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Old September 13, 2002, 23:59   #1
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The Jungle Gazette: Volume XVI
The Jungle Gazette



Your Light in the Jungle - September 13, 70 AD


Polls open
Election time again

Once again the polls opened to a flury of eager voters wishing to make their voices known. Term 4 will begin in only a few short years, and people have been clamouring to get their choice in before the deadline. Inwhat has becom a common practice to many an Apolytonian these days, some elections seem to offer little choice, and the Banana is once again running for several positions. Go an make your own voices heard:

President
Vice President
Minister of War
Minister of Science
Minister of Economy
Minister of Foreign Affairs
Minister of Imperial Expansion
Minister of Public Works
City Planner

- UnOrthOdOx

All eyes turn to Persia
Full force of our military is focused

With the decimation of the great French empire, and their capitol reduced to little more than a few mobile carts. The military soon looked to Germany, but found little in the way of a backbone there. Now, in a bold move, they have fcused teir might on Persia. "This is an entirely different war. We have no intention of giving in to any peace deals. Xerxes will face the full might of Apolytonia." Aggie claimed. "We must make a statement that will ring lound throughout the land. NO ONE may make, and subsequently break a treaty with MrWhere...I mean Apolytonia!!!" MrWhereItsat emphatically stated.

- UnOrthOdOx

First Horsemen put into service
The future of warfare?

The first horsemen have been put into service. A horsemen is a unit that mounts a version of our spearmen onto some of the local horses. The result is a highly mobile unit to patrol our borders, or perform a quick strik into enemy territory. The drawback is that they appear to be less effective as an offensive tool than our stout Swordsmen. "While they may have less offensive power, their greater range mre than make up for it, and will provide us a method of effectivel patroling our large borders." Aggie stated. While others seem to be looking to the future. "while tey are an average unit at this point in time, I believe that in the near future we will find a way to mount our swordsmen atop these horses, thereby creating a much more effective unit. I am sure the crrent horsemen could then be traned to wield a sword much easier than our swordsmen could be trained to ride a horse!" Apocolypse claims.

- UnOrthOdOx

Jungle Ball to Kicks Off Amidst Much Excitement and a Little Controversy



Excitement has swept through the nation as the peculiar Sport of American Football has taken hold on the populace of Apolytonia. Since conquering a large portion of the Northern neighbor of Apolytonia, some of that nation's culture has seeped into Apolytonian Culture, despite the best efforts of Apolytonian elitists groups, such as Apolytonian's Anti-American Association, or the AAA. This has lead to a recent increase of so called, "pick up games" of American Football, and now to the formation of the Jungle Ball League of Ten.

The games will complete each weekend, finishing on Monday Night. The 10 Teams will play a 14 game season, which will be followed by semi-final playoffs in week 15, and then the Playoff Winners will compete in the Jungle Ball Bowl. The winner of the Jungle Ball Bowl will be awarded the Banana Cup by the League's first Commissioner, Foreign Affairs Minister Togas, and be deemed the Jungle Ball Bowl Champion.

What started from an informal conversation between Minister Togas, Vice President UnOrthOdOx and Justice jdjdjd, during the nomination ceremony of the Constitutional Convention; eventually lead to the formation of the League of Ten. After initial agreement by the three men, they went to the forums in order to elicit other interest. Shortly after Minister Togas started the discussion, controversy ensued. A Mr. Civman2000, twice a Minister who resigned his post midterm, immediately approached Forums Administrtor Ming about the violation, and the discussion was banished from the Forums to the OTF. Some sources have said that there is great animosity between Mr. Civman2000 and Justice jdjdjd since they met head to head in the race for Finance Minister early in their careers. Officials close to both men have denied this, stating that simply the discussion was more appropriate for the OTF.

After the discussion was moved, two additional teams were formed by City Planner Godking and Mr. donegeal. Several others expressed interest by Tuesday morning, present, but nothing had been solidified. During Tuesday, meetings between Justice jdjdjd, Mr. donegeal and a Mr. Thud from DelMonte, lead to the sixth team being formed by the latter. Later that day, additional discussions by Minister Togas, Mr. donegeal, Justice Sheik and Minister of Science Apocalypse, ended in the latter two men agreeing to enter the league; though some administrative snags delayed Minister Apocalypse's entrance into the league until Wednesday Night. Also, on Wednesday Mr. Nimitz agreed to take on a team, bringing the league to nine.

In an effort to round out the league at ten members, two men, Mr. Trevman and Mr. Darkness' Edge, who had earlier expressed interest, were courted; however, due to timing and communication issues those efforts failed. Finally, in a desperation attempt, Mr. donegeal, Mr. Nimitz and Justice jdjdjd did corner Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs adaMada; and were able to convinve him to take on the final team, this occurring within minutes of draft time.

The ten teams are listed below with their owners:

Team Owner

1. Timeline Justice Sheik
2. Jerusalem Pickers Mr. Nimitz
3. Chiquita Bananas City Planner GodKing
4. Ubergorsk Irons Deputy Minister adaMada
5. Geofront Evas Minister Apocalypse
6. Apolyton Archers Minister Togas (Commissioner)
7. Banana HQ Peels Mr. donegeal
8. Here It Is Winos Justice jdjdjd
9. Termina Trip Vice President UnOrthOdOx
10. Del Monte Ranchers Mr. Thud

It is expected that opening day games could see crowds of up to 75,000 people at each of the five games. Cartgaters are expected to line the outside areas of the five opening day stadiums, with banana roasts, bat kabobs, asparagus in rat milk, and other regional treats. President MrWhereItsAt is expected to throw out the first drunk at the game in Apolyton, and all five games are set to complete by Monday, next. For further information of games, see future editions of the Jungel Gazette or contact one of the League's principals.

- jdjdjd

A note from the edtor

My many apologies for the temporary shortage of Banana leaves that lead to the lack of issues last week. It would seem that one of our workers had accidentally cutdown the very trees that were being used in our production. A new surce has been located, however, and production should begin anew. This edition is more a culmination of the stories that had been piling atop my desk. If someone out there can lend a hand with the production of Wed editions, please make youself known
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Old September 14, 2002, 00:54   #2
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Wow. Another awsome issue . I'd forgotten how much I'd missed the Gazette in the week we didn't have it.

I especially like jdjdjd's discription of how I was coerced into Jungle Ball . Go Irons!

UnOrthO, if there's something I can write over the weekend that can be put into the Wed. edition, then I might be able to help. Writing articles in the week's hard for me (school can be unpredictable), but if I can have it submitted or written by the end of the weekend, then I'd be happy to write up an article or two. Let me know if there's anything I can do .

-- adaMada
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Old September 14, 2002, 01:20   #3
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Re: The Jungle Gazette: Volume XVI
Quote:
[SIZE=1] Originally posted by UnOrthOdOx President MrWhereItsAt is expected to throw out the first drunk at the game in Apolyton, and all five games are set to complete by Monday, next.
WHAT!? I have to throw myself out?

Ace work, UnOrthO As ever the Gazette gives our civilisation a life beyond weary frontline assaults and Galley expeditions full of scurvy-ridden sailors (unused to the lack of bananas in the strange land named after the legendary Military Commander UberKruX).

I will be reading the next one unemployed - what will OPD's rule bring to our fair nation? One thing is for sure - I will find it all here, in the award-winning Gazette!
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Old September 14, 2002, 01:27   #4
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great!

except ack, the stats were left out of this issue! and the last... mmm. i hope theyre in the next issue after i issue the next edition after saturday's turn chat (HINT HINT)
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Old September 14, 2002, 04:05   #5
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Me likes.
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Old September 14, 2002, 10:48   #6
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Re: The Jungle Gazette: Volume XVI
Quote:
Originally posted by UnOrthOdOx
A note from the edtor

My many apologies for the temporary shortage of Banana leaves that lead to the lack of issues last week. It would seem that one of our workers had accidentally cutdown the very trees that were being used in our production. A new surce has been located, however, and production should begin anew. This edition is more a culmination of the stories that had been piling atop my desk. If someone out there can lend a hand with the production of Wed editions, please make youself known
That's a much better explanation than my feeble attempt:


Quote:
Originally posted by GhengisFarb
Jungle Gazette Sabotaged!

In an atrocious display of barbarism the newly aquired vassals of Gazzette owner UnOrthOdOx, being Persian, sabotaged the Sept 8th edition of the Jungle Gazette.

Grabbing all the issues before distribution, they piled them outside Termina in the jungle and started a huge bonfire intent on it spreading throughout the entire Four Core Cities area.

Fortunately, Persians seem to be as intelligent as the jungleworms we use to fish Bananiranas from the great river. The pouring of water does NOT start a fire and they simply created a soggy mound of the former gazette issue.
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Old September 14, 2002, 10:52   #7
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Actually Ghengis, I like yours better.
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Old September 14, 2002, 11:22   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by Reddawg
great!

except ack, the stats were left out of this issue! and the last... mmm. i hope theyre in the next issue after i issue the next edition after saturday's turn chat (HINT HINT)
Let's see.

I wrote this after being back for less than 24 hours...of course I missed a few things here or there.
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