
Local Time: 16:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Staffordshire England
Posts: 8,321
__________________
A proud member of the "Apolyton Story Writers Guild".There are many great stories at the Civ 3 stories forum, do yourself a favour and visit the forum. Lose yourself in one of many epic tales and be inspired to write yourself, as I was.
ChrisiusMaximus is offline  
Old March 9, 2004, 23:26   #67
MysticWind
Warlord
 
MysticWind's Avatar
 
Local Time: 15:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 130
Are the Iroquois going to be in it?
MysticWind is offline  
Old May 8, 2004, 13:56   #68
vovan
Apolyton UniversityCivilization IV CreatorsSporeApolyton Storywriters' GuildC3CDG Blood Oath HordeC4DG The Horde
Emperor
 
vovan's Avatar
 
Local Time: 09:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 5,725
Have you forgot all about this story, PLATO? Quite sad that.
__________________
XBox Live: VovanSim
xbox.com (login required)
Halo 3 Service Record (I fail at FPS...)
Spore page
vovan is offline  
Old July 7, 2004, 22:38   #69
PLATO
Apolyton Storywriters' GuildGalCiv Apolyton EmpireCivilization III PBEMC3C IDG: Apolyton TeamCivilization III Democracy GameCiv4 SP Democracy GameThe Courts of Candle'BreC4BtSDG Rabbits of CaerbannogC4DG The HordeC4WDG éirich tuireannC3CDG Blood Oath Horde
Emperor
 
PLATO's Avatar
 
Local Time: 10:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: The Occupied South
Posts: 4,729
Quote:
Originally posted by vovan
Have you forgot all about this story, PLATO? Quite sad that.
No...I haven't forgot. Life has just thrown me a few curve balls of late. I really am anxious to get back on it. Please bear with me.
__________________
Favorite Staff Quotes:
People are screeming for consistency, but it ain't gonna happen from me. -rah
God... I have to agree with Asher ;) -Ming - Asher gets it :b: -Ming
Troll on dope is like a moose on the loose - Grandpa Troll
PLATO is offline  
Old July 9, 2004, 16:25   #70
SKILORD
Never Ending StoriesCivilization III MultiplayerApolyton Storywriters' Guild
King
 
SKILORD's Avatar
 
Local Time: 15:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Don't you feel silly now?
Posts: 2,140
curve balls eh?

well lets see you kick them right back down their throat and get back to the story.

Yes, a new philosophy, 'When life gives you lemons... kick the bastard's teeth out so that he won't ask you to share, then make lemonade. Because you need teeth to drink lemonade.'

Unless this metaphor is totally innapropriate, then ignore it...

but get back to the story when you're in order...

please.
SKILORD is offline  
Old July 16, 2004, 15:25   #71
Paddy
Iron CiversApolyton Storywriters' GuildThe Courts of Candle'BreBtS Tri-LeagueC3C IDG: Apolyton TeamC3CDG Blood Oath HordeCiv4 SP Democracy GameC4DG The HordeC4WDG éirich tuireannApolytoners Hall of Fame
Prince
 
Paddy's Avatar
 
Local Time: 00:15
Local Date: November 3, 2010
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: at the beach
Posts: 40,904
Plato, looking forward to your return
__________________
Gurka 17, People of the Valley
I am of the Horde.
Paddy is offline  
Old July 24, 2004, 22:46   #72
Grandpa Troll
supporter
PolyCast TeamApolytoners Hall of Fame
Immortal Factotum
 
Grandpa Troll's Avatar
 
Local Time: 11:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Just Moosing along
Posts: 40,786
Plato, Plato

Where for art thou Plato?

Hope this finds you well

Gramps
Grandpa Troll is offline  
Old August 9, 2004, 04:57   #73
Sovereign
Prince
 
Sovereign's Avatar
 
Local Time: 10:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Boston, USA
Posts: 821
Awesome story, Plato. I wish he could have written like 10 more chapters.
__________________
Geniuses are ordinary people bestowed with the gift to see beyond common everyday perceptions.
Sovereign is offline  
Old August 9, 2004, 12:12   #74
SKILORD
Never Ending StoriesCivilization III MultiplayerApolyton Storywriters' Guild
King
 
SKILORD's Avatar
 
Local Time: 15:15
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Don't you feel silly now?
Posts: 2,140
don't talk like that, he's coming back.
SKILORD is offline  
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:15.


Design by Vjacheslav Trushkin, color scheme by ColorizeIt!.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Apolyton Civilization Site | Copyright © The Apolyton Team