Jungle Gazette: Volume XIII

Shiber · August 28, 2002, 08:45

The Jungle Gazette
______________________________________
Your Light in the Jungle - August 28, 290 B.C.

A word from the temporary editor

Dear readers,
I have been trusted with the honorable task of editing the Gazette once again. However, I assure you that next time the editor will be our good old UnOrthOdOx. Now that MWIA is back he's been relieved of most of his duties and will surely find time to edit the Gazette (unless real world commitments will not enable him to, in which case I will be happy to lend a hand again).
That's all for me. Thank you, and have a pleasant reading.

- Shiber

World at war!
By adaMada, Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs

In another shocking turn of events, a international war has touched off involving Apolytonia! Uniting as a nation against France's deceit, Apolytonia's ministers declared war on the French, only to be betrayed and attacked by both Germany and Persia. Persia’s betrayal was especially bitter, as we willingly opened our boarders and culture to them through a Right of Passage Agreement.

National spirit is still relatively high amongst Apolytonia's citizens. The belief that we will be able to prevail and that none of our opponents are as prepared to fight as we are is widespread, with Apolytonia already having our military forces called up from reserve in anticipation of military action against France.

Furthermore, the situation was not totally destroyed by the treachery of the Germans and the Persians. Even before France bribed them into the war, we had dealt a great blow to the French, taking Paris and Orleans with few losses to our military forces.

As of now, the military campaign continues. In related news, Foreign Minister Togas issued a press release that stated that we will not be forming a Military Alliance with another nation against our enemies, citing the desire not to eliminate diplomatic options by locking the nation in a twenty turn war. Other relevent links are available on the Foreign Ministry's Office Thread.

- adaMada

A marvelous work
Iroquois make gigantic statue

"Let this stand as a beacon from this day forth to the greatness of the Iriquois nation." Hiawatha said in the ribbon cutting ceremony. The Colossus, as it is known, is a monstrous statue made of bronze, and facing the sea to becon in new business from afar. Truly a sight to behold. "We fully expect this to nearly double our trade revenue. Our analysts have even declared that we have entered a Golden Age due to it's construction. You can expect great things in the near future from the Iriquois Nation" Hiawatha confided in me during a personal interview. Expect things to get interesting in Abananaba minor with this recent development.

- UnOrthOdOx

The grand city planning experiment

As most of you are well aware, after taking office as City Planner this third term, one of the first things I did was divide the nation into preliminary regions. This experiment has, for the most part, been a success in that more people are involved with our government. The individual regions are getting a far better gazing at then if one person were doing it alone. The down side has been that instead of making the city planner’s job easier, in truth it has made it more difficult. Now, instead of going through the save and assigning work orders to each city, I go through the save, list what I would do, and wait for the regions to come in with their build order, then compile the orders and list them in a format that is useful to the President (or Vice President) for use in playing the game.

As time goes on, and as the heathen barbarians seek to make war on our nation, we will slowly but surly take land and cities once occupied. At some point, the job of city planning will be too much for one to effectively do alone. The division into regions allows for the assistance needed in this most vital of positions, along with a great opportunity for roll playing. I wish to thank jdjdjd, viceroy of Ile de Rose province; OPD, Governor of the land of Mingapulco, which includes our capitol city; and rendelnep, who is administering the eastern area of El Nino. OPD is also acting as deputy minister in case I am not able to meet any deadlines and such. To date they have done an excellent job, and I am most pleased to have them working with me. If plans for colonizing Isle de Uber go well, during the coming week I will be looking for someone who would like to manage that region. Upon colonization, I will start a thread asking for volunteers to work this area (although there won’t be much actual work at first…).

In the coming weeks, I will revive the thread discussing the regions, update it to show how this experiment has gone, and if the discussion goes well, place it up for a vote to the population to make this a permanent part of our government.

- Godking
City Planner, third term administration.

Literacy on the rise!
Latest Gazette issues snatched like... like fresh newspapers!

Our prime statistician tells us that literacy has reached an all-time high. According to his calculations (made possible by the wonderful technology of math), 3% of the people of Apolyton can now read. For those of you who are not familiar with math, 3% means that roughly one out of every 33 people you meet is literate.
Jungle Gazette sales have reacted accordingly. They've been on the rise and have recently reached an all time high, especially in the Mingapulco region (capital and core). A citizen that has just finished learning how to read and write and bought his first Jungle Gazette issue told our reporter: "Now that I can read and write I can send letters to my friends and read the Jungle Gazette to learn the latest news! Who knows, I might even start my own competing newspaper" he said. UnOrthOdOx was not available for comment.

The army of the jungle successful

Once again our armies marched from the depths of the jungle and into enemy territory. This time in what has been termed 'Uber's Maneuver'. Involving a couple of our marvelous new ships sailing along the coast and landing our newly developed Swordsmen behind the Parisian armies. Then our experienced Archers marched upon Orleans in a massively coordinated assault. The Archers came under attack from an enemy Sword battalian before raching their target, but suffered no losses thanks to a highly trained Spearmen group. Both armies were successfull in taking their respective objectives. A total of 1000 Swords were lost in the attack on Paris, and anoter 300 wounded. Only 100 Archers were wounded in the assault on Orleans. "Our Swordsmen came under some adverse conditions that were unexpected and were unable to perform at peak efficiency." stated Aggie, Uber's deputy. "We had no idea that the high altitude and harsh conditions would depleat their provisions so harshly on the trek into Paris. We have given the entire Legion a much neeed rest, and will be holding up in Paris until they are fit to move out again."

- UnOrthOdOx

New eyesight-enhancing device invented
Senior citizens can now read fine print

The science advisor has recently informed us of the invention of a new device that can improve the eyesight of people who have problems reading small letters or recognizing small details from afar. "The eyeglasses can help even old people improve their eyesight!" said the science advisor to our reporter. "Though I'm afraid we can't cure blindness yet, our researchers say that with the invension of "laser" they can cure blindness with "laser treatment" and other techniques". When asked for more information, the science advisor suddenly put on a sad face and said "We lack the funds to keep up in research. Please increase science spending!". After our reporter put more pressure and asked for more information the science advisor grinned again and said "We are technologically advanced!" and after further questioning he frowned at our reporter again and repeated the words "We lack the funds to keep up in research. Please increase science spending!". What a strange person.
Anyway, before you go out and buy this wonderful new gadget we suggest that you take our free eyesight examination first to determine if you need eyeglasses:
If you can read this you don't need glasses.
(thanks to Sirotnikov for this idea)

Market at all time low
Nobles face losing money in deals

In a distressing day on the market floor, prices reached an all time low. Food sold at $43, Shields at $59, and Commerce at $43. Combined with an increasing price on available labor, and some nobles claimed that they may actually begin losing money if this trend should continue. Much debate surrounded the challenges that were faced by the nobles. Some potential solutions eventually came from all the debate in the frmof such things as promoting buildings, new kinds of goods, and a new eveluation of supply and demand.

- UnOrthOdOx

GodKing · August 28, 2002, 08:51

Excelent as always. Good job.

You might want to check the colour of the 'eyesight' article.....

Shiber · August 28, 2002, 08:55

Thanks!

Re: color, I know. I noticed it and fixed it right after I posted. If you spot any more mistakes please point them out.

Aro · August 28, 2002, 09:06

Quote:

Originally posted by Shiber
The Jungle Gazette
If you can read this you don't need glasses.
(thanks to Sirotnikov for this idea)

[

I can't read this. Where I can find those "glasses"?

Excellent job. Thanks!

Edyt: typos, etc

GodKing · August 28, 2002, 09:09

did notice one typo:

".....blow to the French, taking France and Orleans with few losses ...." in adaMada's World at war!. Normaly I wouldn't bother mentioning, but as you asked.....

Of course asking me to proof is like asking..... well, let us just say I spelled the word "of" as "uv" until the 5th grade.

jdjdjd · August 28, 2002, 09:12

Good work Shiber

Shiber · August 28, 2002, 09:26

Quote:

Originally posted by GodKing
".....blow to the French, taking France and Orleans with few losses ...." in adaMada's World at war!. Normaly I wouldn't bother mentioning, but as you asked.....

I can't spot the mistake here. Can you lend me a hand?

GodKing · August 28, 2002, 09:27

France is not Paris....

Shiber · August 28, 2002, 09:33

Oh!!
Right.

Thanks!

UnOrthOdOx · August 28, 2002, 10:33

Quote:

However, I assure you that next time the editor will be our good old UnOrthOdOx. Now that MWIA is back he's been relieved of most of his duties

I don't know that I would go quite so far with 'relieved of most of my duties' part. None the less, I will be editing the Saturday edition. I encourage anyone who wishes to submit to contact me personally and we can arrange something. Submissions should be in by Friday night.

Shiber, you have done a wonderful job, and we will keep you on our list for help in the future.

Shiber · August 28, 2002, 10:53

Thanks Unorthi!

trickey · August 28, 2002, 16:55

Great job Shiber! You and Unorthodox should team up.

adaMada · August 28, 2002, 17:16

Oops

.

France, Paris, all the same

.

Nice catch, GodKing, and very nice edition of the paper as has come to be expected.

-- adaMada

MrWhereItsAt · August 28, 2002, 17:23

France, Paris - they are all the same in that those names shall be consigned to history soon enough...

And it's great to see that the exceptionally high standards of the Gazette have been maintained by all who have contributed and edited it since I so cruelly thrust UnOrthOdOx into the spotlight. I foresee only greater and better things now that all of you have had the experience and can now collaborate to produce a truly phenomenal paper.

civman2000 · August 28, 2002, 20:22

Quote:

When asked for more information, the science advisor suddenly put on a sad face and said "We lack the funds to keep up in research. Please increase science spending!". After our reporter put more pressure and asked for more information the science advisor grinned again and said "We are technologically advanced!" and after further questioning he frowned at our reporter again and repeated the words "We lack the funds to keep up in research. Please increase science spending!". What a strange person.

Uh oh...is Apoc going insane?

Apocalypse · August 28, 2002, 21:58

Quote:

Originally posted by civman2000
Uh oh...is Apoc going insane?

Actually because of a horrible incident almost 3 years ago my vision was damaged and I need glasses to see things far away. Close up is perfect and I never wear the glasses when I'm on the computer or reading. Unfortantly I can't wear contacts because of this. I don't think Siro knew this unless he heard this from Imran who I might have told this to.

Shiber · August 29, 2002, 06:16

Quote:

Originally posted by civman2000
Uh oh...is Apoc going insane?

No, Apoc is the science minister. I was referring to the Civ3 science minister (the idiot who makes faces at you everytime your civ becomes technologically backwards).

Donal Graeme · August 30, 2002, 00:21

I AM BACK!!!

After returning from my vacation I wasn't sure how I was going to catch up on all of the events that have occurred, then it suddenly clicked: THE JUNGLE GAZETTE, Apolytonia's favorite source of information. Now that I am back, I am finally starting to determine all that I have missed. And it looks like I have missed quite a lot... DAMN GERMANS AND PERSIANS!!!!

On another note, I should be able to resume my duties on the Jungle Gazette now, and see no problem in making this wednesday's edition. Nice to see everyone again, and time to get back into the loop.

MrWhereItsAt · August 30, 2002, 01:25

Welcome back, Donal.

Your absence has not seen the Gazette fade and die, on the contrary, it continues to fluorish with a whole host of dedicated editors and contributors. Now that everyone seems to be back, the Gazette will be greater than ever!

Aro · August 30, 2002, 01:45

This is a characteristic of great newspapers: a solid editorial staff. Bienvenido, Donal!

DAVOUT · August 30, 2002, 06:00

Quote:

Originally posted by MrWhereItsAt

Your absence has not seen the Gazette fade and die, on the contrary

A bit nasty, perhaps ?