An Ode to SMAC

[Theben]

AN ODE TO SMAC
(aka Diedre's Lament)

sung to a similar tune from the Wizard of Oz

I was at war with the Hive
And I thought, "To Hell with this jive
I need to take a trek,"
To find the other factions
So that I can take some action
Against this jerk- with better tech

So I went to Brother Lal
Who always has been my pal
But he had a Secret Project,
And there's no point in debating
As there's no way he is trading
To me that or any tech

Then I sought an ally of Morgan
Though advisors doubt that I can
"The plan is most suspect...
Your economy is planned"
But I think I can demand
That he trade with me some tech

He said, "The best colloquialism
Regarding communism
Is your economy's a wreck,"
And instead of things being better
He said, "I pronounce Vendetta!"
Though I only asked for tech

Encountering the UoP
I opened talks twixt him n' me
What he said was, in effect,
"Hello, my name is Zakharov
And I will blow your head off
'Cuz I'm way ahead in tech"

So onto Santiago
My probe teams they did now go
Looking back, in retrospect,
It wasn't the best philosophy
To have others and her fighting me
But I really needed tech

The situation's full of thistles
Fighting fusion guns with missiles
But the worst's to come as yet,
I'm outnumbered now by 4-to-1
And allied against me are those sons
Of b******- who've traded tech

To insure this game is over
Here comes Miriam with her rovers
I'll be dead in just a sec,
My armies have been finished
And my territory's diminished
'CUZ I NEVER GOT THE TECH

Proof positive that the devil makes work for idle hands...
[This message has been edited by Theben (edited June 15, 2000).]

[Velociryx]

Bravo! Nicely done Theben!
-=Vel=-

A work of art if I ever saw one

------------------
Yours Truly

[Kinjiru]

From time to time a situation similar to your own has visited me, brother Theban. But I have never been inspired to such heights of prose by the crushing defeat. You are to be commended sir, on sharing with us your experience and sense of humour.
[This message has been edited by Kinjiru (edited June 16, 2000).]

[Alinestra Covelia]

"Dead", by Captain Garland.

(Sung to the tune of "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia. This owes some of its subject matter to the SMAC official story.)

I thought I chose a decent 2-i-c.
He was strong, he was controlled, and he respected me.
But he didn't like democracy.

And he was not the man I thought he was.
Didn't seem to heed, didn't seem to care for all the U.N. laws.
So I dismissed him from the cause:

He's not the perfect man for this,
He's actually a communist!
That's Sheng-Ji Yang!
So who's in charge? I'm dead!

I'm all out of blood,
Pain is all I feel.
I'm cold and bleeding dry,
Putting stains onto the floor.

My arteries are drained:
Watch their load congeal.
I'm still awake and I can see the spaceship hull is torn.

Corazon's rebelled,
The mission's gone to hell...

The saboteur's remark rings back to me:
"Mankind is only two short meals away from anarchy."
I used to be their leader, now
I'm dethroned, I have no force...
I'm quickly to become a corpse!
The mission's headed for "Abort". I'm dead!

Zakharov is drunk.
Miriam's in a sulk,
The whole ship's in a funk
And Deidre Skye is in the buff.

Lal is feeling stressed,
Yang is left in charge.
Morgan's snuck on board and Corazon is still at large.

Here I lie in throes
Of fatal agony.
Everywhere they're thinking of all sorts of things but me!

Ooohhh...

[expires. death rattle mixes with the guitar solo as spaceship atmospheric integrity is lost and the UNITY implodes noisily.]

------------------
"In all creation, there can be no task more onerous or tedious than that of playing God." - Stephen Fry, 'The Liar'.

Homepage http://www.enixine.dabsol.co.uk (Shared)

[Bearcat]

*fingers snapping*

Nice. Very nice.

[Theben]

HELP!!!!

My father wants me to sing this stupid song to him!!!

The horror, horror...

[Googlie]

Theben and AC:

Excellent

(Apolyton - new Forum called SMAC Poetry?)

Googlie

[Alinestra Covelia]

Planet to Fall (or, "The Ballad of Hive Regiment a675-355" NB.)

Here we stand, and here we fall,
Sheng-Ji Yang won't care at all.
Turn and run? Stand and fight?
Either way, we're getting 'Busted tonight.

Yeah! We won't spare no lives at all,
As we're fighting with our backs to the wall.
Doom on you and doom on all...
Doom on us - when the Planet-Bomb falls - yeah!

At every twist, and every turn,
We slow our enemies before we all burn.
Block their path, obstruct their goal,
Keep 'em waiting till the Fat Woman blows!

Fight your wars the U.N. way:
Raise your army, then sit voting all day.
Let your dogmas freeze your creed:
Can't take a slash without a 2-to-1 lead.

Commie, Nazi, Free Man - well, in war, it's all the same!
(Oh no! Oh no!)
Well, lock and load cos soon we're gonna see some nuclear rain!
(Oh no! Oh no!)
Tell my wife I won't see her again! Yeah!

[Corporal Bai Ran Mei does a guitar solo]

As Morgan wanted life unbound,
So we have our immortality found.
Although we die, friend, do not fear:
Soon our half-life will be 2500 years!

Stand your posts and meet their push:
Those who die now merely miss the big rush.
Spare a thought for Yang and Lal,
They'll be watching when the Planet-bomb, Planet-bomb falls!

It's going to fall, yeah -

Planet Bomb falls -

Laughing while the Planet-Bomb falls!

While we're waiting for all Planet to, Planet to, Planet to fall!

Give it to 'em one more time!

[very loud noise]

[static]

NB (Historically, Hive regiment a675-355 were responsible for the pinning down of Peacekeeper troops on the slopes of the Garland Crater in Hu Man Bing's SMAC game. The single Hive infantry elite chaos bombard unit strategically held around 10 invading Peacekeeper infantry units at ground zero, just out of range of the Peacekeeper capital, so that the Chairman's Planet Buster missile could "clear the way". Needless to say, regiment a675-355 did not survive the conflagration to be rewarded for their resolve. A plaque to their bravery stands today at UN Headquarters, administered by Base Governer Hu Man Bing. This song was the final transmission of regiment sergeant Ren Zhen Fang, who was famous for his exemplary training methods, liking for Queen music, and rather macabre sense of humor.)
[This message has been edited by Alinestra Covelia (edited June 20, 2000).]