The Adventures of Metaliturtle

Metaliturtle · April 8, 2002, 21:20

((Basically I just made a random map, then renamed Greek Leaders and the civ. Metallia is the result. BTW I know metallica is only a shadow of it's former self, but I am a freak, so gimme a break))[/I]

"Master Metallica, important news, it is currently 4000 years before the messiah will be born, which means only one thing."

The 5 man posse turned, Hetfield, commander and axe player extrordinairre spoke for the group, "we know, time to get civilized"

With That, the Metallians set up shop in the form of their first city, Orion.

"Let us create 5 harvesters of sorrow (Settler worker & hoplite combo, REAL effective if placed near rival borders) to form more cities like Orion" advised the domestic and cultural advisor Cliff. "without cities named after songs we wrote our culture cannot surpass our new northern neighbors, the russians, led by that land-whale of a bad you-know-what, Catherine"

So the plan was set and soon there were five prosperous cities, although nobody felt like making signs so they just told the people to name themselves. The russian border town became known as "Damn glad we not be Rusky," although everyone just called it Damn Rusky.

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Catherine hated these axe-wielding maniacal misfits in the south and was willing to prove it.

"Stalin, prepare the catapults"

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"Metallica, Damn Rusky is under attack!"

"Any good news?"

"We have cornered the Germans onto a penninsula, and they gave us 400 gold for bronze working"

"Sweet, upgrade to musketmen in Damn Rusky immediately,(from a goodie hut dunno how I got Gunpowder that early) and send some harvesters to surround and contain the Russian border so they don't meet up with Germany"

------------------------------10 turns or so later-----------------------------

"Sir, I am pleased to report that the Russians are now down to 5 cities and suing for peace, and our harvester cities say they could culturally control 3 by 100 AD"

"Excellent, let's see what that stupid Catherine will pay for Contact with the Germans"

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"Catherine, Metallian messenger for you"

"Send him in"

"Your um loveliness, I bear a message from the 5 of Metallica, they wish to know what you would be willing to pay... er um... Donate to the Metallian cause, for contact with another civilized society"

Catherine thought to herself, "This could be the perfect opportunity to regain my empire from this rock music culture."
"I will 'donate' 400 gold plus an additional 3 per turn for good faith"

"My liege will be most pleased"

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"Biiiiiiiismarck! BISMARCK!"

It was his wife, he again wondered why he had decided to marry his secretary.

"What is it? I wiped twice! The skidmarks should be gone by now!"

"Some real ugly woman is here, says she's the leader of the Russians"

"Damn diplomacy, allright, send her in"

As Catherine entered the room, Bismarck new he had a primo source for technology, surely a woman this ugly had to be extremely intelligent and surely must have surpassed those Metallians eons ago.

"So Catherine, what brings you to my humble abode?"

"Metallia told me about you"

"You mean you didn't fight your way here?"

"I'm afraid not, their military outweighs my own, I was wondering if you would aid me in staging an attack"

"Absolutely not, according to my advisors, my best unit is a swordsman, and he's scheduled to be fired tomorrow so the queen can have her damn library"

"Surely your industrial might could aid you..."

"No Catherine, the answer is NO, I will not risk the loss of what empire I do have, let's just trade maps and be done with it."

"You fearful little weasel, you are afraid to join me? So be it, I will declare war on you and offer the Metallians a city to aid me, and you shall lose your empire anyway."

"Son of a B****"

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"Metallica! Bismarck attacks unprovoked!!"

"What city Dammit?"

"This one sir, they have already cut off our links to the southern cities, and are fighting like we just killed their families."

"It is time guys, time to Kill 'em All AHH HAHAHA"

"Metaliturtle, you are in charge until our return"

Metallica left the compound with an army of Riflemen to attempt to stop the invasion before cities were taken.

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Metaliturtle · February 24, 2003, 04:23

LOL I found my first story, major self-promotion bump
btw, it sux

SKILORD · February 24, 2003, 17:15

heheh

it does.

Space05us · February 28, 2003, 12:36

no orgies!!?? what was wrong with you back then?!

Metaliturtle · February 28, 2003, 15:00

I didn't know what this forum would let me get away with, it was, after all, my second story.

Space05us · February 28, 2003, 20:59

its kinda funny how no one replied.

SKILORD · February 28, 2003, 23:18

yeah. It was.

SKILORD · February 28, 2003, 23:20

Actually it's not so funny. noone's replied to my new chapter of Legacy either. It hurts....

Space05us · March 1, 2003, 00:30

you write too much

Im going to go read it now. It looks like it'll take me all night, but I have nothing to do.

SKILORD · March 1, 2003, 01:14

Thnx.

Metaliturtle · March 1, 2003, 03:09

Yeah, I am laughing my @ss off at how I get more response when I bump this thread almost a year later.

Lol, I'm going to write another horrible story and do the same thing next february.

Space05us · March 1, 2003, 03:31

good idea