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Old December 12, 2002, 18:18   #31
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There's a fire (or similar incident) at Moe's:

Someone: Everyone make for the exit
Barney: There's an exit?

Bart: I could go to sleep and never wake up again
Grandpa: Welcome to my world

Bart: Dad, we preferred your half-assed approach to under-parenting to your half-assed approach to over-parenting
Homer: But I'm using my whole ass
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Old December 12, 2002, 18:25   #32
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Simpsons quotes, eh?

"sure, i'll just write it up on my invisible typewriter" - Chief Wiggum after being told about Stampy.


"Dad, what religion are you?"
"You know the one with all the good meaning stuff that doesnt work out in real life"
"Christianity?"


"ooh, a sarcasm monitor. That's a really great invention" - comic book store guy


"Ah great, mormons" - homer on opening the door to 2 aliens.


"Homer Simpson smiling politely" - Homer when meeting Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins.

"Ahoi hoi?" - Burns answering the phone.
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Old December 12, 2002, 18:48   #33
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Someone here at Poly used to have a Simpson qutoe in his sig., which I thought was extremely good (see if I can remember it):

Mr. Burns: "Exploitation and opression are a moderate price to live in the land of free."
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"The world is too small in Vorarlberg". Austrian ex-vice-chancellor Hubert Gorbach in a letter to Alistar [sic] Darling, looking for a job...
"Let me break this down for you, fresh from algebra II. A 95% chance to win 5 times means a (95*5) chance to win = 475% chance to win." Wiglaf, Court jester or hayseed, you judge.
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Old December 12, 2002, 19:00   #34
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Marge- "You've turned our town into a trash-hole!"
Homer- "Ix-nay on the Ash-hole-tray."
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Old December 12, 2002, 19:07   #35
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I'm sorry to invade again. I can't remember a sequence well, which I thought was very funny.

It was Sunday School and the kids asked questions like:
Kid1: "Can my guinee-pig "Mel" go to heaven when it's dead?"
Teacher: "No."
Kid2: Can my baby brother who hasn't been baptized before death go to heaven?"
Teacher: "No."
etc.
Finally Bart says something like:
"If you kill your family with an axe, rape your grandmother etc. etc. but in the last second of your life confess, can you go to heaven?"
Teacher: "Bart, how often have I told you? Yes, of course!"

Can someone enlighten me how this sequence really was? Sorry for my a little bit fuzzy way to express myself here.
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"The world is too small in Vorarlberg". Austrian ex-vice-chancellor Hubert Gorbach in a letter to Alistar [sic] Darling, looking for a job...
"Let me break this down for you, fresh from algebra II. A 95% chance to win 5 times means a (95*5) chance to win = 475% chance to win." Wiglaf, Court jester or hayseed, you judge.
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Old December 12, 2002, 19:11   #36
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Marge: Homer! There's a man here who says he can help you!

Homer: Batman?

Marge: No, he's a scientist.

Homer: Batman's a scientist?

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Old December 12, 2002, 19:21   #37
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End of Treehouse of Horror XI

Kang: Can you believe it, Kodos? They left us out of the Halloween show!
Kodos: Are you sure the space phone is working?
(Kang tries it)
Kodos: Hang up, they could be trying to call right now!
Kang: I knew we should have sent them a muffin basket...
(The phone rings. Kodos answers.)
Kodos: Kang and Kodos Productions... uh-huh... yes... just a second...
(He covers the mouthpiece.)
Kodos: Do we want to do a commercial for something called "Old Navy?"
Kang: (shrugs) Ehh, work is work...

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Old December 12, 2002, 19:27   #38
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"Hello, Smithers. You're quite good, and turning me on!"
- computer-generated Mr. Burns on Smithers' PC
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Old December 12, 2002, 19:33   #39
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Homer, singing with glee:

"I am so smart, S-M-R-T... I mean S-M-A-R-T"
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Old December 12, 2002, 19:53   #40
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"C'mon, Bart, remember what Vince Lombardi said: if you lose, you're outta the family!" - Homer
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Old December 12, 2002, 20:04   #41
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"Ouch! What is that strange sensation?"

"I believe your heart is beating again, sir"

Smithers and Mr. Burns after Mr. Burns gets hit by lightning.

"Mom, the medication made my testicles swell up."

"Bart, stop being silly and give back the oranges"
And Marge puts the oranges into the lunchbags.
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Old December 12, 2002, 20:06   #42
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paraphrase

Ralph: Teacher the worm accidently jumped in my mouth and I ate it. Can I have another?
Teacher: No Ralph, just put you head down and go to sleep.
Ralph: Yeah, that's where I'm a Viking!
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Old December 12, 2002, 20:36   #43
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Head Stonecutter: "Now lets all get drunk and play Ping Pong"

Homer: "That does it. If im going to be trapped inside the house all day, i've got to go out and get some beer"

Homer: (buying Illegal Fireworks) "Lets see, i'll take a porno Mag,mmmm Box of condoms, bottle of Jack Daniels...and some illegal fireworks"

Later on Marge is unpacking the shopping
Marge: "Homer, I don't know what you have planned for tonight, but count me out"
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Old December 12, 2002, 20:41   #44
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Ralph Wiggum: "I sleep in a drawer!"
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Old December 12, 2002, 20:54   #45
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Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food!
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Old December 12, 2002, 21:03   #46
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Quote:
Originally posted by Boris Godunov
Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food!
my cats name is mittens.
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Old December 12, 2002, 21:08   #47
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Ralph: "...and when the doctor told me I didn't have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life."

Lisa picking football games for Homer to gamble on at Moe's
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Old December 12, 2002, 21:30   #48
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In one of the Halloween episodes, The Homega man. Comic book store owner is walking down the street when the Nuclear missiles land:

"Oh, I wasted my life..."

Vaporized......

ACK!
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Old December 13, 2002, 05:48   #49
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Not nearly enough Grandpa on this thread, so...

"I used to be with it... and then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it is weird and scary to me."

"I wore an onion on my belt, which was the fashion at that time..."

"In those days, there were bees on the nickel. 'Gimme two bees for a dime,' we'd say..."

"The year was 19-ought-3; the president, the divine Miss Sarah Bernhardt."

"This was back in 19-dickety-5. We had to say 'dickety' because the Kaiser had stolen our word for "zero.'"

Grandpa (carrying wooden stake and mallet): We must kill the boy!
Lisa: Grandpa? How did you know Bart was a vampire?
Grandpa: Bart's a vampire? Aaaaagh! (runs from room
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Old December 13, 2002, 06:23   #50
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From the "Who shot mr. Burns" episode, after Smither apologized for shooting Jasper(the old guy with the beard) in his wooden leg,
Jasper: You shot who in the what now?
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Old December 13, 2002, 10:18   #51
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Homer (lying on sofa, beer on belly, watching TV, when the phone rings)

Homer: Marge. Maaarge? Kids
(picks up remote and points at phone, pressing buttons furiously)
"There must be something on this thing for that thing"
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Old December 13, 2002, 10:39   #52
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"Let's see now, I'm a Freemason, a Moose, a Communist, president of Gay and Lesbian association for some reason..."

-- Grandpa

"My Homer is not a communist. He might be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is NOT a porn star."

-- Grandpa
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Old December 13, 2002, 10:42   #53
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Who is that fellow, I like the cut of his jib.

Monty Burns on seeing the devil.

We'll be as rich as Nazis

Private M. Burns
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Old December 13, 2002, 10:43   #54
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"Flintstones chewable morphine."

(repeated ad nauseam) "Will you take us to Mount Splashmore?"
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Old December 13, 2002, 10:44   #55
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Oooh... I feel all funny... I'm in love! No, wait, it's a stroke.
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Old December 13, 2002, 11:15   #56
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"Exxxxxcellent"
-Mr. Burns
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Old December 13, 2002, 11:21   #57
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I can't believe I forgot this one!

"Listen to me you. When I catch you I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove 'em down your PANTS, so you can watch me kick the crap out of you, ok?! Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat."
-Pissed off Moe on the phone
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Old December 13, 2002, 12:13   #58
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LOL....

Amanda Huginkiss.
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Old December 13, 2002, 12:19   #59
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(I'm not sure of the exact quote)

Burns is talking about being a dog or somthing.

Burns: If I were humping your leg and sniffing your crouch, whouldn't you feel the same way?
Smithers: Ummm.... if it were you sir?


I also liked the part when the camera was zoming in on Burns watching his wall of tvs while playing the Imperial March song from Star Wars.

Troy McClore (I can't spell his last name), on some special.

Troy: And now the moment you've all be waiting for. FULL HARDCORE NUDITY!!!!!!!!

Homer: Can you say Daddy? Say Da-ddy.
Bart: Homer
Homer: No, Daddy.
Bart: Homer.
Homer: Why you little! (grabs Bart).

Mr. Burns running over people in his car.
Burn: Out of my way! I'm a mortorist.
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Old December 13, 2002, 12:41   #60
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"I wanna Seymour Butts"...or something like that, can't remember the exact phrase used.
Bart calling Moe off course
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<Kassiopeia> you don't keep the virgins in your lair at a sodomising distance from your beasts or male prisoners. If you devirginised them yourself, though, that's another story. If they devirginised each other, then, I hope you had that webcam running.
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