Aftermath from the front...An International Report of the Uprising in Apolytonia

History Guy · August 15, 2002, 19:09

As I, Gaius Publius History Guy, late historian of the Apolytonian government, walked through the streets of Apolyton City two days ago, I saw smoke arising from the Senate building itself. I was horrified, and dropping my books and my pen, I ran on in the direction of the unfolding rebellion, though at the time, I was quite unsure as to what it all was.

As I turned the bend of the old Imperial Street (dedicated to King Ming the Troll-Smiter himself), I saw before my eyes a huge, angry mob, armed to the teeth, and led by men such as our great General Uberkrux and Mr. Where Its At. The smoke, I noticed, came from the huge torches that many of the men carried in their hands. Uberkrux, obviously the man in command of the whole scene, was swinging his famed sword 'Lincoln-Stinger' in the air, reminding the people of the follies of our President Ninot and his Vice-President, and shouting to us the glories of our former president, the saintly Trip.

I stood back, at first, shocked by the scene before me, thou I quickly recovered my wits. I knew myself that Uberkrux was right, the current administration was the wrong one, and it was sinking into despotism and decadence. I quickly abandoned my post as historian (for reasons of lack of time), and unsheathed my dagger, as I had done at Washington some time before. I then myself joined Uberkrux's band of men in front of the Senate building itself. Every thousand of us stood there, in the rain, chanting for the overthrow of the government. Nothing happened.

Senate officials and staff gradually poured down the steps to get out of the way, wondering what on earth to do, a few of the braver ones joining our huge party, our band of brothers. And now, on this St. Crispin's Day, Uberkrux led us on to another victory, to overthrow this wrongheaded government, and replace it with one better qualified, one that would dole out liberty and banana for all. It was then, with the chanting reaching a crescendo, that Mr. Where Its At whispered in the ear of the general, and he waved his sword, shouting, "Onward, men, onward! We shall today be given either liberty or death!"

The mob surged forth, like the tide upon the sea-shore, running up the venerable steps of the venerable building inside, rushing in masses through the huge doors, and into the giant hallway beyond, throwing aside all who opposed us. I myself took down a heavy security guard with a punch to the jaw, before realizing that he was my brother-in-law. After realizing this, I punched him again and tossed him over a desk.

Uberkrux fought as the best of us, going berserk in this moment of glory, flooring every guard before us with a swing of his gloried sword. We were soaked with glory that day.

"You, sir," he said, pointing to the President, who stood by the big windows, "have brought misery to the land. Now, I declare your rule anathema, sir. It is finished." Ninot hung his head in despair, giving in, for he was, in a way, a noble soul. The Vice President was also, but he didn't give in so easily. He himself wrestled Uberkrux over a table, trying to bring down a large Greek vase atop his skull, but Uberkrux took him down with a strike of his fist. As the Vice President reeled, the vase came down upon his head, rendering him senseless. The rebellion was, in under ten minutes, over. The army was faithful to Uberkrux, not for one minute intervening in the matter.

Now, men, we stand here, ready to rebuild this tarnished land, ready to restore it to a truly well-run empire and civilization. You must all vote for the man we truly need as President of our civilization, only you can ensure our survival as a nation. Vote well, we hold our future in our hands. God bless Apolytonia.

rendelnep · August 15, 2002, 19:26

Quote:

You must all vote for the man we truly need as President of our civilization, only you can ensure our survival as a nation

what you mean the banana?

notyoueither · August 15, 2002, 19:31

Hmmm. I didn't notice a commotion in the Senate. I must have been asleep.

Captain · August 15, 2002, 19:32

Such revisionism! Clearly this is a fabrication of what really went on, if one cares to follow the revolution thread. Worthy of a call for impeachment if there ever was one! Is this a case where party politics (UFC lackey! you shame your party!) supersedes the minister's duty to tell the history of our nation accurately? Certainly, for he claims to have left this post to join the uprising. Though some freedom for embellishment is fair, this is just patently false.

Surely the historian knows that the revolution failed and that the heralded ringleader Uberkrux himself re-aligned himself with the proper authorities once he was promised some reforms.

Surely the historian would take it upon himself to check the facts before proceeding? No revolution occurred, though the threat was sufficient to cause the government to hastily propose several ideas and rekindle others -such as that of the turnthread - though adopting those reforms will wait until the new administration is elected.

Fortunately, we are already at a crossroads and the winds of change will sweep our lands once more, so there is no need for further lies to promote a failed revolution.

Kuciwalker · August 15, 2002, 19:34

Did Apolyton go into revolt for a turn?

GodKing · August 15, 2002, 19:37

I suspect he was mearly eating some of those wild mushrooms he has growing in his beard. Perhaps we should invent the shower?

OPD · August 15, 2002, 19:50

Quote:

Originally posted by skywalker
Did Apolyton go into revolt for a turn?

Yes.
I'm surprised you know as the cover up was quite thorough.
I remember it as though it was yesterday. In the aftermath a blood oath was sworn by all present to not reveal the revolt for as long as the current administration was in power. It is only now when a new day in our civilization is dawning that such facts can come to light.

Captain · August 15, 2002, 19:56

two revolutions?

Ninot · August 15, 2002, 21:00

this truly is a farce of a view of history

even Uber admitts the second government was a pretty decent one

No offense to you personally History Guy, but i spit on this report :P

adaMada · August 15, 2002, 21:06

Quote:

Originally posted by Ninot
this truly is a farce of a view of history

even Uber admitts the second government was a pretty decent one

No offense to you personally History Guy, but i spit on this report :P

And you did NOT have sex with that woman, right Ninot?

Ninot · August 15, 2002, 21:12

Quote:

Originally posted by adaMada

And you did NOT have sex with that woman, right Ninot?

hey hey... dont get off topic now.. that woman has nothing to do with this

Ninot · August 15, 2002, 21:24

Quote:

Originally posted by Ninot

hey hey... dont get off topic now.. that woman has nothing to do with this

btw, i just noticed something

how is the report International?

adaMada · August 15, 2002, 21:41

Quote:

Originally posted by Ninot

btw, i just noticed something

how is the report International?

Easy.

A brief summery of the report was published in "The Tripple Bannana", BHQ's number one source of high quality Bannana pornography, along with pictures of the many bananas that were stripped of their peels during the rioting. (Don't ask me why, people are sick.

As such, the report became international, since you know that all those sick Americans are subscribers...

-- adaMada

Ninot · August 15, 2002, 21:43

Quote:

Originally posted by adaMada

Easy.

A brief summery of the report was published in "The Tripple Bannana", BHQ's number one source of high quality Bannana pornography, along with pictures of the many bananas that were stripped of their peels during the rioting. (Don't ask me why, people are sick.

As such, the report became international, since you know that all those sick Americans are subscribers...

-- adaMada

heh, that explanation reminded me of one a certain friend would regularly produce, but hes kinda away, so ive been missing my fill
it hit a string

History Guy · August 15, 2002, 21:51

Didn't like it, eh? Ah well...neither did I...

But hey! Since when am I still historian? Didn't I resign, eh?

Ninot · August 15, 2002, 21:53

Quote:

Originally posted by History Guy
Didn't like it, eh? Ah well...neither did I...

But hey! Since when am I still historian? Didn't I resign, eh?

Bah, i dunno.

i disallowed an election for historian this term, so its not like its an official view anyways

and be sure, ill have a nice UN-biased history post up in due time. well... maybe a little biased

History Guy · August 15, 2002, 22:24

BIASED?! What?! What kinda historian is that??!! Errrr...ummm...well...at least I ain't ne'er biased!

Ninot · August 15, 2002, 22:34

Quote:

Originally posted by History Guy
BIASED?! What?! What kinda historian is that??!! Errrr...ummm...well...at least I ain't ne'er biased!

/me pictures all the monumental scandals he can create for History Guy to have been involved in.

Who wants to hear about the time History Guy made out with a monkey?

i have no ill feelings, honestly... but there is no way i can accept this as report. To be honest, i would very much like it withdrawn. It does no justice to any of the work the government did this past term.

And, it makes no sense at all that a government would allows a historian to live if he were bad-mouthing the ruling despot

it is as illegitimate as my 30 kids.

MrWhereItsAt · August 17, 2002, 13:15

Quote:

Originally posted by Ninot
it is as illegitimate as my 30 kids.

But just as much fun to create, by the looks of it.

This report has merit as propaganda, tho', surely. And when I am Prez, surely there is nothing stopping me from "editing" a few historical documents, is there...?

I can neither confirm nor deny any involvement I may or may not have had in any such golpe de estado. At least not until I am unassailable by the press as Presdient.

Good to know the SMC Uber and I are on such good terms, tho'. Err, not that I am admitting that happened, that is. Or maybe I am. Or perhaps not....

Spiffor · August 17, 2002, 13:35

UberKrux's "revolution" was as much a success as Trip's "Plan Eagle" : both are things with big words, which intended to completely changed things. At the end, they were an utter failure : Ninot and his crew remained at power until the legal end, the new crew is elected according to our already existing constitution.

The only success of Plan Eagle or Uber's Revolution is to have sparked some debate.

MrWhereItsAt · August 17, 2002, 13:39

And so it happened... but that is not how it might be written.....