I have a question about marriage.

MrFun · February 3, 2003, 00:14

What societal factors have caused heterosexual divorce rate in marriage to become 50% of all marriages, or more?

Do not turn this into a blame-everything-on-moderate-feminists thread. Just because we no longer view women as being inferior to men, does not mean that they're the cause for such a skyrocketing divorce rate -- at least, in my opinion.

I guess I'm old-fashioned in that I value monogamous, stable relationships among heterosexuals and homosexuals.

I cannot judge those who have what are called open relationships, but I have difficulty understanding how they can be called relationships or commitments.

Tiamat · February 3, 2003, 00:32

I don't think you can call that type of "realtionship" a relationship. When you marry that person you make a committment to them for life to be true to them and them only. It's a vow you take and should be taken seriously. Being a newlywed myself I can say that if my husband wanted to do the open marriage thingy then all bets would be off!

MrFun · February 3, 2003, 00:34

Quote:

Originally posted by Tiamat
I don't think you can call that type of "realtionship" a relationship. When you marry that person you make a committment to them for life to be true to them and them only. It's a vow you take and should be taken seriously. Being a newlywed myself I can say that if my husband wanted to do the open marriage thingy then all bets would be off!

Alexander's Horse · February 3, 2003, 00:42

Its simple really, people are selfish and they have choices. So they look out for number 1 and then they get divorced. Selfishness breaks up most marriages, imo.

In the past it wasn't that easy to get divorced. Now its simple - or looks so to fools.

So its fight or flight when the going get's tough in a marriage. Most people choose flight today. Are people better off divorced? I would say most are not. They just end up on the scrapheap or in another relationship like the one they just left.

Its sad really. It means they don't get to the deeper levels of marriage, which usually mean going through a few pain barriers over the years. They just quit when it gets hard. But the real rewards of marriage come from sticking together during the good times and bad.

Zylka · February 3, 2003, 00:47

Sincere AH post sighting +11+1~ !!1

MrFun · February 3, 2003, 00:52

Quote:

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
Its simple really, people are selfish and they have choices. So they look out for number 1 and then they get divorced. Selfishness breaks up most marriages, imo.

In the past it wasn't that easy to get divorced. Now its simple - or looks so to fools.

So its fight or flight when the going get's tough in a marriage. Most people choose flight today. Are people better off divorced? I would say most are not. They just end up on the scrapheap or in another relationship like the one they just left.

Its sad really. It means they don't get to the deeper levels of marriage, which usually mean going through a few pain barriers over the years. They just quit when it gets hard. But the real rewards of marriage come from sticking together during the good times and bad.

I'm agreeing with AH?

Because what you say definitely makes sense -- relationships take work and if you want to break it up rather than try to resolve a problem or crisis, you will never get anywhere.

For once, AH what you posted makes real sense.

But is it really as simple as selfishness and increased ease in divorce?

Alexander's Horse · February 3, 2003, 00:59

Of course I'm not opposed to a man taking a woman on the side if he's discreet about it - or whores if he can afford it.

Lefty Scaevola · February 3, 2003, 01:02

Quote:

Originally posted by MrFun
What societal factors have caused heterosexual divorce rate in marriage to become 50% of all marriages, or more?

Mostly easing of state imposed restrictions and costs on divorces. Secodly lessening, indeed near elimination, of sociatal strigma upon divorce.

Zylka · February 3, 2003, 01:03

Perhaps for myself, it's that no one is taking the act of marriage itself seriously anymore... Honestly, within the past half a century - there's no such thing as asking parents for blessings anymore (unless as a traditional gesture)

Marriage has gone through the roof with "liberated" views on sex and the ensuing increased birthrates. My parents were only married in haste when I came along, and by miracle alone they've stuck it out.

The constant pursuit of institutionalized gay marriage does not help to reinforce the traditional concept of a man and woman joining in natural (by nature!) union.

When you can legally marry some drunk silicon she-beast on a moments notice in Vegas (or near anywhere else), does the sacrament remain something special - or an occasion raped as casually as your last pack of Marboros?

What do you expect when those marrying today are increasingly casual of it... I'm telling you, we're in that handbsket firm. Pass me my pipe, junior!!!

Imran Siddiqui · February 3, 2003, 01:07

It's closer to 40% actually (at least it was in 1996):

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/030124.html

Alexander's Horse · February 3, 2003, 01:08

One big problem we have today is many people don't have around them role models of what a good marriage is. My parents have been married for nearly 50 years. Mrs Horse's parents the same - though they fight all the time

Good role models help a lot.

Imran Siddiqui · February 3, 2003, 01:10

They fight all the time because they are at the age when it is too difficult to get a divorce so they can say what is on their minds rather than just thinking it

.

MRT144 · February 3, 2003, 01:19

my grandparents have been married for 50 years, and thats only cause my grandma dont drive and my grandpa dont cook

Alexander's Horse · February 3, 2003, 01:23

Agathon · February 3, 2003, 01:28

I'd say it's because the current social climate leads people to think, "If it's good, do it". That is a gross oversimplification, but I reckon it is not too far off the mark.

(I'm not like this).

orange · February 3, 2003, 01:28

honestly, the breakdown of the Male Dominated household. Equality in the sexes brings this kind of thing about. When women can start saying "No, I won't sit here and take this from him" instead of just simply going along with whatever's wrong with the marriage, more divorces will occur.

I don't think it has to do with more infidelity, more abuse, or more problems linked to money...it's just that now women have a say too.

For that, I give a big thumbs up

However, people should be waiting until they are ABSOLUTELY certain they can be with someone before being married. Love alone won't do it, you have to be able to live, coexist, and function with that person. When times are tough, can you look to that person for strength and be strong for that person? If not, don't get married.

Zkribbler · February 3, 2003, 01:38

It's a combination of the things set out above.

It's a breakdown of the traditional relationship, where the man bropught home the bacon and the woman cooked it. Now married couples are less like a team and more like an equal partnership. Although I think, on the whole that's a good thing, one of the nasty side effects a lessening of mutual need and ergo divorce.

A lessening of the stigma of divorce.

A demand for instant gratification. "If my marriage doesn't make me happy today, I'm outta here."

Jon Miller · February 3, 2003, 02:09

Quote:

Originally posted by MrFun
I guess I'm old-fashioned in that I value monogamous, stable relationships among heterosexuals and homosexuals.

Jon Miller

Dis · February 3, 2003, 03:05

I'm going to take a lot of heat for this.

But I feel children raised by single parents are a main reason for high divorce rates.

Now this isn't true in all cases of course. I'm sure plenty of people who grew up in a healthy family have gotten a divorce. My mother is one of those. But alcoholism was a factor there.

So I say single parents combined with less of a stigma of getting a divorce.

Inverse Icarus · February 3, 2003, 03:06

the womens right's movement is directly correlated with a rise in the divorce rate.

the women of today are more educated and less dependent on their husbands. back in the day wives put up with abusive / idiotic husbands. now they are empowered and they use said powers.

more power to them.

Dis · February 3, 2003, 03:17

I don't believe that Uber.

Women are still married to abusive /idiotic husbands.

The women who are getting divorce aren't divorcing abusers. They are divorcing average joes. The abuser keep on abusing. In fact the problem is sadly worse today than it was before. although that may be because it was unreported before.

MRT144 · February 3, 2003, 03:41

i think its also the raising of our society's standards of what a marrige should be. my grandparents settled for each other and i dont think a lot of women want to do that today.

Dis · February 3, 2003, 04:15

or men.

Not all women are to blame now. Just most of them

Asher · February 3, 2003, 04:26

Maybe people are just smarter than they used to be.

Dis · February 3, 2003, 04:27

we know that isn't true

Asher · February 3, 2003, 04:28

I disagree.

Dis · February 3, 2003, 04:29

I disagree with your disagree

Asher · February 3, 2003, 04:33

I agree.

MRT144 · February 3, 2003, 04:48

or they want something out a romance novel

Skanky Burns · February 3, 2003, 05:01

Perhaps not everyone is suited to being with one person for the rest of their life?

Quote:

the womens right's movement is directly correlated with a rise in the divorce rate.

the women of today are more educated and less dependent on their husbands. back in the day wives put up with abusive / idiotic husbands. now they are empowered and they use said powers.

more power to them.