The Banana is Evil!!!!

rendelnep · August 8, 2002, 07:10

I , rendelnep here proclaim that the Banana that so many of you worship is in fact (not) evil. Look what he has done to our people. The government hass been split into two and I am certain that it is (not) the fault of the Banana god.

I here by proclaim a set of new gods:
The Orange - the god who ccontrol the movements of the sun,
The Mango- god of sorbets and fertility as well as being president of the gods ,
The Strawberry god- protector of the common folk,
The Kiwi fruit- the god who protects those who wish to explore foreign lands,
the Beetroot- god of foreign gods who upsurp the local ones
Pinepple -god of grammarical wrongness and limited vocabularies
The Melon- god of water and soon to be former prisidents
Banana- god of civilised life and innuendos
and
Finally Coconut the god nut of war !!!!!!

edit: added two new gods to show that this religion is willing to admit that was thought up by some luney unlike the religion of some other god who's current name eludes me at this time

edit: renouced the banana's evilness

GhengisFarb™ · August 8, 2002, 08:30

GhengisFarb observes the ranting lunatic in the street.
Local ArchCardinal of the Banana Orthodox Temple runs up.

ArchCardinal:
"Heretic! You are guilty of heresy and must be punished by the traditional sentence:

Death by banana"

(Don't ask about the specific details, you don't want to know)

Robber Baron · August 8, 2002, 08:40

I say we un-peel the infidel like a you-know-what!!

MrWhereItsAt · August 8, 2002, 09:17

This is completely pointless as this issue is in Court already. Go and have a look. But don't post there - the Court is deliberating.

(WTG nye - you preempted a Court case! Were you playing ahead?

)

Shiber · August 8, 2002, 11:03

You are all fools. Fools!
Yesterday, after eating a nice bowl of Banana Nut Crunch Cereal ("They're Banana-licious!!") I've had an enlightment.
The Great Banana in the sky does not want your temples! It does not want you to sacrifice things to it nor enslave the population to build great monuments and places of worship! All it wants is you to be happy, live a fulfilling life and reach the banana heaven.
If you don't like this then you might as well just... nail me to a cross or something!!

Darkworld Ark · August 8, 2002, 11:13

Quote:

Originally posted by rendelnep
I , rendelnep here proclaim that the Banana that so many of you worship is in fact evil. Look what he has done to our people. The government hass been split into two and I am certain that it is the fault of the Banana god!!!!!

I here by proclaim a set of new gods: The orange - the god who ccontrol the movements of the sun,
The Mango- god of sorbets and fertility as well as being president of the gods ,
The strawberry god- protector of the common folk,
The Kiwi fruit the god who protects those who wish to explore foreign lands,
The Cucumber the god of water
and
Finally Coconut the god nut of war !!!!!!

We found a witch, can we burn her?!?

rendelnep · August 8, 2002, 11:29

oh come on, look on the bright side we'll be tear down skywalkers banana plantation if you join my religion surely that would be something to look forward to....
and besides mangoes TASTE BETTER

edit: although I do prefer mangoes to bananas and I would most certainly enjoy tearing his platation down I no longer hold any grudge against bananas.

Darkworld Ark · August 8, 2002, 11:33

Quote:

Originally posted by rendelnep
oh come on, look on the bright side we'll be tear down skywalkers banana plantation if you join my religion surely that would be something to look forward to....
and besides mangoes TASTE BETTER

The only religion I belong to is the Religion of the Pickled Beet! *Grabs box of Pickled Beets from nearby store & runs back to Hermit Hut in jungles outside of Apolyton*

rendelnep · August 8, 2002, 11:38

Not to sure about beets I supose they are alright although they are vegetablespersonally I would tolerate any fruit or vegetable related worship so long as they aren't bananas!!!

edit: please ignore the following statement:'so long as they aren't bananas!!!'

Epistax · August 8, 2002, 11:39

Lol you don't undestand how appropriate this is!!

rendelnep · August 8, 2002, 11:44

tell you what I did look at that court case and Well i kind of felt that heck why doesn't some body set there own religion before monotheism comesd out we are due for a laugh

Apocalypse · August 8, 2002, 11:46

Do you find that court thread entertaining, BTW? I was trying to be mostly serious until that BNA thing came up.

rendelnep · August 8, 2002, 11:56

Well I can see you were trying to be serious but such a matter frankly does have a humorous side to it. However I have one important question why, dare I ask, bananas?
Mangoes taste better and they are not as camp and they have yellow flesh. Surely they could represent the Apolytonian religion as equally if not better than the banana.

edit: made adjustments to my grammar
edit: I noww belive that magoes are equal to bananas

Epistax · August 8, 2002, 12:02

I did not see a way to be completely serious about that topic. The very accusation is flawed

Shiber · August 8, 2002, 12:38

I deny my former statements. The true, all-powerful god is the god of improper grammar. He truly reigns supreme.
You cannot possibly resist him! You isn't able to! <== See? He controls my grammar too and he can mend it to his every will!!

MJW · August 8, 2002, 12:52

What's the point of this?

Epistax · August 8, 2002, 13:24

MJW you're just jealous you didn't do this thread first

Captain · August 8, 2002, 13:52

it's spam, but it's funny spam. at least it's entertaining!

rendelnep · August 8, 2002, 14:06

can we have more posts from other religious zealots threatening to skin me alive or saying 'Rendel I am a believer, lets go and burn skywalker plantation' and less of this 'Huh whats going on???'

Aro · August 8, 2002, 14:18

Quote:

Originally posted by Captain
it's spam, but it's funny spam. at least it's entertaining!

Agreed. We have more spam than every other civ site. Despite this (maybe just because), the people flock to us… 260 citizens until now.
Oh, and finally I can use this:

Aro · August 8, 2002, 15:16

Quote:

Originally posted by Shiber
I deny my former statements. The true, all-powerful god is the god of improper grammar. He truly reigns supreme.
You cannot possibly resist him! You isn't able to! <== See? He controls my grammar too and he can mend it to his every will!!

Mr. Shiber,
As you can see in my posts, I'm a believer.

Mr. Rendenelp,
Are you a martyr? If so, I must advise you, people here are sadistic and nasty, and they can send your soul to Banana’s Heaven, or even the Mango’s Heaven in many painful ways. Burned, decapitated, crucified, impaled, in little pieces… Not to mention “death by banana”, don’t ask, as said by Mr. GhengisFarb.

By other hand, if you are starting a counter-revolution ('Rendel I am a believer, lets go and burn skywalker plantation'), here is another advice: be careful, Mr. Skywalker is a very rich and powerful man, with his own little private army. Nice guys. You will be a martyr in the same way…
Btw, the only true God is gOd. The Great Banana and The God of Improper Grammar are distinct aspects of His divinity. Ask everyone…

May Banana bless you and save your immortal soul

Captain · August 8, 2002, 15:25

Quote:

Btw, the only true God is gOd. The Great Banana and The God of Improper Grammar are distinct aspects of His divinity. Ask everyone…

a Trinity!!! but we don't even have monotheism yet!

Aro · August 8, 2002, 16:03

You’re right! I’m heretic!
Thanks, Captain, to open my eyes. Now I’m beginning to see the light! Err… the lights. Many Gods, many lights…

rendelnep · August 8, 2002, 16:15

I dont know aro I just want a cult of my own is that too much to ask?

CapitanGarlic · August 8, 2002, 16:29

a cult?

where do I sign?

rendelnep · August 8, 2002, 16:36

hurray right here sir

Aro · August 8, 2002, 16:37

No, is not too much. We are polytheists! For 40 turns, at least you will be safe. After this… well, it’s your soul. Actually, the problem will be your body. It’s not immortal, you know...
Btw, I like mangoes... But please, don't tell anybody, I'll deny!

Shiber · August 8, 2002, 16:41

Is this one of those cults where they tell you that if you mail them a check they will tell you the true meaning of life and you mail a huge check but their letter never comes, and you wonder "Oh it must have been lost in the mail 'cause that drunken homeless guy in the bar who tipped me off about this cult looked very reliable"?
Or is it the one where they tell you that if you call them in the next 15 minutes they'll throw in a bonus automatic banana pealer absolutely free? Oh wait, that's the home shopping channel... it's kind of a cult though, come to think about it.

rendelnep · August 8, 2002, 16:55

Firstly Aro don't worry I understand and shieber not really it's more of the type of cult which aims to contend with the major religion and eventually kill it off or take half of its supporters.
I would now like to further explain the basis for the religion basically the religion state All of the gods (except the banana) resides in a fruit bowl. the reason why the banana is evil is because of their tendency to rot the other fruit.

edit I will repeat the following the banana is not in fact evil merely a innuendo and therefore a pervert

themagicbanana · August 8, 2002, 18:29

Quote:

Originally posted by rendelnep
I , rendelnep here proclaim that the Banana that so many of you worship is in fact (not) evil. Look what he has done to our people. The government hass been split into two and I am certain that it is (not) the fault of the Banana god.

I here by proclaim a set of new gods:
The orange - the god who ccontrol the movements of the sun,
The Mango- god of sorbets and fertility as well as being president of the gods ,
The strawberry god- protector of the common folk,
The Kiwi fruit- the god who protects those who wish to explore foreign lands,
the beetroot- god of foreign gods who upsurp the local ones
Apple -god of grammarical wrongness and limited vocabularies
The Cucumber the god of water
Banana- god of civilised life and innuendos
and
Finally Coconut the god nut of war !!!!!!

edit: added two new gods to show that this religion is willing to admit that was thought up by some luney unlike the religion of some other god who's current name eludes me at this time

edit: renouced the banana's evilness

The Banana shall punish you and your followers for your ways.Except no bananas to grow this year....and more bad things will happen.we let you win the war with america, but just be wary of future wars you idiot.

banana