Comments on "Joe"

Alinestra Covelia · July 19, 2000, 17:30

Well, this is the place I've set aside for comments on my piece of fiction "Joe". As of 19th July 2000, only the starting episode has been posted, so I understand the comments will probably be a bit sparse as yet.

Hopefully it'll get a bit more momentum as time goes by and more episodes go up.

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Machines: outthinkable YES outfightable NO.
Men: outfightable YES outthinkable NO.
Allie Cove: outfallable INEVITABLY

Homepage http://www.enixine.dabsol.co.uk (Shared)

The story to which this thread relates can be found here.
[This message has been edited by Alinestra Covelia (edited December 19, 2000).]

Further edit:

I have moved the map of Planet up here for easy accessibility. As you can see, the geography is the same as you'd find on a MAP OF PLANET: HUGE map.

The names of landmasses are NOT directly related to the factions living on them. They are named thus:

Xing Ya (pronounced "Sheeng Yah") is Chinese for "New Asia". Harmonia is so named for the Harmonics of the Caretakers. Iphiclia is named after Iphicles, the mythical mortal brother to Hercules. Phoenica is named because of the shape of the continent - fancifully held to be a Phoenix and plumage, although the Hiverians sometimes called it Long Zhou ("Luhng Joe" in pronunciation) meaning "Dragon Continent".

The factions you can see here are the ones so far included in the story. Note that all the colors are "correct" in this picture. If a city looks like it's a Caretaker city, it means it is a Caretaker city. This is just to give a vague idea of the territories held by the factions:

The Hive are heavily predominant on Xing Ya, with the ruins of the Usurpers north. On the same continent are the University and the Monsoon Jungle. The Drones also once shared this continent, but were definitively eradicated by the Hive - more on that to come in the tales.

The Data Angels inhabit the northern continent (Iphiclia), and their population is still quite low, given their later start in the game. The central continent (Harmonia) is inhabited almost solely by the Caretakers - although it is important to note that the Hive are eliminating bases left, right, and center. In the story, the Hive have destroyed enough Caretaker bases to be the likely winners... so a 75% extermination is the most probable-sounding state of affairs.

The westernmost continent - Phoenica or Long Zhou - houses the Morganites, the Peacekeepers, and the Gaians. The Spartans make their rocky lairs on the slopes of Mount Planet, and the neighboring landmass.

The Nautilus Pirates are a delocalized faction, but they are certainly present, and comprise part of the Aquascante Treaty - a Treaty alliance between the Morganites, the Peacekeepers, and the Pirates. Their main base of operations is to the north of the Caretaker continent, Harmonia.

Factions not present: Cybernetic Consciousness, Lord's Believers, Cult of Planet. However, note that in later episodes of the tale, all of these factions are mentioned, however slightly.

Right. Hope that clears things up, and don't hesitate to post any questions up here!

Argonaut · July 19, 2000, 17:58

I like it so far. Looking forward to reading more, especially seeing as it involves the Data Angels (my faction of choice).

Googlie · July 21, 2000, 19:34

AC:

Interesting start. Am looking foirward to reading more about Joe and his environment.

Question?

Would the early colonists have been worried about fire? I read somewhere that the nitrogen-rich/oxygen-poor atmosphere would in itself be a fire inhibitor.

Maybe the injection of oxygen into the living environments to create a breathable balance caused a fear of internal fire?

As I say, looking forward expectantly.

Googlie

Alinestra Covelia · July 22, 2000, 20:59

Googlie: Yeah, it's a good point. In the episodes I've posted so far (as of now, 3 of them) the city has people walking about in the open without headgear or breathing apparatus - so perhaps this would imply the latter of your suggestions: the atmosphere has somehow been doctored to be high in oxygen and not nitrogen.

If this is the case, then fires would be much more worrisome than they were in the 20th century on earth - perhaps more to the degree of London, 1666 and the Great Fire.

Anyway, right now the structure of this story is purely episodic - I'm not very good at planning out great big plots. This story was inspired by a very lucky series of turns I had playing as Iron Woman on Transcend. I just thought it would be a way for me to say "thank you" to all those little Elite units that secured me the victory I needed.

------------------
Machines: outthinkable YES outfightable NO.
Men: outfightable YES outthinkable NO.
Allie Cove: outfallable INEVITABLY

Homepage http://www.enixine.dabsol.co.uk (Shared)
[This message has been edited by Alinestra Covelia (edited August 15, 2000).]

Googlie · July 22, 2000, 21:55

Bravo, AC. A fine tale told well.

Good action, great detail, and fits right in with the classic definition of good SF:

the suspension of disbelief

(as an expat, I liked the little Brit touches, too - 'story' instead of 'floor', etc.)

Googlie

Alinestra Covelia · July 24, 2000, 00:34

I'm glad you liked it, Googlie. I was happy to see that "Bollocks to that" wasn't altered by the forum censor

And it's not over by a long way yet. That was just the primary detonation, to use an appalling pun.

I just need a bit of time to get the next episode straight...

senatus · July 27, 2000, 11:34

I like it as well, especially how you portrayed the Data Angels (the police using "Citizen's Arrest", for example). With all due respect to Argo, I always thought the factional goals of the Data Angels were pretty stupid (OK for parasites in a society, but not credible for a physically isolated faction that had to struggle to survive in a hostile environment - I can't see hackers farming and 'forming, let alone rising beyond the size of the factions they prey on, *because* they need to rely upon a pre-existing infrastructure to support their social values). Instead, you've portrayed them like semi-anarchists; libertarians (unlike the PKs which are heavily governed)
with a heavy network bent, and that's far more viable (or at least, credible) as a society.

Nice to see "Human being" return. I take it you were playing the Hive in your game.

Alinestra Covelia · July 27, 2000, 13:23

Senatus: Yeah, I also found the entire logic behind a complete faction that preys on others rather faulty. I could understand a sort of meta-underground that existed between all the factions, run by a DataJack at the top and with various cells of operations beneath her, but surely once the faction actually announced its existence, then it would cease to be underground! And any decent Planetary council would move to stamp out the DataTechs immediately in order to preserve technological integrity... failing that, they could go the other way and liberalize all technology - in which situation, the DataTechs would be out of a job!

Concerning the character Hu Man Bing - he's the codename of my housemate, but in Mandarin it can actually mean "Hu the Complete Soldier". That's a little bit off right here, seeing as the character is a diplomat, but it's interesting to see that a name as artifical-sounding as that can actually bear a real meaning.

Yes, I was playing as the Hive. In fact, I am still playing that game, although the present situation is much changed from the story timeline's.

------------------
Machines: outthinkable YES outfightable NO.
Men: outfightable YES outthinkable NO.
Allie Cove: outfallable INEVITABLY

Homepage http://www.enixine.dabsol.co.uk (Shared)

Googlie · July 27, 2000, 22:31

AC:

Another hit. Bravo.

I do love the depth you are bringing to your story. And making Yang human - WOW

G.

Hydro · July 28, 2000, 19:48

AC,

I like your Yang.

He is coldly logical, but aware of the 'failings' of those around him. He is ruthless when he needs to be, but is not completely cold hearted (re. - Agent Hu). He is supremely intelligent and in complete control, of himself at least. I don't see Yang ever loosing his temper, and he would always talk in the strangely penetrating soft voice like in the SMAC tech and SP voiceovers.

As Senetus said recently, it is far too easy to portray Yang as a caricature, or as a brutish communist thug. Yang is much deeper than that. Does that make him a nice man, or likeable? Probably not. Understandable? Only if you are very lucky.

Nice job, and I look forward to more.

Hydro

Argonaut · August 8, 2000, 16:37

Please don't tell me you gave this up!

Alinestra Covelia · August 12, 2000, 03:23

Whoops, sorry everybody! On holiday.

The fourth instalment is on its way to completion even as we speak.

Alinestra Covelia · August 18, 2000, 15:51

Okay, I've posted an episode so long it had to be done in two postings!

EDIT: There used to be three pictures of the SMAX world as relevant to this story here, but I have altered and moved them upwards to post number one in this thread for accessibility.

Allie Cove

Alinestra Covelia · August 20, 2000, 15:45

Brief note: Went back to episodes 1 and 3 to change some times of day. On re-reading the Alpha Centauri manual, I remembered that Planet doesn't have a 24-hour day.

Whoops!

Alinestra Covelia · September 9, 2000, 05:59

A new post!

Yes! It's true!

The story continues!

Mind you, I have to go back at some point and really DO SOMETHING about a rather massive inconsistency in the story about the time of day. Can anybody spot what it is? Free jpeg or gif to those who see and post it up here!

Right. I'm off to play Super Smash Brothers.

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Machines: outthinkable YES outfightable NO.
Men: outfightable YES outthinkable NO.
Allie Cove: outfallable INEVITABLY

Homepage http://www.enixine.dabsol.co.uk (Shared)

Alinestra Covelia · October 7, 2000, 11:34

At risk of being accused of spamming my own thread, I'd just like to announce that Joe will have an update and new episode sometime soon.

Apologies to those of you who liked my story and were disappointed by my slight hiatus, but I thrive on feedback and this thread got none, so I assumed nobody wanted to read it.

Thanks to one guest reader who sent me an email of encouragement. You are the reason why this story is starting again and will be finished to completion - and that's the honest truth.

Allie "born again author" Cove

senatus · October 11, 2000, 11:14

Ni how and shi shi (sp).

Good to see you back in action as an author. Don't
worry, people are interested.

Heh... I figured out what it was long before
Jorenson did. "Rabbit" indeed :-) Although I know
it as "Go". I was unaware that there was a Chinese
equivalent. Also the characterization of Zakharov was dead on the money IMO.

SixArmedMan · October 17, 2000, 04:37

I've read your story from when you first started it here and I've been totally engrossed. I must say, it is THE best I've read so far. I've never seen a writer so flawlessly portray each personality with such convincing words and actions that one would attribute to them. I just never wrote any feedback before though because I'm kind of iffy about pouring your typical cliched compliments such as
"Awesome story!"
"It's really good!"
"I like it a lot!"
"It's one of THE best I've ever read!"
but when you say you considered almost stopping because of lack of feedback, I suppose ANY praise'd be appreciated by this point.

Hey, I always play as the Hive too. I'm always ruthless towards the aliens and everyone always pacts with them against me. Blah blah blah. Anyways, I think your story is great so far and I hope you finish it to the end.

Alinestra Covelia · October 18, 2000, 17:04

Good to hear from you both - rest assured that the next chapter is on its way to completion even as I type, and should (fingers crossed) be up shortly. Yes, your feedback does make a difference, and that goes for all feedback, whether a simple word of encouragement, to full-on penetrative discussion of errors or inaccuracies.

So far, I'm surprised that nobody has picked up on the biggest factual error of all in this story... but it's so big that I'm not going to do anything about it until people start pointing it out and complaining

Of course, they'd have to find it and identify it first...

Sprayber · October 19, 2000, 08:41

Been coming to this site for awhile now but this is the first time I sat down and read the fiction. Great story, I love the way Yang has been protrayed, favorite faction along with pirates, and I also like the indepth insight into the angels. This has actually inspired me to sit down to an actual game again. Anyway, keep up the outstanding work. Hope that Santiago can worm her way into the story somehow.

Alinestra Covelia · November 8, 2000, 16:57

New episode. I always say this, but THIS TIME there should be a new one hot on the heels of the one I've just posted up.

Bear with me, please.

It'll be worth it in the end.

Argonaut · November 9, 2000, 22:26

Just wanted to say I read the post, and am loving the story. I find the "chat language" to be a little hard to read, but it's a really cool effect. Hope to read more soon!

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Argo
"People want to believe what they see is true, even if it's only for the time they are in the playhouse. That's what theatre is, don't you understand? Showing people what they wish were true."
-Robertson Davies "World of Wonders"

Alinestra Covelia · November 10, 2000, 05:46

Yeah... I have been in one too many chat forums where everybody +4| |<$ _| |_|$+ |_!|<3 +#!$ 4|\| |) +#!|\| |< !+'$ |234|_|_y (00| and it has really screwed my head in, I can tell you.

Consider it a sad but necessary addition to the story, especially as it contains a fair importance to the plot later on. We all have to suffer for our art

Glad you like it! More on its way soon.

Raging Mouse · November 10, 2000, 15:08

I must say that I'm very, very impressed. You got all of this story out of one single game?

To me, that chat-language is half-unreadable, as I've never seen anything like it, but I still think it is adding flavour to your story. Don't stop. Keep us fed.

Alinestra Covelia · November 11, 2000, 06:43

Raging Mouse: Yes, I got this out of one single Iron Woman game. (No, I wasn't Margaret Thatcher.) I was playing as the Hive, and competing against the Angels for completion of the Cyborg Factory secret project. I had to pump an unbelievable number of Probe Teams into the capital base of the Data Angels - think three cruiser transports' worth - and only the very very last one survived to succeed in sabotaging the project.

At the same time, my diplomatic relations with other factions underwent curious changes, to the point where I became instrumental in a Planetary Vote.

On an administrative note, I have gone back and split the interlude properly into two posts at a paragraph break, since previously it broke in the middle of a sentence, which is not only unattractive, it is also probably habit-forming. (For those of you who are like me and can't remember them by title, it was the episode when Joely McClelland strikes it lucky. Twice.)

I should really go back at some point and eliminate all the absent conjunctions and typos in the latest episode. But that can wait until I'm fully awake.

*yawns. Pads off to find some coffee.*

SixArmedMan · December 14, 2000, 06:23

Umm... I suppose hot on the heels mean sometime within the next two months, right???

Raging Mouse · December 15, 2000, 08:51

I say take all the time you want; the longer the wait, the greater the appetite, the sweeter the food! This is a seasonal recipe for everything from dinner to choosing the time to unwrap the gifts

Alinestra Covelia · December 19, 2000, 16:49

I did say "when I'm fully awake", though, didn't I? Never mind. It's the holiday now and essays can go and whistle as far as I'm concerned. Update sometime soon... this time!

Alinestra Covelia · December 19, 2000, 19:21

Merry Christmas, everybody! Nothing like a bout of thoughtful ecological retrospection, followed by a session of hardcore bodily injury and sadistic interrogation to get the creative juices flowing!

New episode posted, to put it another way

Argonaut · December 20, 2000, 02:14

A very Merry Christmas indeed

I always look forward to your posts, and again I was not disappointed.

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Argo
"People want to believe what they see is true, even if it's only for the time they are in the playhouse. That's what theatre is, don't you understand? Showing people what they wish were true."
-Robertson Davies "World of Wonders"