Chrionian News Network - Issue 4

Nubclear · September 12, 2002, 22:52

Chironian News Network
------------------------------------------------

NETFLASH!

Factions Seperate, Land on Planet "Chiron"
Unity No Longer Exists as Escape Pods touch Planet

As expected, all factions have seperated from the Starship Unity and have landed on the mysterious planet of Chiron.
"We had to...I was SO *&^*&^% tired of hearing that *&^*&^* faction give off their *&^*&^* speeches! Their so divided its scary!" Colonel Santaigo said before entering the escape pod, headed for the Planet. Currently, this report is being written inside the actual Peacekeeping pod which contains the resources.
"This is exciting! I used to be in the good ol' marines, and oh my bananas, this is the most excitement I've had since my first day at boot camp! Sir." Lt. Commander William Bell told CNN reporters enthusiastically. However, most were not so excited.
"I....I can't believe it....I joined up so that I could help humanity.....now its making the same mistakes...." commented Assistant Engineering Officer Har. Over 200 people, most of them government officials, were stuffed into the small 'colony pod' as it is being called, which is no bigger than the Peacekeeping Debate Forum room. The pod itself had not been cleaned in days, and as the smell of sweat began to fill the room, the 30 minute drop "seemed longer than one of Archaics rants..." as one witness commented. However, silence completly fell onto the room when the computer sounded the 1 minute warning alert. As the ship landed, breathing masks were issued in case the environment was not sufficent to sustain life outside and once everyone was secure in their masks, the colony pod doors opened to reveal a rocky desert with an abundance of nutrient resources along with with mineral resources.
"Oh yeah, mineral activity within the resonistic 'sphere' encompassing the general area does work favorably to our industrial capability. We can manufacture things at a higher rate than normally, however we must let the minerals 'grow' in order to populate the vicinity. If you want, I have about an hour left. I could explain the advantages of Mineral Production in Todays Modern Society as written in my book which is only five millicredits!" Chief Scientist TKG, the second person to step onto the Planet (First being Exploration and Intelligence Officer Lemmy) told CNN reporters. After finding no suitable base site within the mineral field and after 2 hours of exploration, a suitable site was finally found.
"Alright people, stand back..." MrWhereItsAt told the people, as he pressed a button on the colony pod. Large screeching sounds could be heard from inside the colony pod, and slowly but surely the colony pod transformed itself from the boring escape pod it was to several resources required for the assembly of a base. The, after about 3 days of sleeping in makeshift beds, the base of "New Apolyton" was habitable and open for those who wished to enter.
"It's beautiful....It resembles a Russian Orthodox Church...Marvelous.." Several citizens commented while entering the base. The floor of the base was made of a jade marble with white walls also made of marble. It closely resembled the UN Secretary-General Palace in Copenhagen, Denmark however it was much bigger. It consists of several civilian, military, and government sleeping quarters (Big enough to equal a small house), as well as several eateries, a debating room, a playroom (Children and adult playrooms avalible next to eateries and bedrooms respectively) , among other things. However, despite all this, many are saying the place is not big enough to support many people.
"Its definately not big enough....If we stuff everyone into there, disease, hunger....We just can't do it. I'm sorry." Architectual Engineers from all over the peacekeeping faction said in theyre daily summit.
"It'll take an act of god in order to make this trip survivable."

Unused Colony Pod Appears Inside Base
Colony Pod Found in Cargo Bay, Hailed by Many as "Sign from God!"

"Warning - Unauthorized Entry Detected" were the words that appeared on a computer console which sparked a panic frenzy.
"EVACUATE NOW!! QUICKLY!!! WE DONT HAVE ALL &^%&^%& DAY!!!!" One military officer yelled to the civilians in the building
, whom were all being evacuated due to an unauthorized entry which was believed to be a possible military officer from a different faction, however officials soon found out the real story.
"People....there has been a false alarm. There is an unauthorized entry, but of the best kind....We have found another previously unknown colony pod within the cargo bay itself!" Darkness Edge, the elected "Peoples Leader", told the scared and tired civilians whom had rushed to evacuate. "You may all come back in."
"It...God wishes for us to become a very powerful faction.....therefore he sent us into the garden of eden, to still the ground from whence it was taken.....However he has given us help...." Former Comissioner Crisler commented. However, some are more skeptical such as President Apocalypse of the Network Node.
"No...Why would something like this happen? Could it be a bomb, and will explode once we activate it? Why would this come at just the right oppritinuty unless it was the work of another faction?" He asked in the debate forums. Despite the numerous warnings of "bomb plots", Darkness Edge' has decided to load a few citizens, and send them off to create a new base.
"We have to do it....People will die in here, and we do need to expand as well in order to secure our chunk of planet." Said Director of [Terraformation and] Colonization on Saturday. The pod was loaded up with 100 people, and sent off to find new places. The pod does have a radio transmitter, so we will be able to bring you more, later.

Army Squadron Attacked by Unknown Creatures
Army Squadron Filled with 18-Year-Old Attacked by Native Life

"ABOUT FACE! MARCH FORWARD!" Those four words sent on Army Squardon full of 18 year olds into the vast unknown of planet. It was a routine exploration and training mission, where they were going to practice drills....However it took a horrible turn when one Private Zwasis boot got stuck in what is now known as "xenofungus".
"Sarge, m'boot stuck in the red stuff!" Witnesses desrcibe him as yelling when out of seemingly the ground, several large worms attacked the innocent 18 year old, completly killing him. THe rest fo the Squadron opened fire, but to seemingly no avail..3 more people died before they realized that it wasnt weapons, it was the mind. The battle lasted many hours, however the soldiers triumphed in victory but at a terrible price.
"*Sniff* He was like a brother to me...Now he's gone. Boston left us..." Private Ikabod recounts. After this was all said and done, the following people have been confirmed dead:

Corporal R. S. Boston
Private P. L. F. Bonaparte
Private H. G. Lui
Private H. J. Molenaar
Private/medic O. U. Zwasi

The CNN wishes to pay tribute to the victims of the fallen soldiers who bravely defended the Peacekeeping faction..and paid the ultimate price.

Goin' Pod Poppin!
-DeathByTheSword-

The scout patrol as located a UNITY pod just outside of the fungus fields north of our first base New Apolyton. The pod with the serial KUYE-54YY357-GTSE1873 contained a rover for the starship UNITY. We ourselves have not yet discovered the materials or the production methods to make such a macine, so we may preach ourselves lucky to have found the pod. ‘we came out the fungus and the first thing we saw was a long and big ditch in the ground. We followed it and there it was.’ Says fungusranger captain D. B. Wells. They rover has been equipped with the same weapons as the scoutpatrol carries and has 3 seats. One driver, one navigator and one gunner. Currently the rover is assigned to exploration duties and the DEI office and the DOP office are looking at several places to send the rover. Maybe to search for other pods for the UNITY.

P4 and CCCP Members Caught Drunk - ON DUTY
DeathByTheSword and Pandemoniak Caught 'Unwinding' In Recreational Facilities

Both Pandemoniak and DeathByTheSword were caught taking advantage of base recreational facilities while they were supposed to be performing their duties.
"It was horrifying! [Pandemoniak] came up to me and as loudly as he could began explaining to me why flat feet disqualifies you from the french 'armee'...I need to go see someone...." One witness told CNN reporters.
"Oh yeah? Two days ago, some DeadlySword person came in and just began yelling 'pardon me, im drunk.'....it was sooo annoying. Luckily, secuirty rushed him away. Can't say as much for that Panda person....." Another witness told CNN.
However, this wasn't something they did on their off hours. Further investigation into the incident reveals that both Pandemoniak and Deathbythesword were ON DUTY at the time of the incident.
"Shame on them! They are supposed to set a good example for my children and they go in and get drunk!??! I cannot stand this atrocity!" Marthitius Sentarius, an italian citizen, told CNN.

Both Pandemoniak and DeathByTheSword are facing charges of "Being Drunk On Duty". We shall bring the news as it comes to us.

Changes Throughout CNN
Former UNN Expericing BIG Changes

One day ago Tassadar, Chief Editor of the UNN, announced to major changes.
"We have landed on Chiron, so it wouldnt be appropriate for me to call this the Unity News Network, especially considering how there is no unity among the factions anymore.....Therefore I have taken a vote, and by a one vote margin......I herby change the name of the Unity News Network to the Chironian News Network. And while I'm at it

Nubclear · September 12, 2002, 22:53

I'm sorry if this is of lower quality than expected. With the school year starting up, and....certain problems interfering, I didn't have too much time to do this.

And I recieved hardly any submissions

But.....Howd I do?

Kassiopeia · September 12, 2002, 23:56

Quote:

Factions Seperate, Land on Planet "Chrion"

(yeah I know it was intentional)

I could write about turnchats for the next time, what about that?

Nubclear · September 13, 2002, 01:39

Quote:

Originally posted by Kassiopeia

(yeah I know it was intentional)

*SIGH*

(happy now?)

Quote:

I could write about turnchats for the next time, what about that?

Anything is acceptable (Even political lobbying!)

Kassiopeia · September 13, 2002, 01:49

*notices the edited headline*

Quote:

Originally posted by Tassadar5000
*SIGH* :P

Oh my goodness - it wasn't intentional was it?

Nubclear · September 13, 2002, 01:51

Quote:

Originally posted by Kassiopeia
*notices the edited headline*

Oh my goodness - it wasn't intentional was it?

Kassiopeia · September 13, 2002, 01:53

Why on Chrion (*cough*) did you go change it? It would've been a great joke. Hmph.

MrWhereItsAt · September 13, 2002, 03:51

LOWER QUALITY!!!!!?!?!?!

What are you talking about? I see no low quality here. I have enjoyed this "paper" most of all. It goes from strength to strength.

And it's always good to see one's name in the paper.

One question: these "adult playrooms" you refer to - where exactly are they, and what, ahhhhh.... what GOES ON in them? (As if I didn't know already.)

moomin · September 13, 2002, 04:06

It's great, Tass. Otchen choroscho, molodoj chelovek.

DeathByTheSword · September 13, 2002, 07:32

cool but you left out one of my articles (was it that bad?

)

Pandemoniak · September 13, 2002, 11:44

I made my best but this was not as easy as I thought. Maybe it still deserve to be attached in top of the next CNN issue.

UnOrthOdOx · September 13, 2002, 11:51

Quote:

Originally posted by Tassadar5000
And I recieved hardly any submissions

A pain that I know all too well.

Did you really expect that to change with the new scenery, Tass? I can just hear you thinking:

"I'll get out of this accursed Jungle, THEN people will be happy to submit to a news service. Besides, with all this technology, it would be easy for any layman to write an article or two. I will just have to organize them all. It will be easy!"

Well, welcome to my personal hell. No submissions. At least YOU don't have editors leaving the planet!!!

Very fine job, though. Nice to see your talent's are not going to waste.

Pandemoniak · September 13, 2002, 11:55

edited : with new "w's"

*due to copyright reasons, the attachment of this file has been erased. A new issue for the CNN Headlines will soon be available*

UnOrthOdOx · September 13, 2002, 12:06

A word of caution.

You are stepping on some questionable ground there. It is VERY close to some copyrighted material. Not that anyone from the real cnn would notice this site, but you may not want to be using their logo, or copyrighted 'headline news'...

Just a thought from someone who has studied law...

Pandemoniak · September 13, 2002, 15:30

Yes, you're right. I'll suppress it so that I dont put Poly on trouble, and I'll design my own.

Method · September 13, 2002, 17:36

Quote:

Originally posted by Tassadar5000
"Oh yeah, mineral activity within the resonistic 'sphere' encompassing the general area does work favorably to our industrial capability. We can manufacture things at a higher rate than normally, however we must let the minerals 'grow' in order to populate the vicinity. If you want, I have about an hour left. I could explain the advantages of Mineral Production in Todays Modern Society as written in my book which is only five millicredits!" Chief Scientist TKG, the second person to step onto the Planet (First being Exploration and Intelligence Officer Lemmy) told CNN reporters.

you make me sound like a nerd!

second person on planet!

History Guy · September 13, 2002, 18:12

TKG-- Well, you do have a computer built into the back of your head.

As for being second guy on Planet...big deal! I was number...forty-eight...

And hey, all! I'm the newest journalist for the esteemed Chironian News Network!

Signed,
Philemon H. History Guy, Talent and Journalist, New Apolyton, and the guy who gave Yang a punch on the nose on the Unity, for which he hath sworn revenge on all humanity (and heck! I ain't kidding!!)!

Method · September 13, 2002, 18:22

Quote:

Originally posted by History Guy
TKG-- Well, you do have a computer built into the back of your head.

all the better for ~~plotting world domination!~~ solving algebraic equations! yes...that's right...

/me runs off before he reveals more about his true agenda...

moomin · September 13, 2002, 19:08

Quote:

Originally posted by TKG
second person on planet!

Eh... All factions claim their guys where here first. You won't be sec on planet until they're all eradicated/assimilated, you know.

Method · September 13, 2002, 19:37

Quote:

Originally posted by moomin
You won't be sec on planet until they're all eradicated/assimilated, you know.

don't you worry about that

History Guy · September 13, 2002, 20:43

Hmmm...now why do I have this sudden suspicion that TKG plots to take over Planet? Hmmmm...

Main_Brain · September 14, 2002, 07:07

Im trying to become the First Drone on Planet :P

Pandemoniak · September 14, 2002, 19:32

I'll be Third Drone on planet, after Comrade Dumai and Comrade Main_Brain.

History Guy · September 15, 2002, 10:52

Drones??! Hah! They are so...plebeian! Now, take a look at we Talents, and realize the errors of your ways...thou shalt be forgiven, and given a job. Reform boys, it's the only thing for it. You don't want to be driven down by revolution, utopia, or anything to that effect. It just doesn't work. And if you really want to sit around all day, and polish your guns, and take out your rage on society, go join the Peacekeeper Army, OK?

Ah, the happiness of a Talent when he knows that he has just set two young men on the right path in life...ahhhhhh...

Mellian · September 15, 2002, 16:55

I'll be the first to set foot on planet with a gun.

-Mellian

Method · September 15, 2002, 17:08

go join the spartans!

Mellian · September 15, 2002, 17:27

Quote:

Originally posted by TKG

go join the spartans!

even thought how much fun i would have with the spartans, i prefer the peacekeepers. anyway, the reason i have the gun is for self-defence. after that crazy runnings with Mr. President, Kass, and History Guy back on Unity, don't know what they will do to me

-Mellian

Pandemoniak · September 15, 2002, 19:30

Quote:

Originally posted by History Guy
Drones??! Hah! They are so...plebeian! Now, take a look at we Talents, and realize the errors of your ways...thou shalt be forgiven, and given a job. Reform boys, it's the only thing for it. You don't want to be driven down by revolution, utopia, or anything to that effect. It just doesn't work. And if you really want to sit around all day, and polish your guns, and take out your rage on society, go join the Peacekeeper Army, OK?

Ah, the happiness of a Talent when he knows that he has just set two young men on the right path in life...ahhhhhh...

Yeah, you enforced your point of view : Drones shall prevail over this world, for We are the working force.
and one last thing, before you loss yourself : the CCCP, welcoming any drones, stand as one (if not the biggest) of the biggest party. Why do you think it is like that ?

Let me just tell you : for we have walked with the Drones.

Pandemoniak · September 15, 2002, 19:32

Quote:

Originally posted by Mellian

even thought how much fun i would have with the spartans, i prefer the peacekeepers. anyway, the reason i have the gun is for self-defence. after that crazy runnings with Mr. President, Kass, and History Guy back on Unity, don't what they will do

-Mellian

Well, the only reason I have a gun is that someone gave one to me. I changed and hacked this gun into a distillery, though : with that, gimme 5kg of fungus and you'll have 5l of fungal gin.

Kassiopeia · September 16, 2002, 07:54

Quote:

Originally posted by Mellian
even thought how much fun i would have with the spartans, i prefer the peacekeepers. anyway, the reason i have the gun is for self-defence. after that crazy runnings with Mr. President, Kass, and History Guy back on Unity, don't know what they will do to me

-Mellian

If you still have some problems with me, there's always the PM option. There's absolutely no need to bring this outside AC-Fiction.