The Jungle Gazette
________________________________________________
Your Light in the Jungle - July 26, 1025 BC
WAR!!!
Our troops march on America
In response to the recent collapse of our forums, and the investigation proving it was caused by an American construciton company, Ninot called for, and recieved, authorization to declare war on America. "No longer will we allow them to sabotage our buildings, and deprive us of the dye that is in OUR Jungle. They have taken away our sacred homeland and begun to deface our banana's. This atrocity cannot be allowed to continue!" Ninot stated in a speech from his Palace in Apolyton. Wasting no time, Uber mobilized the finest in modern military warfare and marched them boldly into American territory. "It's about time we had something LIVING to shoot at, I was getting tired of watching arrows pierce that picture of Lincoln. Can't wait till I see him in person!" claimed one soldier, another said "heh, THIS will be a vacation compared to all the 'training' that Uber has been putting us through. You can't believe that guy, I mean, does he even sleep? Nonstop! Always driving us till we can no longer move." With all their preperation over, our future now rests in the hands of our Archers.
- UnOrthOdOx
Washington falls!!!
Our troops successfull!!!
In the early morning hours, ourbrave trops marched upon the heart of the American empire. Much training, planning, and just plain hard work paid off as our archers entered the enemies Palace. Lincoln, however, seems to have made an escape. Upon siezing the town, Uber gave his men a days rest, and prepared a field hospital to see to the wounded. With thier capital now firmly under our control, and New York now cut off from the kingdom, we can expect a swift conclusion to this war.
- UnOrthOdOx
Timeline takes command
Our Vice-President surveys the battlefield personally
In a bold move, Timeline
personally made his way to the front to examine what is to become our battlefield. "His mere presence and trust in us is enough to stay even the most cowardly of our soldiers" one commander said. Reports are sketchy from the front at this time, but early indications are that Washington is only defended by one thousand men. "It would appear that we caught them with their pants around their heals!" Uber is reported to have told his men. Again, news is sketchy from the front at this time, we will updte you as soon as word reaches us. This reporter is only sad that he could not have been there when news reached Lincoln that 8 thousand men were preparing to march down around his ears.
- UnOrthOdOx
Our emmissaries at it again
Buying new ideas once more
Once again going to Joan d'Arc, our emmissaries brought home fascinating ideas on a Code of Laws, and Philosophy. Philosophy, it seems, would dictate how people viewed the CoL. With people asking for a
structure of the CoL,
a change in the voting standards,
rewording of past practices,
and whether rewording should even be allowed to begin with among many other debates. Finally culminating in the construction of our own
Code of Laws. With this firmly in place, our emmissaries again went out and enlightened some of our neighbors, for a small fee, and made up at least some of what it cost us in the first place.
- UnOrthOdOx
Court assembled
Your judges have been affirmed
Our Judicial system can now get under way as the appointed Judges have been affirmed.
notyoueither was affirmed by an astounding 84%, our very own
jdjdjd by 85%, Former President
Trip by 82%,
Captain by 81%, and
Epistax by 81%. With the Judges affirmed, cases can now begin to be brought before the Court. First among such cases will be
this case which requests a poll to be declared invalid. Though it is up to the court whether to hear the case or simply throw it out. Look for
The Apolytonian Court to be a place of some activity in the near future.
- UnOrthOdOx
The First Casualties
Banana HQ suffers losses
Years before the war even began, Banana HQ fealt the pain of losses caused by the war. In an effort to garner support from the military, some members of our elite began to torment and openly mock the more peacefull citizens. What began as a night of fun for our spearmen turned into a disaster. In an attempt to show their expertise, some of the spearmen began a game of tying the casual citizens to a tree, then seeing who could throw their spear CLOSEST to the unsuspecting citizen. One such soldier came too close, piercing the midsection. Witnesses claimed that it took hours for the poor man to die. An interesting side effect of this disaster, though, is that recruits in Banana HQ nearly doubled, resulting in a new battalion being formed. When asked about the incident, Uber claimed "While I admire their enthusiasm, this was just plain irresponsible. The responsible parties have been identified and will be punished by being sent out to march in the Jungle for years, playing escort to our brave settlers."
- UnOrthOdOx
Make your prayers heard
Temple constructed in Apolyton
In an effort to gain further support of the Great Banana. A temple was finished in Apolyton. "This will give those so-called peacemongers something to do while I go and take care of business!" Uber exclaimed. "I felt like we should cover all our bases. Not only will it provide a useful activity for those who are not inclined to join the military, it will also aid us in the war effort as the prayers will undoubtedly be answered by the Banana. Besides, while I trust Uber and his army, a bit of devine help couldn't hurt." Ninot told us. Since construction, the Temple has been overrun with people migrating from all cities in order for their prayers to be heard. With such a wealth of religious fervor, word is bound to reach neighboring nations of our greatness.
- UnOrthOdOx
_________________________________________________
We were finally able to catch up with President Ninot, shortly before news of the war reached the public. It was an honor to be allowed to sit and speak with him in the Palace:
First of all, congratulations on your successful election and thank you for your time.
It is a pleasure to have you Mr. UnOrthOdOx. I feel very lucky about my results in the elections, and I'm quite pleased I have the honor to be your president.
How are things going with the new administration?
So far we are fairing well I suppose. We had some trouble to start, what with the election controversy, but we have gotten mostly past that, and were onto other points of progression.
Are you surprised with any of the election results?
Yes, actually. I would have never guessed I would beat President Trip for his job. Going into that election, and even in the process of that election, I was always convinced he was going to pull ahead and beat me somehow.
Given the questions surrounding the Presidential election, are you concerned for polls in the future?
To be quite frank with you Mr. UnOrthOdOx, yes I am. There is nothing worse than a tainted poll. I can only hope that some propositions to end all future vote-tainting will come through so none of the possible unjustices happens again.
Are you satisfied that you will be able to leave your mark during your term? And what changes are you most wanting to make?
I hope we can attain great progression in this term. But by no means will I attempt to be a glory hog. If we make progression, the credit should go to everyone involved, I won't have myself made a hero if that is not what I am.
Of course, I would want the election process corected so there is never any doubt of the results. Also, I hope to manage a way to get more turns into turnchats, get an efficient turnthread system working, and of course a website.
During your campaign, you promised a website that would become a center of information, how far along is that project?
The website is almost ready to be uploaded to the net. All we must finnish is a few tidbits with the Apolyton Administrators and then you should have a lovely looking website in no time. I must tell you, the magnificient work Sn00py has put in has left me breathless, and I hope you all like it once its up.
Again, we thank you for your time, and good luck in your persuits.
It has been my pleasure. Drop by any time and I'll be happy to hear your questions.
- UnOrthOdOx
__________________________________________________ _
Hi UnOrthOdOx,
Hei,
Let me tell you good folks a little story about my journey, btw I am a Viking and I know many of foreigners has a very wrong impression of us. Anyhow on a mercenary trip I was blown of course and ended up on the shore some days travel west of here. I there meet a strange talking people who it toke some time to learn to understand. They were very interested in learning how I was able to travel across the ocean in what I told them was a båt (you may spell it boat if you are unfamiliar with our alphabet) but they look at it and called it a skip. After some time I was able to teach them how to make maps to find their way along the shores but the wood found in the jungle was not fit to make ocean going vessels.
I hear that you have learn this from them and are now planning to build a båt (skip) of your own, if that is the case I am willing to assist you and will set up a workshop on the shore off Termina and I will be happy to take my payment in the form of food (you call it banana?) I also have some of that French grape wine which I want swap with something better (it just gave me headaches). If anybody are interested in some kind of trade with exotic countries I might help with some contacts with overseas friends.
Sorry if my language is imperfect, there are so many languages to learn and hard to be perfect in any of them.
The Viking.
*ADVERTIEMENT*
NEED MONEY!? HAVE MILITARY TRAINING!? BRING ME ABE'S HEAD AND RECEIVE 50,000 BANANAS! ALL BANANAS ARE PRIME PICKS FROM MY OWN PLANTATIONS!
- skywalker
Dear Mr. UnOrthoDox:
I hope this carrier pidgeon has found you doing well. I did run all the tests with all twelve pidgeons and they have successfully reached their destinations and returned with confirmation. To recap, that was three with yellow collars to the Palace Guard, three with red collars to Mr. Godking, three with blue collars to the High Court, and three with green collars to yourself.
It has been quite an eventful first three days on the open sea. The crew is in good spirits, currently we are taking shifts at the oars (except at night), though Dark Lord and Edrix have done much of it. They appear to have developed a bit of friendly competition over their rowing, which is fine by the rest of us. Kring has been doing much of the fishing, and has been very informative to me with his knowledge of the great whales, dolphins and other fish. Skywalker and Kramerman have been working with the many mapmaking tools provided to us by President Ninot's staff, as well as, my friend Godking. They argue many times, providing much entertainment for the rest of us.
Old man Aro, the musician, and Dr. PlagueRat, often sit back and provide us with some music; with Arlo on the saxophone. They will also share some of the doctor's medicine, as he calls it. This so called medicine seems to work more wonders than the wine we brought, but I'm not sure if any of them are medicinal. Shiber and The Viking have taken to preparing the food for us, assisting with the rowing, and fishing, or act in whatever way they can to help. The Viking often talks in the ancient tongue of the original settlers who joined Apolytonia and formed the Village of Banana HQ.
It seems like much longer than three days since we left the coast of Apolyton Village. That day was quite exciting, and a bit terrifying. As we prepared the boat, it seemed as if all of Apolytonia was converging to watch us depart. Godking, ever with his ledger and hardhat, checking as his workers loaded the ship to make sure all was accounted for. The boat is shaped like a halved longways, and then hollowed out. There are four benches, with oar openings at either ship edge. The oars are connected to the side of the boat, so they do not get lost. Just in case, Godking provided us with eight spare oars.
The back of the ship, has a seat for a man to control the rudder, of which I and kring share the duties. All the benches can lift open, and there are places to store our food, weapons, fishing gear, mapmaking tools, writing instruments, etc, underneath the seats. We have brought with us, wine, glass beeds, and other trinkets not for our own use, but for possible trade with other men that may inhabit the land we may reach.
At the back of the boat, there is also open space where we store the pidgeon cages, and where Dog lays most of his time. A table with a bench was also secured to the ship's hull there, and is handy for the map work, writing, and similar endeavors.
As we stood by watching the loading, I had the honor to speak with President Ninot about the trip. He, like me and unlike most of the crowd that was there, was quite somber about our voyage. I think he is afraid we will be lost, as am I, but I will never tell this to the crew. After the supplies were loaded, Vice President Timeline made a toastt; and then the President grabbed a bottle of the French wine, crashed it to the bow of the boat, proclaiming " I christen this boat the AES Santa Banana and may the Banana and the winds provide it with a safe and speedy journey. May the Banana have mercy on all of us." With that, I asked Godking to load the last piece of the puzzle. I had constructed with the help of Mr. Kring, a large pole with a white sheet attached. The sheet had ropes at the corners that can be tied to the side of the boat. My hope is the sheet could be opened when the wind is favorable, and catch it to help us along. Thus far it has worked nicely, though we have had little chance to use it extensively, thanks to an uncooperative wind. This mast, Kring came up with the name, was secured to the hull by Godking's workers.
At that point, we said good bye to those there wishing us off, and we loaded ourselves onto the boat. The crowd was cheering very loudly, music played in the background, and several of the local women ran up to kiss us or give us some trinket or handkercheif, to remember them by. Godking and his workers, gave us a push off once we were all in place, and then Dark Lord, Edrix, Shiber, The Viking, Skywalker, Kramerman, Dr. Plaguerat and Aro stared rowing to start the boat on its way. They rowed at full power so that we could break away from the waves trying to draw us back to the shore. Kring kept beat for them, I manned the rudder, and Dog took cover under the table.
The crowd on the shore could be heard cheering us on, and some musicians played in the background. as we drew further from shore, you could feel the speed of the boat increase as the resistance from the waves ebbed. Suddenly, one by one the rowers released their oars, unable to keep the pace that Edrix and The Dark Lord were keeping. Kring kept beating the pace, a but faster and faster, and the others started beat along. The determination on the face of Edrix was amazing, as he kept pace with the ever more powerful and stronger Dark Lord. This went on for near ten minutes, and the shore shrunk ever smaller and smaller, when suddenly, The Dark Lord let out a huge bellow and pounced to his feet, slamming his oar back. Edrix pounced up too, releasing his oar. The Dark Lord glared at Edrix, who stood his ground. We all stepped back unsure what would happen next, amazed at the site we witnessed. It seemed like eons this next minute that passed, and abruptly the mood changed. The Dark Lord let out a huge belly laugh, that shook the boat, and starled us all. Soon Edrix, releived, joined the Dark Lord. The rest of us happy there was not to blood shed on our first day, all began laughing too.
Now, as I write this letter, Apolyton Village can be seen to our North, as a tiny lump of green off at the edge of the horizon. We all are excited at our adventure, but even the overzealous Skywalker seems a bit apprehensive at what may become of us.
Wish us well.
I remain,
jdjdjd
- edit: it's 1025...not 1050...
- edit again: holy spelling errors Batman!!
. The interview with Ninot was helpful and informitive.
)
You guys are too much.
Can't promise too much, but we definitely need to keep this going and I do have some time on my hands. 
