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Old May 26, 2000, 16:52   #1
Dracon
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Jihad 2000 - my third attempt, I think.
Warning, Offensive Content.

On the morning of the 27th of December Californian Beachside resident Jason Frantz was astonished to see a 60 ft Giant Squid in his front yard.
Pretty soon the press was on the scene, and it was then that the Giant Squid began to talk. It (he) warned of a coming catastrophe, when "The evil forces of Theism will arise to enforce their existence, and the enlightened armies of Atheism must fight to keep their reality real."
No-one knew where this prophetic Squid came from, but soon many people were following it, and renouncing their religious ties.
This angered members of the religious community, and Michael Jeszenka, editor of the radical Christian Magazine, 'SatanWatch' remarked "Any cephalapod that can talk has gotta be full of ****. This ****ing squid is spoiling centuries of hard work, brainwashing, persecution and forced conversions. It's dashed our plans for a Church-State Merger in the near future, regardless of whether Bush gets elected or not!"
Speaking for the Islamic Community, Right-wing Political commentator Imran Siddiqui said that "This squid is talking ****. There are ALREADY enough people in the USA talking **** to talk **** for three times the Earth's population. We have a virtual monopoly on ****! It's our greatest export commodity, so the last thing we need is some ****ing squid trying to take a piece of the pie!"
Markos Giannapoulos, of the Society of Nihilism and Compulsive Apathy, couldn't give a ****.

New Year's Eve, 1999
quote:

"It was as if the hopes and joys expressed by all peoples of the earth
in the millenium celebrations had magically taken form and permanence. Societies actually seemed to be getting along and leaders, of one accord, realized that they could gain more by cooperating than
by dominating. Predictions of a global economy leading to global harmony seemed on the verge of finally coming true."

That was the idealistic Bullshit forced down your throats before the millenium. It couldn't have been further than the truth. For on New Year's eve, as people were getting stoned, drunk, laid, and apocalyptic goons were in Jerusalem doing exactly the same things, nothing happened. In fact, that moment of nothingness spread across the world like a UN Peacekeeper with syphilis. The Gods, seeing this awkward nothingness thought to themselves "what the ****? nothing's happening! Why aren't those worthless mortals suffering?"
So they came down to Earth and spoilt the whole ****ing party.
Jesus and his Christian Goons arrived in Rome just in time to see Pope John Paul II sneaking his first ever peek at Hustler magazine before subsequently dying of a heart attack. Jehovah rocked up in Jerusalem and quickly ordered the circumcision of all the filthy sinners in his holy presence. A bunch of Hindu Gods rode cows into Delhi, and Allah suddenly appeared in Mecca. Africa was stuck with some anonymous ancestral spirit that no-one likes anyway, because those starved out third world countries couldn't afford a decent deity. Lao Tzu, noticing that Buddha was still sleeping in bliss somewhere in Nirvana, jumped down to Asia and claimed it as his own.

This is the bullshit you have landed yourself in, my friend. Use your brainwashed army of Judge Dredd wannabes wisely, Fuhrer, because this is a fight to enforce the supreme reality.
Just think, if the Christians win, the world becomes flat and in the center of the universe, every family owns an AK-47, there'll be no genetics, so the rednecks will be able to screw their sisters without fear. The world, being only 6000 years old, will have no dinosaur fossils, and Men will be the unchallenged rulers of the world.
Well, that's just one of the possibilities, the ending will depend on which civ you choose.

This is the current storyline, any comments?

------------------
Smutty Porn Site
There you go! It is hard to be anally probed in a base in Kansas and being told you are just being ****ed up the ass because you are living in Ohio
- Imran Siddiqui
"I am the world's most expensive tampon"
- Me
Wtf!? No, not Dracon! Anybody but our furry atheist friend!
- Ghost Ham
 
Old May 26, 2000, 21:13   #2
myrlyn
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I for one, was not amused.
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Old May 26, 2000, 22:14   #3
Dracon
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and why not?
 
Old May 27, 2000, 03:29   #4
myrlyn
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To be perfectly honest with you Dracon. I am a christian. It seems to me that you have stereotyped christians as the cause of all the worlds problems. You are not the only one I have seen do this.

Until now I have been quiet on this subject, so I would not be put into the catagory as other christians who used to post here, but there are limits. I guess it is "fashionable" to blame everything on christianity, even if it is only a fanatsy.
Fantasy leads to reality and reality is that
I belive if persecution of christians continues, it will desenseitize people and sooner or later we will see the death camps reopening, and not just in germany.

Maybe I am being too serious but I had to respond. I can no longer sit quietly by if my beliefs are being trashed. Yes even in fantasy.

If you wish to argue any point with me please email me as I will not be visiting this thread anymore.


@end of rant
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Old May 27, 2000, 04:49   #5
Dracon
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Hehe, my little scenario is beginning to do it's job HAHA!
Myrlyn, NOTHING is sacred in this scenario. Even the atheists will be barbequed.
Now, ya'll git back too yar Churches an' pray now y'hear?

 
Old June 6, 2000, 07:50   #6
Cato
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OK, this is really two ships passing in the night, in terms of mutual understanding. I am no holy roller, but for some reason feel compelled to weigh in on this topic.

Satire can be a very powerful literary (in this case creative) form when used to make a point. One can appreciate Dracon’s attempt at satire, although at the end he singles out Christians using some very tired stereotypes which may have warranted a chuckle 20 years ago (actually, Dana Carvey squeezed some laughs out of them 15 years ago). Yes, frequently Christians with other personality issues allow such character or mental defects to express themselves in terms of their “faith”. But anyone who has actually taken the time to investigate the Christian message (or Islamic or Hindu or Buddhist) will breathe a sigh of boredom when reading such characterizations based upon a small segment of the religious population. Want some actually funny and effective religious satire? Go rent Kevin Smith’s Dogma.

In the meantime, Myrlyn (if you do come back to this thread) remember the real message: understanding, mercy, and forgiveness. ;-)
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Old June 6, 2000, 16:11   #7
Dracon
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Yeah, go watch Dogma. Haven't seen that move yet.
But I'm better than that! I am the Monty Python of the Religious world!!!! Are you threatening me?
 
Old June 8, 2000, 14:55   #8
Tsar Grigori
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Here I go, another white male Christian--but I have to agree with myrlyn--i've seen funnier on the side of bathroom stalls all accross the damn country...i don't appreciate the stereotyping, either--even if some of it still remains, it isn't true for all Christians--you might not get so much criticism if what you wrote was FUNNY--try not to be so biased in your scenarios--that's not what Civ2 is about
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Old June 8, 2000, 16:27   #9
Dracon
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Geez, my scenario is already working
Just wait till you read the game.txt. The unfunny stereotyping there will cause you to go apoplectic.
 
Old June 11, 2000, 23:56   #10
KhanMan
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Dracon-Ah, tis good to see another of your scenarios. I enjoyed the Australian Civil War scenario (yes, part of the fun was from laughing at my Australian civ2 mp opponents , so I'd love to try this.

My problem is, the link you gave was to your main website, and I couldn't find this scenario. If it's up there, could you post a direct link to the file or section?

Thanks, and happy developing!

-KhanMan, who is not associated with any of the organized religions parodied in said scenario...
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Old June 12, 2000, 16:28   #11
Dracon
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I don't know where my scenario is online
 
Old June 12, 2000, 19:02   #12
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You can get it here for sure.
I remember seeing it here somewhere.
http://civilization2.sidgames.com/fi...Search+General

I hope it's still there.
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