July 2, 2001, 18:09
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#1
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Moderator
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Comments on Break-Away
As always, comments are welcomed and appreciated! 
-=Vel=-
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The list of published books grows . If you're curious to see what sort of stories I weave out , head to Amazon.com and do an author search for "Christopher Hartpence ." Help support Candle'Bre , a game created by gamers FOR gamers. All proceeds from my published works go directly to the project .
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July 3, 2001, 01:11
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#2
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Emperor
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Great story so far. I find myself hoping that the good chairman will come to his senses and show Ashaandi the true meaning of pain. I guess I'll just have to read on.
I suppose this should be taken as separate from the SC universe.
__________________
Which side are we on? We're on the side of the demons, Chief. We are evil men in the gardens of paradise, sent by the forces of death to spread devastation and destruction wherever we go. I'm surprised you didn't know that. --Saul Tigh
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July 3, 2001, 09:48
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#3
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Prince
Local Time: 11:16
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Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: looking for a saviour in these dirty streets
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It says a lot for the story that the only thing I can find to pick at is a tiny grammatical error...
If someone finishes speaking but you want to put more on later, use a comma and no capital letter on the denotative. E.g.:
"This could be tricky," he said. "There's a lot of them out there."
__________________
"Love the earth and sun and animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown . . . reexamine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency" - Walt Whitman
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July 3, 2001, 09:57
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#4
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Moderator
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Hey guys! And thank you both for reading! Yep….good point, and I guess it was something I should have spelled out. These are just my own ramblings and should be viewed as taking place separately from the venerable Spartan Chronicles. In essence, the tales that may unfold here are ideas in my head at the time I came up with the splinter factions….how they broke free from the originals, and how they interact with the other splinter leaders…I thought I’d begin with Ashaandi since he’s far and away the most talked about “Splinter Leader”
Damn! LOL…good catch on the mistake! That one sneaked past the guards….I’ll make sure to correct it when I add part two (which I’m gonna start working on….about right now!)
-=Vel=-
__________________
The list of published books grows . If you're curious to see what sort of stories I weave out , head to Amazon.com and do an author search for "Christopher Hartpence ." Help support Candle'Bre , a game created by gamers FOR gamers. All proceeds from my published works go directly to the project .
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July 5, 2001, 12:45
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#5
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Moderator
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Got bit by the writing bug over my day off soooo....here's another little segment....
-=Vel=-
__________________
The list of published books grows . If you're curious to see what sort of stories I weave out , head to Amazon.com and do an author search for "Christopher Hartpence ." Help support Candle'Bre , a game created by gamers FOR gamers. All proceeds from my published works go directly to the project .
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July 5, 2001, 22:34
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#6
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Prince
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Vel, it's brilliant, keep it coming....Oh, and I don't suppose you'd want to come back over to the SC and perhaps flesh out Ashaandi's character (or any other) further ? We're all in need of a little kick in the butt to get us started. You can't blame a guy for trying, right? 
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-Argo
"Work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening."
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July 5, 2001, 22:48
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#7
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Warlord
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May I say that I am greatly impressed by all elements of your story. This is the first time in a long while that I have found myself caught up in any form of literature.
__________________
"Beauty is not in the face...Beauty is a light in the heart." - Kahlil Gibran
"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves" - Victor Hugo
"It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good -- and less trouble." - Mark Twain
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July 6, 2001, 12:19
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#8
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Moderator
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Hey Argonaut & Kirnwaffen! Glad you guys are both reading and enjoying the story so far! That’s one of the cool things ‘bout writing in the forums….the chance to see who’s reading your stuff and what they think! Personally, that’s my favorite part so if you guys have any comments, criticisms, or ideas on where you might like to see the story go, don’t hesitate to jump in and say something!
Hmmm….that’s a tempting offer on the SC….I have fond memories of writing there….awesome idea, and an awesome story. I don’t know, but I will seriously think about it….how’s that for the moment?
-=Vel=-
(back to the ‘writing board’)
__________________
The list of published books grows . If you're curious to see what sort of stories I weave out , head to Amazon.com and do an author search for "Christopher Hartpence ." Help support Candle'Bre , a game created by gamers FOR gamers. All proceeds from my published works go directly to the project .
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July 6, 2001, 13:09
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#9
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Emperor
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Great to see Honshu again. And it's good to see that Ashaandi is capable of being beating once and a while.
__________________
Which side are we on? We're on the side of the demons, Chief. We are evil men in the gardens of paradise, sent by the forces of death to spread devastation and destruction wherever we go. I'm surprised you didn't know that. --Saul Tigh
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July 6, 2001, 15:29
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#10
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Prince
Local Time: 11:16
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Wow man, this just gets better and better!
Looking forward to the next part almost as much as I'm looking forward to your presence on the Unity comments thread (/shameless plug)
__________________
"Love the earth and sun and animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown . . . reexamine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency" - Walt Whitman
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July 6, 2001, 22:24
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#11
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King
Local Time: 11:16
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Join Date: Jun 1999
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Vel,
Excellent, as always. You've given us great descriptions, and fluid (and eminently believable) conversations and characterizations. Glad to have you back!
It seems you have stepped outside of the bounds of SMAC/X, though, with a new faction fighting for life long after other empires have been established, which does not happen within the game. I guess I am a purist that likes to see fiction that generally fits within or explains aspects of SMAC/X. This small gripe will not, however, stop me from enjoying your prose!
Hydro
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July 7, 2001, 01:52
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#12
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Warlord
Local Time: 05:16
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Join Date: Jul 2000
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I love the latest section on Honshu. You have me compulsively checking the board to see if you've added anything.
K
__________________
"Beauty is not in the face...Beauty is a light in the heart." - Kahlil Gibran
"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves" - Victor Hugo
"It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good -- and less trouble." - Mark Twain
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July 9, 2001, 11:57
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#13
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Moderator
Local Time: 11:16
Local Date: October 31, 2010
Join Date: Apr 1999
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Hey guys! Back from the weekend and ready to do some more writing! Sorry for the delay….wasn’t home all weekend, but I had an idea of where I wanted the next segment to go, so I hope you enjoy it!
And Hydro, old friend! How are ya?! I’m glad you’re reading and enjoying as well, and you’re quite right, noting the departure from the “classic” smac/ac universe. I toyed with the notion of having the splinter factions forming up on the Unity, but decided to have that come later, as each leader was able to more precisely “spell out” his/her ideology.
I suppose that from a game mechanics POV, the closest game equivalent would be when you rescue a faction leader formerly imprisoned by someone, and they go off to start again, with the token colony pod and scout.
Ahhh, and SMAC Fanatic, I’m off to go have a look at your continued story soon as I post this!
-=Vel=-
__________________
The list of published books grows . If you're curious to see what sort of stories I weave out , head to Amazon.com and do an author search for "Christopher Hartpence ." Help support Candle'Bre , a game created by gamers FOR gamers. All proceeds from my published works go directly to the project .
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