THE JUNGLE GAZETTE
Your Light in the Jungle Since 1730 BC
Volume XXXI
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CONDOM FACTORY BREAKS DOWN – MASSIVE POPULATION JUMP IN DEMO GAME
For reasons unknown, a large number of people have recently joined the demo game. Up until about 3 weeks ago, our numbers have been steady at just under a hundred individuals. Since then, our population has almost had a 50% increase, to a population of 152 persons. One anomalous individual in the government was heard saying “When we changed over that condom factory in Macross City to making rubber boots for our troops, we never anticipated something like this….” Hopefully, with these new persons, they will make themselves heard and seen. GREATINGS AND WELCOME ALL.
- GK
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Our headline article from issue XXX (and you have no idea how hard it was to not devote that issue to Porn and Booze), apparently the condom factory is still making boots, as our population is now at 178 individuals. We are still glad to have you, and hope that you will participate and enjoy your time here.
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News from the German Front
War Correspondent Gregory Gunn reporting for the Gazette. 1295 AB
It is quiet, clear night here on outskirts of Abandonment, only a few kilometers from the German border. One of those nights where a young man's thoughts could easily drift to more romantic, and definitely less-military matters. But that will not be the case tonight for our troops, as shortly after 5am the sky alights with the flashes of hundreds of Apolytonian guns. The shelling of Stuttgart has begun.
The barrage continues unabated for over 8 hours. From my observation point on a hill to the south of the main artillery concentrations, I can clearly see the effect of modern firepower on this ancient city. Buildings collapse, suspected enemy strongpoints are reduced to rubble, and Stuttgart soon becomes a blurred mixture of dust and debris. One gets use to the constant thundering of the guns; the explosions in the distance are distinct, but muted. What you cannot hear - thankfully - are the screams of either the defenders or the civilian population. Both suffer heavy casualties.
Around noon, a military observer calls our attention to the collapse of one of the few remaining buildings; perhaps a cathedral or church, but with all the dust and smoke, no one can be sure. What is clear, is that just after 2pm, Apolytonian cavalry advance into the remains of Stuttgart and meet light resistance from the defenders. Our losses are minimal.
Stuttgart lies in ruins. Cavalry are mopping up the defenders and dealing with resistors. The artillery has done its job, and done it well. What is left of Stuttgart will soon be razed to the ground; erased from both the map, as well as the memory of our enemy.
This is Gregory Gunn, reporting from the German front.
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Embassy from Elucidia – by Kentonio
Elucidia is the demo nation running at CDG, the Civ 3 site dedicated to hosted mod making teams and individuals. Only a couple of months old the demo game has taken off nicely. We have been leaning towards integrating a role playing feel to the game itself rather than separating this from the game and we are starting to get a real sense of pride going with everyone interested and caring about what happens to the country.
We are playing a huge map with 15 nations so we have already encountered a number of nations. It has been interesting to see the diplomatic solutions and theories that have arisen to deal with the situation and the different war and peace factions that have arisen. Hopefully 2003 will see the nation of Elucidia really take off and the game continue to flourish.
Editorial Note – apparently, they have their own newspaper, and would like to interview someone from our demo game, preferably someone within the government, but anybody really. If interested, please contact Kentonio via PM
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Trout-Slapping Hits Epidemic Proportions
President Arnelos Implicated
The Surgeon General of Apolytonia has declared that the practice of Trout-Slapping has now become a national epidemic, and has raised a call for action. The latest statistics released by the Surgeon General’s office indicate that fully 59% of the population had engaged in some form of trout-slapping within the last twelve months. Granted, 32% report themselves as ‘casual users’ or ‘recreational’ trout-slappers. But an alarming 17% have self-identified as ‘hard-core users’ – those who trout-slap at least once a day.
Of equally grave concern, trout-slapping has moved into the main-stream of life in Apolytonia. Once a habit almost strictly confined to individual homes or illegal trout-slapping dives, it is now common-place in public places, including forums and chats. My own personal exposure was just last week, when after a hard day at the Gazette, I dropped in to the Banana King Tavern for happy hour. Despite the signs clearly banning the practice on the premises, two of the patrons were gleefully trout-slapping each other, with the bartender and other patrons seemingly oblivious to the scene. It has become that common a public practice.
Health effects aside, the Surgeon General raises other points which should concern the government. Trout-slapping decreases productivity. It is well-documented that while trout-slapping, both hand-eye co-ordination and mental capacity decrease considerably. This affects both worker productivity and city output, and can have a profound impact on strategy chats, where the business of Apolytonia is done.
A most disturbing story comes from the Roman front, where although the war goes remarkably well, sources indicate that it would have gone even better if troop efficiency had not been degraded by a continuing trout-slapping problem amongst the troops. It has been rumored that one of Apolytonian’s rifle units had an unprecedented 80% usage rate, was unfit for duty when war broke out, and took an unnecessary hit point loss shortly thereafter. The office of the Supreme Military Commander will neither deny nor confirm this report.
President Arnelos himself has expressed concerns over the growing problem. In a recent interview with GodKing, the editor of the Gazette
(Editorial note – actually, I am just filling in until UnOrthOdOx can return – GK), The President acknowledged the concerns rose by the Surgeon General, but also acknowledged the rights of the citizenry to freedom of choice and action. Although back-benchers in the Senate have discussed the possibility of a bill outlawing the practice, Trout-Slapping remains legal in Apolytonia.
However, the ethical and political quandary the President finds himself in over trout-slapping has recently taken a severe turn for the worse. A Senator at the recent 1285 AD turn chat reports that the President himself was engaged in a trout-slapping incident. As reported, during the on-going war with Germany, Aggie, ex-President and now Prophet, trout slapped the President. That could have been the end of it – the war was going well and the incident could have been put down to exuberance. But then President Arnelos said “I agree with Ghengis – trout is tasty.” Up until that point he could have declared that he had been trout-slapped, but that he had not actually tasted or licked the trout.
This incident, and the President’s unfortunate remarks while the country is mired both in this epidemic as well as a two front war, apparently occurred with many Senators and Government officials in attendance. All requests to the President’s office have met with the response – ‘no comment’.
The President’s office did indicate that they will have an official statement out regarding the Sturgeon General’s … er excuse me – Surgeon General’s report within two weeks and what action, if any, might be taken to deal with the epidemic.
Perhaps the last word on trout-slapping should go to the near mythical Ming, who in a recent and very rare appearance on Good Morning, Apolytonia stated “We wouldn’t have this problem of trout-slapping if people would just stick with smileys”.
This is Crystal Clear, reporting for the Gazette.
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notyoueither to leave for an indefinite period.
One of the greats in the history of our fair nation, nye as he is commonly known, is leaving for an indefinite period do to that mysterious thing called Real Life. nye has been a court justice since the court opened it doors (IIRC) and was instrumental in the drafting of the New Constitution. He has offered his wisdom and advice through the game, and has proven himself to be an active and valuable member who will be missed. Also the leader of the Gathering Storm team in the PtW Demo game here on poly, it has apparently caused a bit of a stir. We here wish him the best of luck and may he be able to return soon.
On a side note, if you have any interest in becoming a Justice here at the demo game, it may be wise to PM our beloved President, Arnelos.
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News from the Courts: – by Justice Godking
DAVOUT brought about Case #8 recently. This case called for the impeachment of Aggie, former President, Togas, former VP and Arnelos, former FAM. This was a result of the actions brought about at the end of the previous terms administration and due to the ruling of the Court in Case #7 that the Senate cannot take away anybodies rights as granted by the Constitution. The Court ruled that Togas and Arnelos did nothing illegal, and could not have any charges brought to them. Aggie, who did admit at the time that what he did was illegal, did apologize for his actions after the fact. He even offered to resign his position. The case coming up 2 weeks after his term of office ended was what the court decided mostly upon. We felt that it is not right to impeach someone after they have left office. Therefore, the Court has found that this case should be dropped.
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Upgrading to 1.29 receives an outstanding vote of NO
In a recent opinion poll by our interim editor, GodKing, the people of Apolitania have indicated that they do not wish to upgrade to version 1.29. Although the reasoning behind this is best explained with a quote:
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Originally posted by roadcage
NO repeat NO!!! Upgrading to v1.29 now would be like ....cheating
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Roadcage went on to list his reasoning. In a previous poll taken 3 months prior, only 3 people voted against changing and listing their reasoning behind it, which including various things such as compatibility issues. Although it appears that Firaxis has worked out all the compatibility issues, the changes that the 1.29 patch makes, particularly in regards to research, have made many people feel that changing at this point is not fair to the computer.
If you wish to be a member of the cabinet, or even president, and don’t feel able as you have a later version installed on your computer, that is easily solved. Download both the 1.21 and 1.29 patches (if you don’t already have them on your machine). Run the 1.29 patch but instead of installing it, uninstall it. Then, using the 1.21 patch, install it. That will give you version 1.21 from which to play this game. Now, what if you want to also play PtW, or even Civ at 1.29 at the same time? Does that mean I cannot have more than one version up and running? Heck no. Just copy the entire directory of Civ into a second directory on your machine. Then, rename it and create a short cut to it calling it something like civ1.21 or DemoGameCiv. Then install the patch you wish to use on the original version. This method has worked well for many members of our government through the ages.
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Emancipation or Economics – by GodKing
A large debate is currently raging through our community regarding the use of slavery. Currently, we have such a large work force consisting mostly of slaves, which cost us nothing to maintain. However, we also have a fairly large number of native workers. These native workers work faster and more efficiently than the slaves, but cost a gold peace each turn to maintain. As we are approaching the time when we will no longer need such a massive workforce, debate is raging as to whether or not which group to disband. Those who favor a humanitarian approach (such as myself, although I am trying to be unbiased here) dislike the concept of slavery so much that even in the game, we wish to eliminate it. Others take a more pragmatic approach, realizing that it is a game, and say lets join the native workers and get the extra gold. Truly a dilemma that has plagued mankind through the ages. Please let your voice me heard in the relevant threads.
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BANANA KING TAVERN CHAIN EXPANDS
GhengisFarb has opened another branch of his world famous Banana King Tavern, for the use of RP in the demo game. If you enjoy a good Banana Brew and some good company, feel free to drop by any of their locations in BHQ, Apolytonia, Tassagrad, Termina, Gotham, and Chartres.
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from the staff of the Gazette:
HAPPY NEW YEAR
The next edition is not scheduled to be released until mid to late January, or perhaps even not until February. If you wish to be editor and release an edition prior to, please feel free to PM GodKing. UnOrthOdOx has indicated that he may be returning in the near future, and if so he may well take up his mantle with publishing the Gazette. If so, I am sure you will hear of it. Thanks and good civ’n.
