The Jungle Gazette: Volume I

[UnOrthOdOx]

The Jungle Gazette
_____________________________________________
Your light in the Jungle - July 13, 1725


Election Fever Strikes Termina
Polls overrun with voters

As the sun set on the first day of the election, many prospective voters expressed their anger at the disorganized polling booths. One woman, wanting to remain annonymous went so far as to say "Not only did I spend 5 hours waiting in line, I couldn't even find all the positions on the ballot!" Fearing a scandall, polls in Termina were closed early, turning away hundreds. We have been reassured that the polls will reopen today after some thought was put into redesigning the ballot, they were most pleased to send us this example:


ELECT YOUR CITY PLANNER HERE
ELECT YOUR PUBLIC WORKS MINISTER HERE
ELECT YOUR HISTORIAN HERE
ELECT YOUR VICE PRESIDENT HERE
ELECT YOUR MINISTER OF SCIENCE HERE
ELECT YOUR PRESIDENT HERE
ELECT YOUR FORIEGN AFFAIRS MINISTER HERE
ELECT YOUR MILITARY MINISTER HERE
ELECT YOUR MINISTER OF IMPERIAL EXPANSION HERE
ELECT YOUR MINISTER OF ECONOMY HERE

- UnOrthOdOx


More people's discovered!!!
our list of neighbors grows

Long have we known that we are not alone, but few would have guessed the multitude of nations that share this land of ours. Through ingenious negotiating, our emmissaries were able to obtain knowledge of the Russians, Babylonians, Aztecs, and Romans from the French. Immediately putting this knowledge to good use, they were able to regain all that was given for such knowledge, and MORE! Let it be known throughout the world, Apolytonians know how to bargain.

- UnOrthOdOx

Major Breakthrough!!!
new technology opens doors

We are pleased to announce that through our relations with Queen Elizabeth, we have discovered a new technology known as 'Writing'. This marvelous invention allows us to take our universal Alphebet and record it onto objects such as clay tablets, or even the pressed leaves you are looking upon now. Our experts believe that this will allow us to communicate even better with our neighboring nations, and allow easier flow of information.

- UnOrthOdOx

Technology gone bad?
disaster strikes Banana HQ

The recent acquisition of the wheel, and horses, has had some terrible consequences. While the war chariot is an impressive piece of modern warfare, in the wrong hands, it can prove to be most dangerous. Late last evening, a group of men organized a chariot race. This consisted of having bystanders stand around to form a circle, which the drivers would then race around several times. However, in the fifth lap of the third race, a wheel apparantly came loose, causing the two chariots to collide and plow through the shocked onlookers. Ten died, and twenty more suffered serious injury. This made some question the safety of using chariots. UberKrux, though, had this to say, "What we had there was a case of untrained citizens attempting to operate a military vehicle. I urge all who wish to drive chariots to come and get the proper training. We can have you fully trained in all our modern technology in only 5 years! After all, our barracks are the only institution around."
Authorities are looking into who smuggeled the horses into Banana HQ, as there is no proper road to bring them.

- UnOrthOdOx


A note from the editor:

Many of you are aware that I am not blazing new trails here. There have been other papers. Common sense, then, begs the question 'Why will this one succeed where others have failed?' The answer, my friends, is that I have access to one thing that they lacked. Writing! That's right! No longer will you be forced to make sense of a bunch of pictographs and hand prints. We here at The Jungle Gazette will use the newly discovered and universal Alphabet. Now that we all have a firm understanding of what symbols actually mean, and can record them, it is our belief that it will lead to a large reader base. We will continue to bring you the latest in technology in the future as well. Thank you for the purchase, and enjoy our first issue.
- UnOrthOdOx founder and chief editor

[UnOrthOdOx]

What is your mission?
this weeks question to the Political parties


The Democratic Indutrialists of Apolytonia

The DIA is currently one of Apolytonia's largest unified bodies assembled under common ideals and principles. It believes that the only way to achieve our goals and grasp victory is through a strong industry. They place much emphasis on the importance of internally developing our nation, and seek to balance this vital need with necessary expansion and growth.

The general focus of the DIA currently is to acquire and implement new technologies, and indeed their members have spearheaded the effort to keep our nation technologically advanced. The Democratic Industrialists favor strong cities that can produce wonders, more improvements, military, wealth, and science.

The subject of war is something of high concern among members of the DIA assembly. They have stated, "war is a tool to build our empire, but like all tools, it has a place and function, and cannot solve all our problems." To the DIA, war is the road taken when our country is threatened or there is no peaceful solution to achieve our goals. The DIA does not forbid war, rather it considers it a tool used to build our nation.

In short, the Democratic Industrialists are Apolytonians who desire to keep the power of decision-making with the people. They believe in being balanced and moderate, and are always striving to gain new understanding.
Join the DIA Party


The Imperialist Party:

The mission of the Imperialist Party is to bring Apolytonia from the depths of the jungle that we’ve been placed into, and then out into the world. We support expansion of our empire, be it through war, or peace. Our goal is to create strong infrastructure and military to place our nation as leader in all areas. This will serve to provide us a position of power in the world, the ability to choose our own course, and freedom from being forced down a road to victory.

Science is critical to our success. We believe in trading when it will prove to further advance our own science, and believe that, when possible, we should hold onto any technology that is an advantage over our rivals. Once our research is superior to the AI, we should only trade when it benefits us, and preferably only obsolete techs.

We see war as a tool to further expand our borders. To this end, careful plans and consideration should be given to each war effort, to ensure both our success, and the best land is taken. Capturing cities is the most desired outcome of war, thereby gaining territory and resources. We understand, however, that some cities cannot be captured safely, and will raze when it poses too great a danger to culture flip. Wars should always be fought quickly, decisively, and with the best available technology. Our main advantages lay within our ability to control, master, and wield this to maximum potency.

While we see war as a tool, peace is a tool as well. There is a time and place for war, just as there is for peace. War is expensive. Units are expensive. We don't want to lose more than we gain. Therefore, we will always strive to obtain power through peace, rather than war.

We will work to bring continuity and cooperation to the government by working with other groups. We firmly believe in the democratic process and will strive to keep power with the people through polls and discussions. When we all work together, there are none who will be able to stand in our way.

The Imperialists salute you all.
Join the Imperialist Party


The Hawk Party:

Our mission is to assure that our nation will be in a position to allow AS MANY victory types by end game as possble. This requires strong, aggressive military action, especially early, to ensure ourselves a position where Domination and Conquest are possible. Building cultural improvements and Wonders will be done in the times where we are either at peace, or our military is deemed adequate to it's task. Once we have built our nation, we should rotate military with cultural building to assure our dominance in all areas.

We believe science should focus on what is most needed at the time, be it a wonder tech, or a military advance. Trading tech should preferrably be done in return for other tech or needed resources. Trading away tech for cash should only be done when it is either a dire need, or would cripple a rival's economy, thereby giving us a further lead.

We promote and advocate wars that can be won, be they to gain territory, resources, or simply to slow an opponent or deny resources. We DO NOT advocate prolonged wars that will strangle our economy and resources. Before declaring war, our nation should have a clear view of the objectives already in place. There are many civ's out there who will challenge our dominance, carefull planning and adaptation will be required for the military to succeed. We support capturing cities when possible and razing when neccessary.

We welcome opposing views and parties, as competition leads to greater strength. Debate and votes are essential to our society, and we will leave major decisions on what is best to the people, as they are the true strength of Apolytonia. While we may oppose others views, we realize that the enemy lies without, and not within, and will work to achieve a cooperation between parties to meet the greater good. We believe in the Democratic process and will actively work to ensure the people's will is carried out.
Join the Hawk Party

The Hawks and Imperialist have currently formed an alliance known as the United Front Coalition.

[UnOrthOdOx]

Get to know your Ministers
in our weekly interview


This week, we asked an open quesiton to all candidates:
"Should you lose your respecive race, what role will you play in Apolytonia's future?"

Here are the responses.

"I will be spokesman of the people and Hawks Party and i maybe will take an ambassadorship, should Sn00py offer me one." - jdd2007

"My future as a loser?
If I lose the race for Minister of Economy (which is unlikely since I have no opponent), I'll try to consolidate my party, not with too much mud slinging, but with serious projects once the war is over, and by developing intern Democracy better.
Well, there will be a bit of mud slinging, that's party politics." - Spiffor

"I will continue to work for what is best for our great civilization...and not be blinded by party politics." - Apocolypse

"If I am not elected, I would still try to attend all the turnchats and continue to actively post in the threads, since I think this is a great enterprise. I would also plan my future campaigns..." - GePap

"If I should lose the race I will congratulate my worthy opponent and go back to the daily life of a UFC member." - Will5001

"If I should lose to Trip as President, I would do the following:

I would still post often, with all of my ideas and such, and contribute everything I could short of having responsible decisions to make. But I would take a more relaxed approach to it as well, stop attending turnchats, and just generally relax before I run for something again one or two months from now." - Ninot

"Should I lose the election for Vice President, I will endeavor to go on serving an advisory role in our great Banana Republic. No doubt, I will continue encouraging much needed reform of our government and help out in any way I can. Also, it will give me a chance to help my fellow party members who *do* win thier respective races, and assist them in their various assignments.

That said, I would much rather serve our nation as Vice President and continue my term. This is where I feel I can do the most benefitial work." - Timeline

"Patton says it best.

Compared to war, all other forms of human endeavour shrink to total insignificance.
-General George S. Patton"
- Uberkrux

"I will remain a very active citizen until I go on vacation again for 2 weeks starting the 29th or 30th of july (i'm not sure which) and then until the 22nd of august when i start school and will become a bit less active. I will remain a leading DIA activist and push for the people's power at almost any cost!"
- civman2000


"If I fail to be elected, I will continue to try and work with the government to get the new amendments passed, as well as make more, since the Constitution will always be a work in progress. I will argue for Plan Eagle, and try to see it through to its completion until August 18th when I won't be around anymore." - Trip

"If I DO lose the race for ministry of the military, my role in the next month will be as an active participant in the citizenry of Apolytonia. I will advocate my ideas for Plan Eagle and other points of discussion and try to help the minister who is elected make the right choices for the best interest of the people.

My chances of winning this election are slim, as UberKrux is a very worthy candidate. I almost have no chance, because my pacifist ways are considered weak by most citizens of this country. But, I will try my hardest and all I can say now is: May the best man win." - Benjamin_Berman

"... I will continue what I have always done: To spend all my skills and knowledge for the power and glory of Apolytonia. I need no office to do this. Nobody needs. There are plenty opportunities to take part in the game, be it in the turn chat or in discussions in independent citizen groups like our War Academy."
-Sir Ralph

"Should I lose the IE election, I plan to remain an influential voice in the game. I will propose ideas, give suggestions, and otherwise be helpful and active in the game." - Jonny, Current Imperial Expansion Minister and IE Minister Candidate

"We will not fail. It is impossible for failure to occour when two polar negatives unite with each other, and that is the case here. The DIA and the UFC have united in the historian position, and together we have enourmous power. Power to crush all that oppose us, including the Great Banana.

And I only wished that the rest of the people would follow our example. We must unite as a people, together, or else we shall be defeated by the enemy. If we do not, our enemies shall be able to pick us off easily. An industrial civilization will come by completly wipe out the UFC, and a warmongering civilization will come by and defeat DIA. Our enemies are powerful, and only if we combine, unite under one banner will we be able to truely defeat our enemies." - Tassadar5000

Inspiring words! Perhaps we can all learn something from the trail being blazed in our very own Historian department.

[UnOrthOdOx]

Behind the Barracks Walls
By naroB rebboR

Intrepid warrior scouts are exploring distant lands. Diligent workers are digging roads and mines. Wise ministers are gathering counsel and discussing grand plans. But the most vital activity in all of Apolyton today, readers, is occurring out of sight, behind the thick walls of a compound on the outskirts of the capital city. There, in the first of what is planned to be a series of barracks, a select group of our citizens are learning the craft of war. With some reservations (the interests of national security being paramount, and Uberkrux being intensely wary of outside interference), your scribe was given permission to visit the barracks and speak to some of the staff training cadets there. The account that follows records my impressions.

The barracks are a serious place, built to prepare men for a grim business. The mud brick walls enclose a bunk room, an eating and meeting hall, an outdoor training ground, and an armory. Even the officers’ quarters ringing the compound are utilitarian.

Beside the compound, bronzesmiths bend intently over their furnaces, seemingly impervious to the searing heat as they work their spearheads to a razor-sharp edge. The ringing of their hammers starts before dawn and continues well into the evening, every day.

At the far end of the compound, the barracks staff is expanding the facilities, building what seems to be a line of straw targets propped up on tripods. These, I’m told, will be used to train archers.

(Even more exotic martial tactics are imagined. One group of young officers within the barracks is convinced our soldiers might be able to hitch themselves to cars pulled by those mysterious, noble horses that range the grasslands to the north of Apolyton - or even possibly climb on top of them to ride into battle. The older officers scoff, of course, at such outlandish notions.)

Our Supreme Military Commander, Uberkrux, visits the barracks regularly to review the state of the troops. He strides across the yard forcefully, wrenching a spear from a cadet’s hand to demonstrate the proper technique for thrusting a lethal blow. (“Ignore your enemy’s blow,” he advises. “Do not parry. Lunge at the opening he makes as he comes in at you.”) The cadets acknowledge his presence shyly, anxious to impress, a little awed by his imposing figure, but obviously fiercely loyal.

The cadets are raw, for the most part, but they are learning readily and spirits are high. One group has already acquired enough tactical knowledge to be deemed “veteran” spearmen (although none of them has seen battle yet) and dispatched to Termina.

I spoke with one of their trainers. Sergeant Tibor, a tall young man with arms like corded oak, has taken charge of teaching the art of spear fighting in the barracks. Like many of the barracks staff, Tibor was recruited from the whalers who work the coastal waters below Apolyton. He learned the basic mechanics of technique as a harpooneer in the whalers’ reed-boats, hunting the leviathans of the deep. What had been a tool became a weapon, he explains, when he learned to live by the warrior code - an arcane ethos that seems to bind the barracks together.

They do not expect, any of these brave men, to return to their cities or their families ever again. The harsh facts of Civilization decree that military units are rarely disbanded and dispersed back into the “Civ-ilian population” (as they call the city populace). And of course, they may well fall in battle. That is the way Tibor wants to go. “Better a spearman, than a worker, toiling in the jungle all his days,” he insists, peeling open a banana and scrutinizing a group of new recruits stabbing earnestly but clumsily at straw mannequins in the center of the yard. “Better to die a soldier’s death. That’s the warrior’s code.”

[UnOrthOdOx]

Letter to Mr. UnOrthOdOx, Editor of the Jungle Gazette


Dear Mr. UnOrthOdOx:

I am glad that you are able to receive my correspondence. I am sorry to have heard about Mr. Hazard contracting lepracy. I would appreciate any word on his current condition or whereabouts.

Since my last letter, I have made it to the beautiful village of Paris. The Parisians were very happy to meet a traveller from Apolytonia, and several were already fluent in our language of Egyptian. I am still accompanied by the beautiful Clarisse, the young French women I mentioned. In Orleans, she was a rare site, but in Paris beautiful women are in abundance, and I am not sure how I will survive with my wits.

The monkeys have left me, and moved on back to the jungle, I will miss them. Dog and Godking's cat are still in good health and have grown rather fond of each other and our French companion.

The wine here is extraordinary, made from a small fruit of red, purple or green colors, called grapes. To make this wine they place dozens and dozens of grapes into a huge wooden tub, and stomp on them. Given the cleanliness of these French feet, it is a vision I could have done without, but alas, once tasting the wine, the vision quickly ebbs.

I am mainly writing because I have met a rather young muscular woman, names Joan D'Arc. She is the leader of the French. She was gracious enough to allow my presence in her court. She was very interested in our civilization, and asked many questions about our military. Since I know nothing, I could give herno real information, which I am glad as I would not want to place our nation in jeopardy of French invasion. After realizing I was not to give her any information, she quickly turned to other questions about resources and luxuries and the such. I was amazed at how this young women was so adept at the ways of politics. Again, I had no information to offer her, she seemed bored of me, and our meeting lasted less than an hour. She did seem friendly and polite to our nation, but I guess like all leaders wants to know as much as possible about the world around them.

In any event, she asked if I would pass on her greetings to Mssrs. Ninot and Trip, and wished them luck in the coming elections. She advised me to pass on that she is willing to work closely with whomever was in power, and hoped to hear from us on a regular basis.

I will stay here a few more days in Paris, then I plan on heading to the mountains that looms darkly in the distance from here.

I also wanted to correspond to wish you success with your new endeavor.

Finally, I hope to hear more of this judicial system, it is very intriguing idea, one that should help Apolytonia propel itself into a glorious future. I have been corresponding with other parties on this topic and do not wish to bog down you with such details, but this could be a wonder from which all other civilizations seek inspiration, a model of independence and freedom for all the world.

I look forward to hearing from you and I hope to see your weekly periodical's first edition. I understand you will work with Mr. Snoopy, who I remember as being rather edept with graphics, this should go along way in making the Jungle Gazette a respected voice of the people. Please send any news on the proposed High Court, and pass on that, I, a person of no political party, look forward to helping this court take its first steps, and do yearn to return to the Village of my childhood.

Banana Bless Our Great Nation,

Godspeed my friend,

I remain,

jdjdjd

Like what you see?
Find out about our convenient delivery methods,subscribe today.

[Ninot]

great thread (in case any election threads drop off face of earth)

Oh.. and yes, our Emmisaries did a wonderful job

[UnOrthOdOx]

Questions? Comments? Suggestions?

[Inverse Icarus]

i added part to my profile

[Jon Shafer]

Simply because you live in my city, I must say . (But seriously, it's quite good. )

[Mr. President]

Nice work! Looking forward to reading the next issue.

[Mr. President]

P.S. Where did you get the letter from? Can anybody send one in?

[kring]

It looks great. It is nice to have links to all the elections in one place, instead of trying to look for them all on the board. Esp. since when I was looking, I almost missed 2 that were not with the rest of the elections.

[Kuciwalker]

Fabulous!

[UnOrthOdOx]

Yes, anyone can send a letter in. Just PM it to any of the staff (info comming soon, Im a bit wiped out at the moment)

[Aro]

Very, very nice job! We got information, democratic opinions and fun, (even poetry ) at the same time. It's a real newspaper. Do you have interest in a political cartoonist?

[UnOrthOdOx]

As long as the cartoon is not constantly knocking the same party, this is an unbias production.

[Aro]

Well, I like to knock mostly the party in charge, but all politicians are my target and I can happily live with this. It’s just my mission ...
But, if you are really interested, send me a message about sizes of images, editorial policies, deadlines and my payment (that part is a joke!!! ).

[Donal Graeme]

Great Post UnOrtho. Hopefully we manage to trade for literacy soon so most of our citizens can read it.

[Moral Hazard]

Dear Editor UnOrthOdOx

Great work! In lieu of this excellent paper the Apolytonian has decided not to reopen thier doors. We believe that people will be better served if our journalist (myself) were to contribute to the Gazette. Hopefully easing the burden on the other staff. Maybe that's an odd way to begin a job application.

To responds to concerns of my leprosy, I am glad to say that I've been cured. It has however detrimented my appearence (see avatar). The local priest says that, any remaining symptoms are in no way contagious, shortly before before he contracted leprosy from another source. Although I have a few ideas for articles mainly sports and other useless information; I am more than willing to do assignments.

Sincerely Yours.
Moral Hazard

[Inverse Icarus]

i would love to see one unified paper on apolyton, a comlpetel HTML table based well orgaized paper

[UnOrthOdOx]

That is Sn00py's department.

[Inverse Icarus]

partly because i dont want to have to wait for the next issue, and partly because i loathe the DIA with avengence, i submit this political cartoon i just drew up PUBLICLY

(i drew it in pencil and scanned it, so i had to fiddle with the contrast a bit)

[Inverse Icarus]

it's really too bad the dying apolytonian aracher ad the victorious french/american swordsman didnt come in better, but i felt that going over their lines again would fubar the image.

[Nubclear]

Originally posted by UberKruX
partly because i dont want to have to wait for the next issue, and partly because i loathe the DIA with avengence, i submit this political cartoon i just drew up PUBLICLY

(i drew it in pencil and scanned it, so i had to fiddle with the contrast a bit)

That is truely sad, but funny.

[jdjdjd]

Cool...I can't wait for the next one?
to UnOrthodox.

[civman2000]

I agree with tassadar

[Kuciwalker]

This is my badly drawn (took like 5 minutes in MSPAINT) political cartoon, titled "Caught in the Crossfire". [NOTE]The DIA person is supposed to be a priest with his staff thingy or something.[/NOTE]

[Aro]

Very cool, Commander Uberkrux! And the young Jedi Skywalker are a cartoonist, too! Congratulations to Mr. UnOrthOdox.

[Inverse Icarus]

whats that comming out of your head skywalker? and why are you still smiling?

[Kuciwalker]

that's the stick thing whacking me