thank goodness for time travel...

deater · November 12, 2001, 10:52

It was the year 2025, and the leader of the French, Science fiction writer Jules Verne, was staring out the window of his office in the French capital, "Lots of Cows." True to its name, he could easily see 3 giant cows walking around in the grasslands nearby.

Turning from the window, he asked his science advisor "So what is the state of our spaceship?"

"The planetary party lounge is being completed as we speak in the shipyards right here in 'Lots of Cows'" said the advisor. "We should be able to load up the entire population of France and leave this horribly poluted and war-frought planet by this time next year."

"Excelent" said Verne. "Military Advisor, any last minute plans?"

"Well" said the advisor "the Bablyonians have been arrogant and unhelpful since they eliminated the Persians 100 years ago. We could teach them a lesson, capture the cities on the 3 minor continents we share with them."

"A great way to end our run on this planet! Make it so!" said Verne, little realizing what lay in store.

A few hours later the military advisor rushed in. "President Verne, follow me, now!"

"What's wrong?" shouted Verne as they ran into the basement.

"I launched our only ICBM at Babylon at the same time I launched the attacks that captured at least one of the minor continents. I assumed we'd be on the spaceship and gone before they figured out what happened. But our early-warning satelites have detected a large number of ICBM launches in the Babylon homelands... which is why you have to hurry and get to the bomb shelter NOW!"

"You fool! Yelled Verne. "All it will take is one hit from a nuke and we lose the party lounge! And our aluminum supplies are tenuous at best, if we lose those then we are stuck here!"

"We have received word that the Chinese and Zulu have not taken kindly to our nuking of Babylon" said the Foreign minister who joined the presisdent and the rest of his staff in the bomb shelter. "Even the Indians, who only have 2 cities left after the great middle-east war have declared war on us."

"Reports are we have recaptured the mini-continent to the west, and we occupy Odessa, the city that our ancestors had originally captured with the famed french swordsman in 500 BC to totally destroy the evil Russians" said the Defense minister. One of his ancestors had been there at the Odessa offensive.

"I don't care! " shouted Verne. "Do we have any sort of SDI defence?"

"No!" said the science advisor. "We were researching Integrated Defense but because we were focusing on researching for our spaceship we are still some years away from readying the system...."

*****BOOOM**** the ground shook horribly, and with a gut-wrenching blow the entire staff was thrown to the ground. Despite being in a salt-dome 1000 feet below the capital, part of the ceiling collapsed but most of the structure held.

"REPORT!" shouted the president.

"Our 5 largest cities were hit!" shouted the military advisor. "Obviously 'Lots of Cows' was hit. So was 'Dye Hill', 'Gold Moutain', 'Moscow', and 'Smolensk'. Bablyon offensives have captured 'Aluminium City' and 'Southern Resource Area'. Our battleship "Nautilus" was sunk. Worst of all, the planetary party lounge has been destroyed. And Bizarrely, the survivors above ground seem to be celebrating "We Love the Sci-fi Author Day""

"Are they mad?" asked the President. "Can things be salvaged?"

"We can still finish the lounge in 3 turns as long as nothing else happens!" said the advisor. "And I am suprised there are many survivors at all. Maybe the radiation is affetcing our remaining citizens."

"Well everyone, clear things up the best you can. Foreign minister, see if you can pach things up. Defence minister, try to minimize our losses. Let's see what we can do with this mess..."

--- one year later ---

"It's been a struggle" said President Verne "someone summarize for me what you've been able to do."

"Zululand, Babylon, and China refuse to see our envoys" said the Foreign minister. "But India agreed to be on our side for a large amount of gold and technology".

"No help at all! " Said Verne. "Anyone have any good news?"

"We have suppressed revolt in the recaptured Russian cities" said the Defense Minister with pride. "Plus, we have one mechanized infantry guarding the capital again"

All of a sudden air-raid sirens start blaring. "Everyone to the shelter! " Shouted Verne.

*****BOOOM****

Once again 'Lots of Cows' was shaken by a nuclear blast. Then the ground shook again. "We have reports that nearby 'Southern Wheat' was also nuked! Shouted the Defense minister.

"The party lounge is gone again! " Shouted the science advisor. "Now it will take 7 years to finish!"

"Sceince Advisor! What is the status of secret project Omega-Six Reload-Saved Game"

"The time travel project? It i still highly dangerous and could kill anyone who tried to go back..."

"I don't care" said the President. "This is all my fault. I have to take the risk"

-------

It was 2025. President Verne was staring out his window at the giant cows. Earlier that morning he had been accosted by a man in a dark trenchcoat who was screaming crazy things, such as "don't attack Babylon, it will be our doom!" Verne's guard detail had quickly apprehended the man, but for some reason it troubled him.

"Defense minister, cancel any plans you might have involving Babylon. Instead, I hear the spaceship is ready to go."

"I'll see you tonight then in the party-lounge" said the minister.

"Yes, yes you will" said Verne , with an odd feeling of relieft. He didn't know why, but he knew he wouldn't feel completely safe until the ship was on its way to Alpha Centauri.... but somehow he knew things would all work out this time....

General Ludd · November 12, 2001, 11:19

I had a similiar experience the first time I got to the modern age.

zapperio · November 12, 2001, 11:55

Very funny, loved the cows.

Zap

Haphazard · November 12, 2001, 15:01

The benefits of hindsight, civ3 style!

(lots of cows...

)

Skanky Burns · November 12, 2001, 18:34

LOL

thats a classic

deater · November 13, 2001, 04:55

I didn't think people would find my city names so amusing

I tend to give descriptive city names.... so when I start a game and I am on grassland with 3 content cows cautiously watching me, what else could I have named it besides 'Lots of Cows' [I guess some would say 'Paris']

I find such silly descriptive names amusing, though when writing the story I suddenly realized how strange it sounds. I also give cities on the fronteir taunting names ["Aztecs Suck"] or pessimistic names ["Will be captured Soon"]. Some of that carries over from the multi-player games. Though it is amusing if the AI captures a city called "Zulus are Morons" and then heavily defends it.

I can speak German so when I play as the Germans I tend to do the same as above, but in German. I've been playing as the French recently though becase I like the Commercial and Industrial bonus. I *hate* the pink color though.

I like the fact that Civ3 tends to limit the size of your empire. With civ2 empires tend to get pretty big and I'd eventually run ot of unique names.
...and that's enough random Civ3 ramblings for today. I am sure that's more than anyone ever needed to know about my city naming preferences.

deater · November 13, 2001, 05:18

and a visual aid for those interested. The cows are a bit hard to see with the mines and the city-info bar....

star mouse · November 13, 2001, 17:14

I use a similar theme when naming cities. I am into my first game now, leading the Egyptians to great glory over 10 other civs on a large map. My capital also had 3 cows in its radius, so I named it "Giant Cows". Other city names are "Cow Bay", "Giant Horse" and "Incense Hills" (I seem to have almost all the world's supply of incense with at least 7 incense resources). My civilization has temples in nearly every city, and has a whole religion based on cow-worshipping. The Egyptians will soon discover Polytheism (can we worship things other than cows?) and Monotheism (nope).

I am keeping notes and will post a story later.

Jeremy · November 14, 2001, 08:40

I find myself enjoying games more when I personalize the city names. I almost have to do it when playing as the Aztecs because all those "Tecohuitiwan" and "Claxtacala" city names run together.

In Rollercoaster Tycoon I always changed the names of the rides to things like "Rarely Inspected" and "Induces Vomit." The park names were changed too, my favorite being one in a desert environment called "No Scorpions Here, Heh Heh."

Good story, deater.

gamma · November 14, 2001, 16:16

I remember playing SMAC as the Morganites on a huge map. I was sure to win, and for kicks I decided to fill the entire map with cities. I had a lot of fun trying to think up more names for cities along the Morganite theme. In case you don't remember, the names were always "Morgan Something", denoting some company. So there's Morgan Industries, Morgan Chemicals, etc.

By the 250th city or so I was really scraping. Morgan Body Wipes, Morgan Lawnmowers, Morgan Ball Bearings, Morgan Salt, Morgan Cotton Swabs, Morgan TVDinners, Morgan Port-a-Johns...

I did the enemy-taunt thing, too, though it was more like enemy-discouragement. I had names like Leave Me Alone, You'll Be Sorry, Nothing Here...

mharmless · November 14, 2001, 20:00

I remember playing a long multiplayer game of SMAC with several friends over a LAN. Durring the game wars were fairly limited, but some cities did change hands. I was playing as the Morgans, my friends were playing as University, Peacekeepers, and The Hive. All other positions were filled by AI players.

After a short war with the peacekeepers, I had taken two cities and he had taken one. I renamed his two to "Morgan Sanitary Wipes" and "Morgan Prophylactics". He renamed my city as "U.N. Prison ***** Camp".

Bah.