The Jungle Gazette
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Your Light in the Jungle - August 24, 350 B.C.
A note from the founder
Due to the recent loss of MrWhereItsAt, my government duties have taken a dramatic turn. It is because of this that I find myself unable to print todays copy of the Gazette. As has become customary with such issues surrounding the Gazette, however, when one takes a step back, a replacement is always found. It is with great pleasure that I introduce a new editor to our staff. Shiber will be filling in when needed in bringing you the finest newspaper ever produced. Shiber, welcome to the Gazette Family.
- UnOrthOdOx
A word from the temporary editor
As Mr. UnOrthOdOx explained above, I have been appointed as the temporary editor of the Gazette. I understand that UnOrthOdOx is very busy filling in for MWIA and dealing with RL (real life) matters. However, I did not realize he is that short in time that he cannot print the Gazette himself, and the moment I heard his plea for help I stepped forward and offered my services. Rest assured that I will do so again if the need shall rise, so that the readers of the Gazette will never be left in the dark.
I received a great deal of help from my friends (by alphabetical order) adaMada, GhengisFarb, jdjdjd and Reddawg. Thanks guys! It would have never been possible without your help.
Naturally, this edition will be lesser in quantity than the previous editions, but I hope that you, our devoted reader, will find that it is no lesser in quality. Let the light in the jungle shine forever!
- Shiber
MWIA Makes Contact
Our president, presumed kidnapped until recently, makes contact from the other side
The people of Apolytonia were shocked today when MrWhereItsAt used a local priest to communicate with us. MWIA has recently disappeared and was presumed to have been kidnapped by Joan d'Arc, but we now know that his situation is much more complicated.
According to MWIA, he is stuck in a place called a "parallel dimension", which he refers to as RL. Apparently there are devices that link all the citizens of Apolytonia with the RL dimension which are called "computers". Unlucky for MWIA, his computer broke and he was unwillingly sucked into the RL dimension.
Currently, MWIA is desperately looking for a way back into our world. In the mean time it seems that there's little we can do other than to send him our regards and hope that he returns promptly and in good health and brings new knowledge from the RL world.
Our science advisor responded to this case saying: "This is just one more reason why science funding should be increased. If we can research heavier into Monotheism, followed by Theology and Education we can build great universities that can study these... these... parallel dimension things". He was then chased away and nearly stoned by an angry mob shouting "WITCHERY! WITCHERY!". The angry mobs guild refuses to comment on this case.
Our reporters tell us that the science advisor is now safe and sound in the palace of Apolytonia and he promises that research will continue, despite all efforts made by religious sects and assorted 'nutcases' as he refers to them.
- Shiber
Nobles rush to grab land
Government auctions land
In an attempt to generate funds for the upcomming war, the Government authorized a
selling of land to the nobles on a one time loan, to be paid back at a 10% interest after a short grace period. The nobles then began to
sell and trade their newly acquired resources from their property in a fervent attempt to pay off the debt before their grace period arose. "This will give us the neccessary funds to finance our war efforts in France. The selling of this land may prove to be the tide that turns this war" VP UnOrthOdOx had to say. The commodities sold on the market during the last trading spell at: Food: $54 Shields: $67 Commerce: $69
Analysts agree that those prices are not indicative of a trend, and that prices will likely drop next trading period until a more diversified market opens up and the Nobles are able to reach into specialized areas such as weapons.
Learn more
here.
- UnOrthOdOx
Map deal entitled a success!
An analysis of recent trade actions by Shiber, our financial correspondent
Not every round you make 113 gold from pure trade. However, this round was exceptional.
I have just got back from a tiring but fulfilling journey with UnOrthOdOx, our trusty VP, and the foreign advisor after completing a long and elaborate trading project. The project mainly consisted of map trade. Each deal earned us only a few lytons, but the final sum was extraordinary! Yes, it was a long and hard work but it sure did pay off.
My travels took me all around the known world. I visited every palace, saw exotic places and great wonders and danced with girls in every bar of every city. But nothing compared to the thrill of sitting in the negotiations table and seeing our gullible neighbors practically spilling gold into our pockets for invaluable map information.
I'd like to thank everyone who took part in the discussion thread and helped generate new ideas and tweak the trading plan.
I love it when plans come together.
Link:
The Executive Report.
- Shiber
Brief Statistical Report : 430 BC to 350 BC
The National Statistical Department of Apolytonia has released this report, covering the last eighty years of history up to current times.
World Population Changes:
The population of the [known] world has risen over the past 80 years from 5,768,000 people to 6,710,000 people. That is a net gain of 16.3%. At that rate the population was rising by .0224 people per minute!
Meanwhile, vonBismark's Germany surpassed England to become the most populous nation (aprx. 915,000), while the American population continues to lag behind (aprx. 135,000). Germany will definitely be the first nation to crack the million barrier, although the largest percentage gainer was Persia, with 30% growth in just 80 years! Speculations abound as to how Xerxes has spurred this population boom. Catherine of Russia could take some pointers from him, as Russia had only 1.7% growth while the citizens of Moscow are experiencing famine. The capital city could see deaths on a large scale never before seen if something is not done to feed it's people.
Significant Shifts In Apolytonia:
The people of Apolytonia now approve of the newest administration by 67%, garnering Apolytonia the highest approval rating in the world (up 4% from last term, possibly thanks to pre-war boosts in moral).
Link: more information
here.
- Reddawg
Intelligence Report: Nations at War! Wonders of the World Completed by Foreign Civs!
By adaMada, Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs
Apolytonia’s embassies in other nations have just reported numerous International Events, drastically changing the International situation in the space of
only a few turns.
Greece has declared war on England, prompting the Aztecs to enter the war on England’s side. Within the boarders of Apolytonia, this has caused a great deal of discussion as to the appropriate response. The Machiavelli Institute is currently hosting a
forum for discussion on the issue. In addition, the Foreign Ministry has posted its analysis of the events in
its office thread. In specific, the
Foreign Relations Press Release, 350 BC, and items
#001 and
#002 of the
Foreign Affairs Informational Report relate to the new wars.
In addition, several foreign nations have just completed their wonders of the world. Russia won the race to the Great Library (
Foreign Affairs Informational Report #003), ensuring that they’ll be a tech power for the immediate future. Greece then completed the Great Wall (
#004), which will combine with their Hoplite units to make a very strong defense. Finally, the Aztecs completed the Great Lighthouse (
#005). In response to these events, Foreign Minister Togas issued new orders (located in his
Press Release) to best take advantage of these Civ's new powers.
The Gazette asked King Alexander of the Greeks for a statement about his feelings on the wars that have engulfed his nation and his new Wonder of the World. His reply, something along the lines of "Go eat a banana," is making many Apolytonians question our future relationship with Greece, and has spurred new life into discussions such as the War Academy's
forum for discussing plans for any future Greek Military Offensive.
The Gazette also asked for a statement from Queen Elizabeth of the English, who stated "Greeks bad, tea and crumpets good", and then refused to take further questions.
- adaMada
Letters to the Editor
A concerned letter from adaMada:
On behalf of Apolytonia, I am sad to report that Captain and Trip, two of our most respected Justices, are leaving court service.
Trip will be retiring as he is served his term as a Justice. Besides being on the court, Trip served as our first president, and is an active member of the community.
Captain is retiring early in his term, as he will no longer be able to ensure access to Apolyton. Besides serving on the court, Captain was also a very active member of the community, creating the Civ. 3 $mini-game beta and the concept of a momentary system, a frequent contributor to discussions, and an excellent organizer.
Both Captain and Trip will be sorely missed on the court, and we’d like to thank them for their dedicated service to the community.
This one is from our devoted reader and contributor, jdjdjd.
Dear Mr. Graeme:
I am pleased to advise you that Vice President UnOrthOdOx and myself are now free and clear of the despised French, and actually quite a lot has fallen into place for us.
The last time I wrote you, we were in the Mountains outside of Paris, and were still being pursued by members of the French military. The torches I spoke of were in fact from a search party the French had sent after us, and encompassed about twenty men, from what I could tell. So we continued on our horses over the tough terrain of the mountains. Our plan was to try and get to the sea, and if we did not shake them, then head towards the Iroquois Land past the plains to the West.
Initially, we seemed to be making good ground, but our pursuers were able to keep pace with us. After a day or so of trying to leave French territory, we came across a canyon, which was carved out by a river several hundred feet below. We were pinned on these cliffs, and we could see that several French archers were now trying to gain position on us and the rest of the French force was moving directly at us. There was no way we could fight our way out of this one, twenty or so Frenchman, with archers and our backs to the cliff..how could we get out.
I came up with an idea, albiet an extremely hazardous one, but certainly the alternative was even more hazardous. I turned to UnOrthOdOx, and said "We'll jump, we'll have to leave the horses but we can do it.". He said "No!". I, pointing to the French, said "You wanna get killed?", he just pointed to the river below, and said "Do you?". I told him that water looked deep enough, and that we should be OK. After prodding him, he finally blurted out "I can't swim!". I just started to laugh and said "Can't swim?! you crazy, the fall'll kill you!" Then he just turned to me, grabbed on to my arm, we both got up and ran over the edge of the cliff...Dog followed us. The monkeys, however, took to some nearby trees and to safety.
After we jumped, it seemed like we were in the air forever, though it was probably only seconds. Then SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! We sank down ten feet or so, and then just kicked our way to the surface. We went down the rapids of the river, trying to keep afloat, UnOrthOdOx grabbing on to me, almost sinking me, but we were off to safety. I could see the French on top of the cliff, running along, frustratedly trying to catch up with us.
After quite a stretch of rapids, maybe several kilometers, the river's current slowed and we went to the edge, on to shore, and collapsed. It takes quite an effort to try to keep afloat like that. We knew we could not wait too long, however. I could see around us, there would be no room to follow along this river's edge, unless we wanted to keep swimming. I did not think we could. We had to climb back up about 200 meters and continue along the mountain pass.
We did this and continued trecking, of course, now we did not have the horses. I thought we were safe, but it really was just a matter of degrees, we were safer (not trapped), but I knew it would not be long until the French were on our heels again. We picked up the pace, almost at a full run.
We had probably already run for about three kilometers when I could hear the hooves of horses behind us. What would we do this time? I did not know. UnOrthOdOx looked at me and I back at him, I could tell from his expression that he had no ideas and we were in trouble.
I turned back to see how far they were, and could see they were no more than a few hundred meters, and closing fast. Suddenly, three horses darted in front of us, it was some the French. We stopped, the other Frenchmen cam from behind us, encircling us. There were twenty of them all together. We were doomed, even though we had managed to leave French territory, it was clear they had no intention of taking us back, they were going to kill us.
Now many things passed through my head, and I ran many scenarios to see what I could do, but everyone seemed to result in our death. The Frenchmen started to get off their horses, and Dog attacked the closest one to him. That Frenchmen raised his sword and was going to kill my poor companion, then THWACK!. THUD! The Frenchman fell to the ground, dead by an arrow.
Then again, THWACK! THUD! Another Frenchman was down. Several more arrows took out some more Frenchman, and they ran for cover, as did we. Then, the road began to rumble as if a thousand men were approaching. The Frenchman quickly ran to their horses, jumped on and road away.
"Who could it be?" I said to UnOrthOdOx. The rumbling got loader, then we saw the large figure of Commander UberKruX on his horse, bow in hand. Deputy Commander Aggie was at his side. A large force of swordsmen followed them. Deputy Commander Aggie turned to UnOrthOdOx, "Vice President UnOrthOdOx, we need to get you back to Apolytonia at once, a galley awaits." When did that happen, I wondered, that he bbecame Vice President, was it passed elections all ready?
I guess it was. UnOrthOdOx and I headed towards two men the Deputy Commander had pointed to, who were going to take us to the galley.
When suddenly Commander UberKruX spoke in a gruff grunt , "Not you", glaring at me. Deputy Commander Aggie handed down a letter to me. It was from GodKing, he had been elected City Planner and he was appointing me to be Provincial Governor of the Ile de Rose Province, which was to include Paris, Lyons, Marseilles and Rouen. Pretty bold of old GodKing, but probably very accurate given the size of the force I encountered. I understand this force is just one portion of an even larger force.
I, of course, have to accept. Governor of Ile de Rose, Island of the Pink. Is it because of the fine wines of the French, or for the Pink colors they wear? I do not know, but I like the name. I hope to sit in Joan's palace once again, Tete de Jeanne, as the French would say, meaning the Head of Joan.
I will stay with this invading force, and follow them towards Tete de Jeanne, a.k.a. Paris.
Banana Bless Apolytonia!
I remain,
jdjdjd
Most of the time people get hooked on something like this then disappear.
