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Old May 10, 2003, 04:03   #1
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disciplining children
What is the appropiate way to discipline a child if you are a parent? a teacher/school official? or just a caretaker?

Is spanking ever allowed? What about other forms of physical punishment?

We may have had a thread dealing with this many moons ago, but not recently.

I am not a parent, and there are those who say you cannot know what it is like unless you are a parent. So perhaps I should not comment on this. I really have no idea how to discipline children.

discuss.
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Old May 10, 2003, 04:09   #2
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Not on this side of the pond, matey = at least for non-parents. You are confusing coporal punishment (beating) with discipline (maintaining order). One is a method to achieve the other, but it's not the only or the best method. Next!
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Old May 10, 2003, 04:09   #3
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I wouldnt spank my kids. i was never spanked and even though ive gone through a lot with my parents i dont believe physical punishment would have helped in anything.
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Old May 10, 2003, 04:18   #4
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I bet you spank that ass though MRT.
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Old May 10, 2003, 04:19   #5
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this thread doesn't apply to spanking women in bed. I think we can all agree that is a good thing.
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Old May 10, 2003, 04:32   #6
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My parents used (or rather, tried) a number of different punishments on me -- spanking, sitting in the corner, going to my room, revocation of an assortment of priviledges, writing "I won't do..." several hundred times, and grounding, among others.

Spanking was the only one that really got and held my attention.
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Old May 10, 2003, 05:02   #7
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I was only hit once as a child, when I was 12, and boy did I deserve it (I got waaaay too smart with my Mom)

My parents disciplined me with loss of things I wanted...TV, Food, Play Time, etc. I don't think it worked so much as it pissed me off...but then again, I don't think spanking would have either. Punishment really just puts it in the person's head for the time being...what you really need to do to 'discipline' your child is make sure that they learned a lesson. If they didn't, it can and will happen again. So what's the point?
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Old May 10, 2003, 13:34   #8
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I was spanked and lectured at when I was a kid. I'd rather endure a thousand spankings than one lecture. Take that as you will.
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Old May 10, 2003, 13:45   #9
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I was whipped for having the wrong look on my face or for making too much noise about having a teen-ager eight years my senior sitting on my chest or head.

For real punishment my Dad conceived of a real doozy: he made us tear up a section of the driveway and haul off the asphalt and gravel using nothing more than picks, shovels and wheelbarrows.

I find the threat of corporal punishment to be more effective than actually doing it.
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Old May 10, 2003, 13:52   #10
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I guess different people have different levers. The most effective punishment for me was shame (private, not public).
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Old May 10, 2003, 13:53   #11
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A good thump on the noggin to get their attention.
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Old May 10, 2003, 13:54   #12
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I think manual labor and the threat of smacking is good. But not excessive.
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Old May 10, 2003, 13:56   #13
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To paraphrase; beat them until they bruise, then beat them for bruising.
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Old May 10, 2003, 14:00   #14
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I believe in spankings (not beatings)... I've only had to spank my kids a few times... and the threat was good enough the rest of the times.

It does get their attention...

The rest of the time... removal of specific privledges for periods of time... sending them to their room... having them make restitution for something they've done... all usually work as well.

Each situation usually demands a different style of punishment.
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Old May 10, 2003, 14:01   #15
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Like the rack ?
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Old May 10, 2003, 14:02   #16
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It takes a real d1ckless muthefugga to hit a child...
chores are good... when things get really bad... smack the ass once... also... allowances are good to give because they can be taken away ... privilages as well...

I only got the ass-smacking once. When I was five, I put a baseball bat threw the wall in my room. During my teens, my mom would sometimes throw stuff at me. Forks, glasses (for drinks, not eyeglasses), one time a garbage can. But only when I was a real sh1t.
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Old May 10, 2003, 14:05   #17
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You should have beat, and beat badly.
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Old May 10, 2003, 14:07   #18
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Quote:
Originally posted by SlowwHand
You should have beat, and beat badly.
nah, it would have made me less tolerant to physical pain and more evil
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Old May 10, 2003, 14:09   #19
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More evil. Hard to imagine.
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Old May 10, 2003, 14:11   #20
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yeah, it's like trying to imagine the difference between a furnace of 1,000 Celsius and 2,000 Celsius...
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Old May 10, 2003, 14:16   #21
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ming
I believe in spankings (not beatings)... I've only had to spank my kids a few times... and the threat was good enough the rest of the times.

It does get their attention...

The rest of the time... removal of specific privledges for periods of time... sending them to their room... having them make restitution for something they've done... all usually work as well.

Each situation usually demands a different style of punishment.
I always thought you would ban them from entering the house
-
My father used to pinch my upper arm, being a very strong man that never felr any good
I even think a teacher should be allowed to perform certain punishement action, mind you that this should NOT involve a ruler or something like that.
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Old May 10, 2003, 14:31   #22
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Nobody should touch your kid but you... that's my feeling on it
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Old May 10, 2003, 16:29   #23
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My parents spanked my brother and I when we did something particularly stupid and dangerous (usually it was running out into the street) because they did not want us to repeat the action, and you tend to remember a sore ass better than a stern talking-to. Most of the time it was punishment enough for us to have to clean up the mess that we'd made (particularly the time my brother tracked dog **** through the house -- five hours of steam cleaning are enough to make anybody remember to take off their soccer cleats the next time they go in the house).
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Old May 10, 2003, 16:35   #24
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I was never spanked as a child. I think I will try to reason with my kids, and then I'll punish them, if needed.
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Old May 10, 2003, 17:05   #25
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I was hit a few times as a child, the worst being by my grandmother, who used a small, whiplike tree branch. It hurt, but I don;t think I was better of or more obidient for it. I do agree though that slight physical punishment has its uses and banning spanking is too much, as long as you don't do it out of immidiate anger since you might get carried away.

I think that if you have built a close relationship with your kid, and they respect you and seek your approval and consent, then hsaming, or strongly showing your displeasure would be enough for most kids. If you havent built sucha relationship, well, then it is much harder.
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Old May 10, 2003, 17:15   #26
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a branch?


You know, I've seen aquaintances of my parents spank their children on different occasions. I felt the following:

-The kids are angred by this, but not shamed, or regretful of what they did.
-I am getting a weird vibe that the folks are getting a power trip.

I can't say this is true for everyone, of course, just my feelings. But I think they used force too soon, and generally use it too often.
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Old May 10, 2003, 17:19   #27
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Quote:
Originally posted by Azazel
a branch?
Yes, a thin flexible one, and it hurts like hell, cause the branch itself acts like a whip. The sort of methods used in the old times, and which my grandmother kept.

Quote:
You know, I've seen aquaintances of my parents spank their children on different occasions. I felt the following:

-The kids are angred by this, but not shamed, or regretful of what they did.
-I am getting a weird vibe that the folks are getting a power trip.

I can't say this is true for everyone, of course, just my feelings. But I think they used force too soon, and generally use it too often.
Well, spanking works on a basic pavlovian way, but I think spanking only works in cases in which you have a defined and clear act yo don;t want your kid to repeat, like running out intot he street, or attacking a sibling, or the like. Spanking a kid for bad notes would only lead to what you say, sincethere are possibly many reasons for bad notes, and in such a case, i don;t think corporal punishment achieves anything.
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Old May 10, 2003, 17:26   #28
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Old May 10, 2003, 17:26   #29
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Quote:
Yes, a thin flexible one, and it hurts like hell, cause the branch itself acts like a whip. The sort of methods used in the old times, and which my grandmother kept.
just as I thought.

Quote:
Well, spanking works on a basic pavlovian way, but I think spanking only works in cases in which you have a defined and clear act yo don;t want your kid to repeat, like running out intot he street, or attacking a sibling, or the like. Spanking a kid for bad notes would only lead to what you say, sincethere are possibly many reasons for bad notes, and in such a case, i don;t think corporal punishment achieves anything.
Well, in one of the cases I saw, for example, ( very vivid, since it was a couple of weeks ago ), the grandmother spanked the kid after he ran over a garden of some seeds one of the neighbours planted. She told him not to do so, but definetly, not the same day, or in an 'important' air, and I am rather certain that the kid didn't benefit from it, at all. sigh.
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Old May 10, 2003, 17:47   #30
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I was spanked a few times in my childhood, and once very violently, with a leather belt. My mother was extremely upset, which is understandable, as I had left the house at night when I was 6 or 8, and hid for a few hours in the nearby woods, which were rumored to be populated by boars. This was by the way the last spanking I ever had.

I wholeheartedly agree with GePap : punishment cannot be enough. You have to develop a trust relation with your child in order for him to understand why he was punished. Lectures aren't good because you're only saying things the kid doesn't care about. On the contrary, you have to have him understand and acknowledge why he was wrong. The physical punishment is not necessary at all times, but can help make sure your kid won't be tempted again in the future.

However, Azazel is right : you shouldn't do physical punishment for any unimportant thing your kid does. A kid is undisciplined, and will do tricks. It is stupid to punish him for every one, and it can mess with his development
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