The Jungle Gazette: Volume XXVI

UnOrthOdOx · October 19, 2002, 22:48

I am trying something new, how do you like it? A bit more storytelling, and less like a news report...what you think?

The Jungle Gazette

Your Light in the Jungle Since 1730 BC - October 19, 700 AD

New Government takes office
MrWhereItsAt returns to lead us once more!

In the calm of the morning on October 17th, the new government was sworn into office at the grand palace in Apolyton. As an eerie silence fell, it was as if the very elements themselves feared to disturb the new President, MrWhereItsAt as he strode to the podium with a purpose and delivered his acceptance speech:

"A tremendous thank you to the previous administration under OPD and Apoc - that last chat kicked ass too, Apoc! You have all put us unto an excellent position for the coming term, and we march ever forward to victory over all.

I entered the race for Term 5 President knowing that no former President had won two terms, with only one having attempted to do so, the Great Trip. When I saw my name alongside Ninot and WhiteBandit, I knew I had a real slobbeknocker on my hands. I was lucky, but Apolytonia didn't need to be - the nation would have been secure no matter who won, with candidates of that quality. I salute you both and look forward to supporting you in your future campaigns.

To the future: we have reached an enlightened time - we are now Republicans and I am proud to truly call myself a Democratically elected President under the Big Banana. We are faced with lagging behind in our scientific endeavours, and are challenged with finding ways of ensuring we remain the greatest nation on the planet. We are also faced with the aeons-old jungle still choking our lands. With a concerted effort, the hard-working Science Minister Thud and Works Supremo GhengisFarb, we can clear both these problems and reach our zenith, our perfection. City Overseer E_T has plans to make Apolytonia's cities into the most shining examples of cilvilization in history, and Imperial Expansion Minister Jonny will ensure virgin (

) lands are taken for our burgeoning population.

Minor lands such as France will soon perhaps fall before us under the leadership of Aggie the Great, and the devilishly cunning plans of Lord Togas will allow us to squeeze our unworthy neighbours dry of techs and lytons. These lytons will be allocated by Treasurer Reddawg, who in his near infinite wisdom keeps the nation growing at an impressive pace. All of this will go on under the hawk-like supervision of Arnelos, who I am sure will prove to be absolutely indispensable in services to the nation.

Friends, the future is a vast undiscovered country indeed, but we have on hand the most experienced, the most enthusiastic, the brightest and the best Apolytonia has to offer, both Ministers and Senators. I invite you to join me in ensuring once and for all there are never again doubts about who is the at the top of the heap.

Who better than Apolytonia?"

A silence fell over the croud for mere moments, each having lost the will to speak in the wake of such magnificence. However, soon a cry arose that shook the very ground. Reports have come in claiming it could be heard from as far as London.

One by one each of the new Ministers took the oath of office and officially took over for their departing counterparts. Arnelos stood proud in acceptance of his new role as Vice President. Aggie once again returns to duty to lead the mighty armies of Apolytonia, standing with the same fierce gaze that has placed fear into so many of our enemies. It is no wonder all feared to oppose him in the eleciton. Togas once again accepted his tenure as Foreign Affairs Minister with the gentle smile that haswon many a deal on the bargaining table. E_T took office for the first time as City Planner, his eyes showing a calculating mind that will not let one tile slip by his watchfull gaze. GhengisFarb took the stand again, though this time in the role of Public Works. One could already see his mind formulating plans for what are now his workers. Reddawg appeared every bit the mathmetician, resuming his role in charge of the Empires coffers. Thud appeared a bit preoccupied, apparantly anxious to get back to the labratory and continue whatever research he has been working on. Jonny took the stand, laden with a numbr of maps. No doubt charting the location of our next cities as he assumed the Imperial Expansion role.

With such talent taking office, the next term looks promising indeed.

-UnOrthOdOx

NewCon inspires debate
Some Clauses being contested

APOLYTONIA, Apolytonia – Ever since the Constitutional Convention returned with a first draft of their proposed constitution last Wednesday, aptly dubbed ‘NewCon’ by GhengisFarb, the public has focused on the draft with an intensity not seen in the History of Apolytonia. Within the first day of the draft being posted, the discussion forum on the subject swelled to include over seventy posts and responses. Furthermore, discussion still continues, and there have now been roughly one hundred and sixty answers to Constitutional Convention Member and Secretary Togas’ request for comments.

The Constitutional Convention was founded in Term Three to tackle the task of rewriting our Constitution. The appointed and elected members of the committee are adaMada, Togas, NotYouEither, and Apocalypse. They seemed genuinely enthusiastic about the draft they released, with comments such as “I’m strongly in support of the [NewCon] in its current forum” (adaMada) and "I'm both exhilarated and exhausted. I'm very proud of this document. I think we all are. I hope that Apolytonia embraces this new Constitution with as much enthusiasm as we have for it" (Togas).

With the drastic amount of changes proposed, perhaps it is no surprise that there has only been mixed support. Though most have acknowledged that the Constitution is a vast improvement, certain clauses are being hotly debated. One of these, the clause stating that ‘Abstain’ votes in a poll count towards the Quorum (number of votes any valid poll must meet), is being debated prominently in the Senate. UnOrthOdOx commented that “Abstain should either NOT count towards the quorum, or if they do, they should count as NO. With them counting towards Quorum, it would be possible to pass a law with 3 yes, 1 no, and 40 abstain. This is just flat out wrong.”. Other players disagreed, siding with the writers. “An Abstain by definition is a statement that "I agree to go along with what ever the majority decides.” GhengisFarb explained.

Another hotly debated issue is the new senate structure. NewCon explicitly allows the Senate (Players) to organize themselves, leading to a great deal of discussion on the form that any new government should take.

The Constitutional Convention has posted a ]preliminary poll to gauge support for the New Constitution and to help decide it’s course of action. “So far, the results are positive, with the majority of citizens supporting the Constitution in its current form, and most others undecided.” adaMada commented.

Perhaps Ex-President OPD has tendered the most agreeable plan so far – “I say we do away with the whole thing and just say: ‘we all play the game, but some of us play it more than others.’”

-- adaMada

Economics and Chemistry discovered
Bargaining once again pays dividends

Togas once again went to the baraining table, bringing home a great bounty of information for our great nation. The first came with the routine peace negotiations, when Bismark was more than willing to offer us Economics and his world map at a far preater bargain than normal. "I don't know, perhaps he remembers the time we sent him back home weeping like the cward he truly is. Where as once, I had considered him to be a strong, stubborn individual, I have come to realize that he has no more backbone on the bargaining table than he showed us during the 'war' he attempted to wage on our fair nation. I almost feel sorry for him. Just like the big bully, once you stand up to him you find a coward underneath." Economics will allow for far more accurate predictions and planning of our expendatures. Many argue, however, that Reddawg had already secretly discovered Econmics when he began charting his State of the Nation reports. It is hard to imagine that any simple technology could ever improve on sich briliance. When asked, Reddawg stated "Well, it may very well be possible that I was already practicing such things when compiling my reports. I am no scientist, however. If you ask me this is all just a fancy name for good common sense reguarding money."

The next trip, Togas brought home Chemistry from Alexander. 'It is true that Alexander is a far more intelligent negotiator than Bismark. While we came out with Economics at a veritable bargain, Alexander demanded far more for Chemistry. It was fortunate that the Greek scientists had no knowledge of Economics. That alone allowed us to obtain this valuable knowledge." Once the scrolls recording the knowledge of Chemistry were returned to Apolytonia, Thud quickly went to work dissecting them to glean as much knowledge as possible. "What we disovered is that we have already been using much of this chemistry already. It is apparant as early as the first day we made Bronze, or dyed our first uniform. What we actually have here is the knowledge of HOW exactly those processes take place, and insight into similar new processes. I suspect that we will soon be able to make newer, stonger metals than this Iron we can find naturally, or even a more potent form of gunpowder. Who knows, with such new combinations resulting in stronger, and more powerfull items, we may one day even change the way we look at the world." One can only expect such strange talk from a scientist.

With new knowledge at hand, our Scientist continue to work towards their secret project. Despite several attempts to get a look, however, it still remains a mistery. Glimpses have revealed a great piece of machinery, but no real knowledge outside the scientific community as to what it's purpose may be.

- UnOrthOdOx

Meshelic · October 20, 2002, 01:17

Brilliant! My favorite volume so far, good work Unorthodox!

I like the storytelling style much better than the 'news' style report, but the two in conjunction with each other are really great

Donal Graeme · October 20, 2002, 01:36

Wonderful. Simply Wonderful. I true treasure to read. I should really get back into the hang of things, but I have been busy doing other stuff. I always look to the Jungle Gazette to find out what I have missed.

civman2000 · October 20, 2002, 08:35

GReat chart of the NewCon in the subscriber version!

Reddawg · October 20, 2002, 14:43

haha, I really liked this one... and props to Aro too, very nice.

Donegeal · October 20, 2002, 18:49

I truly cannot believe we get this for free. I swear you were a newpaper guy in RL.

This gets better all the time!

UnOrthOdOx · October 21, 2002, 14:13

Quote:

Originally posted by donegeal
I swear you were a newpaper guy in RL.

Not even for the Highschool paper. Literally Flunked out of English in Highschool, got an 8 on the ACT test in English, and took remedial in College.

The closest thing to this style I have ever done was writting reports for Psychology courses. Interesting studies in those Psychology classes...

100 Banana's to anyone who can guess my RL job.

Arnelos · October 21, 2002, 14:27

Quote:

Originally posted by UnOrthOdOx

Not even for the Highschool paper. Literally Flunked out of English in Highschool, got an 8 on the ACT test in English, and took remedial in College.

The closest thing to this style I have ever done was writting reports for Psychology courses. Interesting studies in those Psychology classes...

100 Banana's to anyone who can guess my RL job.

Aeronautical Engineer?

That's a somewhat wild guess, but I'd at least bet that you were an engineer.

OPD · October 21, 2002, 15:07

UnOr is a buisnessman of some kind.

I know as I have been stalking him for a few months now.

civman2000 · October 21, 2002, 15:10

You've been stalking him for a few months and all you know about his job is that he's "a businessman of some kind"?????????

Apocalypse · October 21, 2002, 15:15

I think it has something to do with a restaurant.

MrWhereItsAt · October 21, 2002, 15:17

Engineering Consultant?

jdd2007 · October 21, 2002, 15:17

id say he works in an office... of some kind

adaMada · October 21, 2002, 15:21

I know... but I'd rather see everyone squirm, and it'd sort of cheep to tell

.

-- adaMada

jdd2007 · October 21, 2002, 15:23

ii remember him telling us his job as well, but i cant exactly recall exactly what he said

UnOrthOdOx · October 21, 2002, 15:37

Quote:

Originally posted by Apocalypse
I think it has something to do with a restaurant.

Though that may be my dream job, it is not my job at present.

And I am no Engineer, though I do work along side of them most the time, even give input now and then. Depends on the contract being worked, and the Engineer in question.

I guess you can call this an office, though I also have the most portable internet connection ever invented, so don't judge based on my ability to get online at any time. I am rarely at my desk.

Arnelos · October 21, 2002, 17:19

Quote:

Originally posted by UnOrthOdOx

Though that may be my dream job, it is not my job at present.

And I am no Engineer, though I do work along side of them most the time, even give input now and then. Depends on the contract being worked, and the Engineer in question.

I guess you can call this an office, though I also have the most portable internet connection ever invented, so don't judge based on my ability to get online at any time. I am rarely at my desk.

OK, A REVIEW OF THE CLUES YOU HAVE PROVIDED US:

- English is not your strong suit
- Legal contract language is not your strong suit, though you occassionally have reason to look over contracts related to your work
- You have had contact with a 3-star general
- You work with physics on a daily basis
- You likely do not live in the DC area because of comments to me when I made reference to events in the area (I don't really know where you live)

MY CONCLUSION WAS:

You work for a defense contractor. I just don't know your specific job. Engineer was a solid guess based upon that assumption... and now you've told us that while you are NOT an engineer, you DO work with them on a daily basis

SO...

I still think you work with a defense contractor, but your statements about legal contracting work suggest you're likely not a contract negotiator. However, it is still possible that you somehow work in some manner when it comes to negotiation or technical collaboration (this might account for the interaction with the 3-star general).

HOWEVER...

It is also possible that you actually work on the other side, for Uncle Sam and that you work with contractors (thus the references to legal contracts).

Of course it's possible you don't work in defense contract work at all, but I'm still working on that hunch for now

DAVOUT · October 21, 2002, 17:21

Consultant in quality control.

DAVOUT · October 21, 2002, 17:29

Or you control for the DoD that the materials and processed used in the production of the end product are conform to those in the contract.

UnOrthOdOx · October 22, 2002, 08:58

Quote:

Originally posted by Arnelos

OK, A REVIEW OF THE CLUES YOU HAVE PROVIDED US:

- English is not your strong suit
- Legal contract language is not your strong suit, though you occassionally have reason to look over contracts related to your work
- You have had contact with a 3-star general
- You work with physics on a daily basis
- You likely do not live in the DC area because of comments to me when I made reference to events in the area (I don't really know where you live)

MY CONCLUSION WAS:

You work for a defense contractor. I just don't know your specific job. Engineer was a solid guess based upon that assumption... and now you've told us that while you are NOT an engineer, you DO work with them on a daily basis

Actually I live in Utah. If that should help you any. I also travel quite often to California, New Mexico, Seattle, and Wyoming for business. Occasionally I may even travel elsewhere.

And no, DAVOUT, I am not in QA (quality assurance).

I am also a civilian.

Randolph · October 22, 2002, 09:21

He's not likely to tell if you're guessing "aeronautical engineer", "astrophysicist", or “CEO of Dupont”... but if we start saying "janitor", "sales clerk" or "currently seeking employment" revealing the truth may be a more desirable option...

Arnelos · October 22, 2002, 10:54

Quote:

Originally posted by Randolph
He's not likely to tell if you're guessing "aeronautical engineer", "astrophysicist", or “CEO of Dupont”... but if we start saying "janitor", "sales clerk" or "currently seeking employment" revealing the truth may be a more desirable option...

Good point...

New guess: Administrative Assistant to a Manager for a Defense Contractor (this could account for contact with the general)

UnOrthOdOx · October 22, 2002, 11:38

'Defense Contractor'

I know I have already said I work for Boeing somewhere...

I am no one's assistant, though.