Great lines from the Simpsons - Page 3

Rogan Josh · December 13, 2002, 12:58

On my sig
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Gustavus · December 13, 2002, 13:02

"Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensible source of cheese" Homers half brother Herb after coming in off the street.

Boris Godunov · December 13, 2002, 13:04

Mr. Burns: "I am completely self reli -- (opens mouth, Smithers inserts peanut) -- ant."

Grandpa: "I'm old! Gimee gimee gimee!"

Agent: "Are you insane or just senile?"
Grandpa: "A little from column A, a little from column B"

Kontiki · December 13, 2002, 13:13

Ah, yes, good old Grandpa:

"You're right we should have soft-boiled eggs....God created old people for a reason - to find fault with everything on his green Earth"

And, of course, Apu:

"Oh, you've got to be kidding. First, you come up with an idea for a book that's already been done and then you give it a name that no one could possibly like.... one of the top selling movies of all time..... 50 weeks on the New York Times best seller's list, what were you thinking! I mean, thank you, come again."

dudemanjack · December 13, 2002, 13:49

"Mr. Simpson, please take your things and get out! And come again." or something like that
-Apu

Boris Godunov · December 13, 2002, 13:53

Homer: Apu, give me that beer that has the Skittles in it . You know--Skittlebrau.
Apu: There is no such thing.
Homer: Oh. Well then give me a six-pack of beer and a pack of Skittles then.

Jules · December 13, 2002, 14:16

More Apu...and a song:

Apu: You see, whether igloo, hut, or lean-to, or a geodesic
dome, There's no structure I have been to, which I'd
rather call my home.

When I first arrived, you were all such jerks,
But now I've come to looooooove your quirks.

Maggie with her eyes so bright,
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright,
Lisa can philosophise, Bart's adept at spinning lies,
Homer's a delightful fella, sorry 'bout the salmonella.

Homer: Heh heh, that's OK.

Apu: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here comes the tricky part.
Oh, won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?

Marge: Their floors are stick-E-Mart,

Lisa: They made Dad sick-E-Mart,

Bart: Let's hurl a brick-E-Mart,

Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart is real... D'oh!

Simpsons: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?

Apu: Not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...[held for next three lines]

Simpsons: Forget the Kwik-E-Mart,
Goodbye to Kwik-E-Mart,
Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?

Apu: Not me.

dudemanjack · December 13, 2002, 15:22

"who needs the kwik-e-mart............I dooooooooooo"
-Apu (sobbing)

Inverse Icarus · December 13, 2002, 15:40

"thank you for your banana nut bread. here, please have a baby."
-Apu with his octupulets

"Jesus Buddah Allah, I LOVE YOU ALL!"
-Homer about to get killed by a rhino

Imran Siddiqui · December 13, 2002, 16:02

Lisa: Didn't you wonder why you were getting all the money for nothing?
Grampa: I thought it was because the Democrats were in power again.

mrboo123 · December 13, 2002, 17:39

Quote:

Originally posted by Wernazuma III
(...)It was Sunday School and the kids asked questions like:
Kid1: "Can my guinee-pig "Mel" go to heaven when it's dead?"
Teacher: "No."
Kid2: Can my baby brother who hasn't been baptized before death go to heaven?"
Teacher: "No."
etc.(..)

In my church (the mormon church,) all living thing that aren't human goes to heaven, because they don't know right from wrong, and babies that aren't baptized can to go heaven too! (Sorry if I sound like a missionairy.)

Thrawn05 · December 13, 2002, 18:11

(I don't think I got this one right, but it still is funny)

Homer: Oh sure Lisa, like there is one all MAGICAL animal that provides us with Pork Chops, Bacon, Hot Dogs, Sausages, and Ham.

Homer: Marge, how cold can your oven get? (After the Frig burns out when Homer tried to use it as an AC).

Homer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! (What Homers says after waking up from a nightmare were Bart punched him in a boxing ring. At which point he fell right back to sleep).

Homer: (singing), My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R. My balony has a second name, it's H-O-M-E-R.

And of course, the opening squence for "The Tompsons", when the Simpsons go under witness protection program.

Traianvs · December 13, 2002, 18:47

-Look what happened to me without my pills!!!!

When Grandpa nearly turned into a women after been left alone by the Simpsons.

Inverse Icarus · December 13, 2002, 19:14

Quote:

Originally posted by Thrawn05
(I don't think I got this one right, but it still is funny)

Homer: Oh sure Lisa, like there is one all MAGICAL animal that provides us with Pork Chops, Bacon, Hot Dogs, Sausages, and Ham.

Homer: Marge, how cold can your oven get? (After the Frig burns out when Homer tried to use it as an AC).

the exact quote is:

homer: "so you're not going to eat any animals? what about bacon?"
lisa: "no"
homer: "ham?"
lia: "no"
homer: "pork chops!?"
lisa: "dad, those all come from the same animal!"
homer: "yes lisa, a magical animal."

Tuberski · December 13, 2002, 19:29

Paraphrasing

Apu to Homer "May I interst you in an after dinner burrito?"

ACK!

Wernazuma III · December 13, 2002, 21:06

Quote:

Originally posted by 123john321
(Sorry if I sound like a missionairy.)

It's OK, doesn't make me a believer though. But "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening."

dudemanjack · December 14, 2002, 15:34

"Dear God, we paid for all this food ourselves...so thanks for nothing."
-Bart

"Because sometimes the only to make yourself feel good is by making someone else look bad....and I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!"
-Homer

Continuing on Lisa's vegatarian stuff...when she takes Homer's cooked pig and sends it flying down the road in a cart...it hits a bump and goes flying

"It's just a little airborn. It's still good! It's still good!"
-Homer

dudemanjack · December 14, 2002, 15:36

I keep thinking of new ones!

Where the Simpsons are taking care of Mr. Burn's mansion. They are all eating dinner. There are like 5 forks, and Marge is confused about what one of them is for. Homer, in a "rich" voice, goes:

"I believe you scratch your ass with it!"

Method · December 14, 2002, 16:09

lisa: dad! i had a bad dream!
homer: awww. tell daddy all about it
lisa: i dreamed the boogeyman was chasing me and...
homer: AHHH! BOOGEYMAN!!!
(goes into bart's room)
homer: bart, i don't want to alarm you, but there may be a boogeyman, or boogeyMEN in this house!

Zero · December 14, 2002, 16:11

"Lisa, never stop in the middle of a ho down!"
Im sure this was mentioned at least twice. Apologies

Jethro83 · December 14, 2002, 17:01

"Hello Operator! Gimme the number for 911!" - Homer

"Now I'm not easily impressed... WOAH!!! A BLUE CAR!!!" - Homer

"Worst episode EVER!" - Comic store guy

Lisa: (crying) "I'm not a state! I'm a monster!"

Homer: No. The only monster is the gambling monster that's consumed your mother! And I call him GAMBLOR!!!"

Marge: "Kids can be so cruel."

Bart: "We can? Thanks mom!" (runs into other room)

Lisa: (In other room) "Bart! Stop that!"

Boris Godunov · December 14, 2002, 18:05

Classic:

Lawyer: Why do you have "Die, Bart, Die" tattooed on your chest?
Sideshow Bob: Oh no no no. (opens shirt to show tattoo) That's merely German for "The Bart, The."
Parole Board Member: Anyone who speaks German couldn't possibly be evil! Parole granted!

Method · December 15, 2002, 12:29

Rex Banner (grabs flanders): Are you the beer baron?
Flanders: well, if you're talking about root beer, than i'm guilt-diddly-ilty as char-diddly-arged!
Rex (to other officers): he's not the baron, but he sounds drunk. take him in.

Rex (grabs comic book guy): Are you the beer baron?
comic book guy: yes, but only by night. by day, i am a modest reporter for a metropolitan newspaper.
Rex: don't get smart with me, tubby
CBG: Tubby?! oh yes, tubby...

Boris Godunov · December 15, 2002, 12:58

Lisa: Dad! We did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Lisa & Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa & Bart: Yes!
Homer: But the car's okay?
Lisa & Bart: Uh-huh.
Homer: Well that's fine then.

GePap · December 15, 2002, 16:49

From the Bart the healer episode:

Nerd 3: And I invented a program that downloads porn from the internet 1 million times faster.
Marge: who needs that much porn?
Homer: Mhhh.. 1 million times faster..ahhhghh

President: Now say hello to our all American kicker, Antonin Luvchenko
Luvchenko: groing up in home country poor, luvchnko dreamed of playing American football..
(P. waving hand to get him to end)
Luvchenko: long story short, go Springfield U!

President: Deans Chuckles and Boris (addressing two Goons), make sure he gives all that he can.

Lisa: dad, I think Godzilla was bigger than Superman
Homer: Duh, its not to scale Lisa.

Lovejoy: So you think Church is boring?
Bart: Yes
Lovejoy: Hey, i am doing the best I can with the material
Bart: BUt Church doesn't have to be boring: a good preacher knows how to make church come alive, with music, and singing, and Tae Bo: tu to tu, ta tu tu to
(dances in the aisle, doing Tae Bo as crowd cheers)
Lpvejoy: Never give them an opening....

Some paraphrasing:
Traveling preacher: BUt son, have you ever though what you will do to repent?
Bart:I was thinking a life of sin followed by a presto chango death bed confession.
T.P: Hmm' thats a good plan...wait, no, but what happens if you were to die suddenly?
Bart: Hey, your right...I do need full coverage.

Hibbard: and with barts healing powers, I shoul be able to re-attach that leg in no time
Bart: how many times do i have to tell you all, I have NO healing powers!
Hibbard: well, then more money for me.

Traianvs · December 15, 2002, 18:18

-Smithers: So Mr.Burns, are you going to donate that 1 million dollar to the disabled children charity fund after all?
-Mr.Burns: If pigs fly Smithers....
....
*They both watch homer's pig fly past their window*

Clear Skies · December 15, 2002, 18:28

Sorry, don't know if this one's been posted before already...

Mr. Burns offers Lisa a check for 10% of the $120,000,000 he got for selling their business.
Lisa: Oh, but I can't accept that, knowing where it came from. Can I? Mom?
[Marge tells Lisa to do whatever her conscience tells her to. Lisa takes the check, and, hestitating, tears it up. Marge tells Lisa that she did the right thing, and Homer collapses.]

Dr. Hibbert at the hospital: Well, that's the first case I've ever seen of a man suffering four simultaneous heart attacks.
Lisa: I'm sorry, Dad.
Homer: It's all right. I understand. But we really could've used that $12,000.
Lisa: [nervously] Um, Dad, ten percent of $120,000,000 isn't $12,000. It's.…
Woman’s voice [over intercom]: Code blue! Code Blue!

Frankychan · December 15, 2002, 18:33

"Save me Jebus!" -Homer

Thrawn05 · December 15, 2002, 18:35

Quote:

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
Classic:

Lawyer: Why do you have "Die, Bart, Die" tattooed on your chest?
Sideshow Bob: Oh no no no. (opens shirt to show tattoo) That's merely German for "The Bart, The."
Parole Board Member: Anyone who speaks German couldn't possibly be evil! Parole granted!

(Sideshow Bob makes car plates)
IH8BART

---
YVAN EHT NIOJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paul Hanson · December 15, 2002, 19:16

"How many shares will I have to give you to end this conversation?"