You have two cows...

OzzyKP · February 5, 2004, 13:46

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a
man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your
government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the
other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately
they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they
were in the hospital.

IRAQIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
best-looking cow.

NEW YORK CORPORATION

You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick
some cow from Arkansas

MrFun · February 5, 2004, 13:49

Quote:

Originally posted by OzzyKP

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
best-looking cow.

Ogie Oglethorpe · February 5, 2004, 13:49

Good Stuff

Got me to chuckle out loud.

MrFun · February 5, 2004, 13:49

Quote:

Originally posted by OzzyKP

IRAQIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

It's Iraqi -- not Iraqian.

BeBro · February 5, 2004, 13:50

saw this before, but it is still funny

Barinthus · February 5, 2004, 13:51

Oldie but goodie and new versions always pop up

OzzyKP · February 5, 2004, 13:51

Quote:

It's Iraqi -- not Iraqian.

I know. I couldn't be bothered to fix the spelling of whoever it was originally wrote this.

Gibsie · February 5, 2004, 13:52

Oh come on MrFun*, butchering a geographical adjective just adds to the funniness!

*Nah, I'm not the one to make a "Fun" joke...

yavoon · February 5, 2004, 14:05

hilarity

OzzyKP · February 5, 2004, 14:20

Quote:

hilarity

She was the punch line to the last joke.

Dauphin · February 5, 2004, 14:33

ANARCHISM: You have two cows. The cows decide you have no right to do anything with their milk and leave to form their own society.

LIBERTARIANISM: Go away. What I do with my cows is none of your business

ARISTOCRATISM: You have two cows. You sell both and buy one really big cow - with a pedigree

UNITED NATIONISM: You have two cows. France vetoes you from milking them.

BRITISH: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

monolith94 · February 5, 2004, 14:43

I like the Italian one the best. So true!

Japher · February 5, 2004, 14:46

Aployton Poster:
You have two cows.
You take pictures of them and post them.
Everyone says your cows are cute,
then procede to talk about cats and Texas.

Arrian · February 5, 2004, 15:04

Quote:

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the
other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

OzzyKP · February 5, 2004, 15:05

Quote:

Aployton Poster:
You have two cows.
You take pictures of them and post them.
Everyone says your cows are cute,
then procede to talk about cats and Texas.

self biased · February 5, 2004, 15:21

Counterglow Poster:

you have 47 cows,
but don't know how many of them are Keith's AEs.

MrFun · February 5, 2004, 15:57

Quote:

Originally posted by Japher
Aployton Poster:
You have two cows.
You take pictures of them and post them.
Everyone says your cows are cute,
then procede to talk about cats and Texas.

Japher · February 5, 2004, 16:04

@SB

The diplomat · February 5, 2004, 16:18

Iraqi Information Minister
There are no cows in Baghdad! We have no cows! Cows do not exist!

Japher · February 5, 2004, 16:22

Civ Fanatics Posters

You have two cows.
You start a poll on which one is better.
Someone else starts a poll on which one is worst.
Someone else starts another poll on which poll is better.
No one votes in any poll, but Babe Thread CCIII reaches 500 posts in record time, and is filled with pictures of cows.

---

CapitanGarlic · February 5, 2004, 16:45

Surrealism
You have two giraffes.
The government forces you to take harmonica lessons.

I've seen some of these...always classic.

GePap · February 5, 2004, 16:56

AMERICAN POLITICIAN

You have two cows
you claim they will provide milk to feed everyone
you then sell one cow to a rich man, blame the lack of milk on special interests

ITALIAN POLITICIAN

You have two cows.
You sell them both for huge profits
You take your mistress for a night out
Life is Good

Az · February 5, 2004, 17:06

Quote:

Surrealism
You have two giraffes.
The government forces you to take harmonica lessons.

Bereta_Eder · February 5, 2004, 17:12

Greek you have two cows.
You start an in depth expose of marxism and how it evolves to social democracy. Another starts a large expose of capitalism, efficiency and free markets. You talk about national harmony while swearing at the opposite side. Someone brings in Plato and what he said about cows. Someone counter responds with Aristotle. The Church intervenes and asks wether the cows will have the title "Christian Orthodox" in the IDs. The discussions keep going despite the cows having died of old age a long time ago.

BeBro · February 5, 2004, 17:18

Postmodernism

You have two cows.
You argue that you cannot take the risk of milking them,
because you fear long-term psychological damage on yourself and on both cows.
So you set them free, then you go into a hunger strike for the freedom of all cows.
Once all cows are free you whine that there is no milk.

alva · February 5, 2004, 18:10

Quote:

Civ Fanatics Posters

You have two cows.
You start a poll on which one is better.
Someone else starts a poll on which one is worst.
Someone else starts another poll on which poll is better.
No one votes in any poll, but Babe Thread CCIII reaches 500 posts in record time, and is filled with pictures of cows.

:lo:

SlowwHand · February 5, 2004, 18:11

I suppose having 2 cows is about as worthless as it gets.

Nubclear · February 5, 2004, 18:36

Quote:

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

Agathon · February 5, 2004, 18:44

Plato:

You have two cows.
Neither are the real cow.

Hegel:

You have two cows
They will merge into one cow by an ineluctable historical process.

Epicurus:

You have two cows
You wish you were one of them.

Peter Singer:

You have two cows
You exploitative bastard
But it's OK to have sex with them

Agathon · February 5, 2004, 18:50

Asher has two cows
Agathon says "you have two cows, Asher"
Asher, "No I don't! I never did! You liar!"

Albert Speer has two cows
They hate him.

Sava has two cows
He anonymously mails their ordure to Slowwhand

Bill Gates has two cows
Soon he'll have everyone else's.

Fez had two cows.
A communist fell out of the sky and killed one.