What ho, pip pip, jolly good, etc.

Boris Godunov · June 4, 2003, 21:14

Well, tally ho!

I'm back from the UK. I have left that foul bit of English weather (75 degrees and sunny) and returned to the glorious New York summer (60 degrees and raining heavily). *Sigh*

I had a (here it comes) fabulous time in London. I played it up as a touris to the hilt, even going so far as to join one of those atrociously crowded evening walking tours that are about as inconspicuous as a herd of elephants rampaging down Charring Cross Road.

Some quick observations/highlights (I'm too exhausted to post much):

1) The cost of a taxi from the airport is outrageous, and given that it is the only really practical method of transport for an ignorant tourist who doesn't know how the trains work, it's borderline extortion. And why don't cabs have air conditioning? Isn't this civilization? Sorry, civilisation?

2) Notting Hill is where I want to live when I'm retired, it's decided.

3) Gorgeous hotel room. Spectacular view. Helpful, friendly (and often cute!) staff. No air conditioning.

4) The Tube is well-lit and clean, but I didn't think it was such a great transportation system as I've been led to believe. It certainly is expensive, and the twisting lines are rather confusing, though that is the fault of London's sprawling layout more than anything else. That the tube closes at midnight seems inexplicable to me. And no air conditioning. Inhuman.

5) English food lived up to its stereotype, sadly. The best meals were had in Chinese, Italian and French restaurants. The single worst was in a pub. Yech!

6) The British Museum has cooler items than the Met, but the Met has a much better layout and presentation. Still, I spent a good 10 minutes just oggling the Rosetta Stone. The pilfered bits from the Parthenon were also cool, as was the moneyn exhibition.

7) Gay Brits are certainly a forward lot. The first night there I went to a popular gay bar in Soho (subtley called G-A-Y) and was accosted by a fellow who persistently asked me what I was doing later that night. Even after I explained I would be going back to my hotel, sleeping alone and awaiting the arrival of my boyfriend the next day, he kept hitting on me. Finally he asked me if I was going to let him lick me all over later. I'd had enough at this point and just walked away from him.

Fortunately, I chatted up an adorable Irish couple from Belfast, that were spending the weekend in London and were quite pleasant. This segways to...

8) Bars close at midnight. MIDNIGHT. What the hell is this about? Don't you know that we'd stay there until 3 AM, at least, paying for drinks?! Are you people mad?! Ah but it was not lost, as the owners of G-A-Y bar also own G-A-Y club, and they happened to be handing out flyers that allowed for free entry to the club plus a queue jump, as well as a free drink. Who could resist that?

Inside, 1000 hotties dancing away. No air conditioning. I think I've made my point.

9) While I didn't have tea with the Queen, I did have Saturday brunch with 12 queens!

10) The walking tour I took was the Jack the Ripper tour, and the guide was Donald Rumbelow, who has written several books and was a major consultant on "From Hell," even giving a personal tour to Johnny Depp. It was actually a pretty interesting tour.

Well, off to bed. I can't believe I must work tomorrow. Ugh...

Cheerio!

MrFun · June 4, 2003, 21:16

Wow -- sounds like an interesting, great trip you had.

Welcome back, man.

Imran Siddiqui · June 4, 2003, 21:17

No AC?!!

How did you survive? That's horrid, it is! And the tube closing at midnight is kinda wierd.

mindseye · June 5, 2003, 01:00

Quote:

That the tube closes at midnight seems inexplicable to me

Hey, here in Shanghai the subway closes at 10:30!

At least the bars stay open later (some till 4 am or even dawn).

Apocalypse · June 5, 2003, 01:16

Public transportation starts to shut down around 7 in Houston and everything is pretty much dead by 9, with the last bit done at 11. Of course, no one really uses public transportation in Houston though.

And no A/C is just horrid. If the A/C breaks here, places are sensible enough to close.

Cruddy · June 5, 2003, 01:43

Quote:

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
Well, tally ho!

I'm back from the UK.... I had a (here it comes) fabulous time in London. ...

Glad you enjoyed it. I spent 5 years there.

Quote:

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
1) The cost of a taxi from the airport is outrageous

That's down to the extortionate tax paid on petrol/gasoline. Highest known in the Western world. Bus or tube to central is far cheaper.

Quote:

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
2) Notting Hill is where I want to live when I'm retired, it's decided.

Bear in mind that once a year 3 million people or so have a street party/carnival in Notting Hill. It's not always so quiet.

Quote:

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
3) Gorgeous hotel room. Spectacular view. Helpful, friendly (and often cute!) staff. No air conditioning.

AC is seen as wussish/unmanly by Brits. Also, it rarely goes over 70 degress Fahrenheit. Also, if tourists sweat more, they spend more on drinks. We see tourists less as people and more as a commodity - inhuman but we're not the only ones.

Quote:

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
4) The Tube is well-lit and clean, but I didn't think it was such a great transportation system as I've been led to believe. It certainly is expensive, and the twisting lines are rather confusing, though that is the fault of London's sprawling layout more than anything else. That the tube closes at midnight seems inexplicable to me. And no air conditioning. Inhuman.

The Tube is OLD. It costs a fortune to maintain and yes, it is overpriced, because it is run as a profit making concern rather than a true public transport system. It's bad, bad news when one gets stuck in a tunnel - people pass out after about a half hour. All that body heat.

Quote:

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
5) English food lived up to its stereotype, sadly. The best meals were had in Chinese, Italian and French restaurants. The single worst was in a pub. Yech!

One of my proudest moments in life was getting a Yank to confess to my face that the most disappointing thing about the UK was the food. HOWEVER, when you consider London's range is pretty much global, it has its upside. Living in London long term can be quite cheap - it's the tourists who pay through the nose.

Quote:

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
6) The British Museum has cooler items than the Met, but the Met has a much better layout and presentation. Still, I spent a good 10 minutes just oggling the Rosetta Stone. The pilfered bits from the Parthenon were also cool, as was the moneyn exhibition.

I'm glad you liked it. Personally I've never had the patience to queue for it.

Quote:

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
7) Gay Brits are certainly a forward lot....

They can be. After a couple of propositions I've adopted this strategy which has served me well for many years.

GAY: Wanna come back to my place?
ME: Nah, I don't fancy you.
GAY: Why not?
ME: Cos your tits aren't big enough and you've got a knob.

Quote:

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
8) Bars close at midnight. MIDNIGHT. What the hell is this about?

It's a holdover from WW1. It was feared that the troops wouldn't make it back to barracks for reveille with all night drinking - so they stopped it at 11.

Now, you can apply for an extension to the local magistrates, but the only automatic exceptions where the "gentleman's clubs", ie where the officers drank.
So back in the 50s some bright spark opens up a club for all, makes a pile of money, and nowadays it's just the way it is. Have a few in a pub, then go to a club.

It's such an effective form of social control that no English and Welsh (not Scottish) govt will abandon it. They keep making noises but it's the local magistrates who issue the licenses, and as a collective of old farts it will take generations for their attitude to change.

Quote:

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
Inside 1000 hotties dancing away. No air conditioning.

Some clubs do have air conditioned areas (eg Leisure Lounge, Holborn) but AC throughout is virtually unknown. MDMA has a lot to answer for. It's a pity you didn't make it to any illegal raves, as they can be absolutely fantastic. TIP: if you are brave enough, ask the Big Issue vendors (street paper for the homeless) if they know about any "free parties". You'd be amazed where you can end up.

Quote:

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
9) While I didn't have tea with the Queen, I did have Saturday brunch with 12 queens!

To each their own.

Quote:

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
10) The walking tour I took was the Jack the Ripper tour, and the guide was Donald Rumbelow, who...

Whitechapel is an EXTREMELY dangerous area for single tourists. Hell, it's very dangerous for solo Cockneys. You were wise to go on that tour.

Urban Ranger · June 5, 2003, 03:25

Quote:

Originally posted by Cruddy
Also, it rarely goes over 70 degress Fahrenheit.

That's cool.

Dr. A. Cula · June 5, 2003, 03:55

The tube closes at midnight in other european cities as well. The worst I've seen is Naples, where they they keep it open until midnight, but close the ticket booths at 8 and the vending machines only take exact money. If you don't have 0.77€ in your pocket you might as well walk home.

TheStinger · June 5, 2003, 04:01

The Tube is a plie of crap, The Paris metro is so much better.

Then agin you should try the transport systems in other British cities, oh wait they don't have them.

In Leeds the council are (amazingly) trying to encourage a european stlye cafe culture and many of the bars stay open quite late. They are quite relaxed about extending the times.

Immortal Wombat · June 5, 2003, 04:07

We don't need air conditioning for 358 days of the year. It's not worth putting in for the week you were here. That was our annual ration of heat.

Cruddy · June 5, 2003, 04:14

Quote:

Originally posted by TheStinger
The Tube is a plie of crap, The Paris metro is so much better.

As a;ready stated that's because Paris Metro makes no pretension of being a money earner. The tube is a profit making organisation that still gets 100s of millions in state handouts, not to mention the annual staff strike to get their 5% pay increase. I say nationalise it and let the squaddies run it.

Quote:

Originally posted by TheStinger
Then agin you should try the transport systems in other British cities, oh wait they don't have them.

Almost true. A few do (Liverpool for example) and a couple are rebuilding their tram systems.

Quote:

Originally posted by TheStinger
In Leeds the council are (amazingly) trying to encourage a european stlye cafe culture and many of the bars stay open quite late. They are quite relaxed about extending the times.

Shame it's not Dutch style coffee shops. Ah well.

TheStinger · June 5, 2003, 04:20

Liverpools is a half assed attempt. The problem with all the attempts outside London is that they are not big enough, They are token efforts. Madrid and Barcelona have got a very good transport system why can't Manchester and Birmingham

Cruddy · June 5, 2003, 04:26

Quote:

Originally posted by TheStinger
Liverpools is a half assed attempt. The problem with all the attempts outside London is that they are not big enough, They are token efforts. Madrid and Barcelona have got a very good transport system why can't Manchester and Birmingham

Personally, I blame the banks for a lot of the UK's shortcomings.

UK investors typically want it all. High, quick return with low or zero risk.

This results in an infrastructure that reminds us every day of what a bunch of tight fisted ****s have the power here.

And THEN the buggers moan about being late to their jobs in the square mile. It makes me laugh, it makes me cry, but without a total economic collapse and rebuilding everything from the ground up, I can't see a way round this problem.

Chris Wilkinson · June 5, 2003, 04:45

Quote:

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
5) English food lived up to its stereotype, sadly. The best meals were had in Chinese, Italian and French restaurants. The single worst was in a pub. Yech!

You haven't been to the right pubs then...if you go to a village/town pub you'll often find great food

Cruddy · June 5, 2003, 05:15

Quote:

Originally posted by Chris Wilkinson

You haven't been to the right pubs then...if you go to a village/town pub you'll often find great food

True. village pub food is the best. It has to be to get the customers through the door. And you're kind of spoiled Chris, with the Sal and the Trip to Jerusalem.

Boris was talking about London pub food, which has to be the worst pub food in the UK. They're not short of customers, they've got high rents and high wage bills to pay, so of course, they're going to be crap.

Mind you, not as crap as the burger vans that roam the West End at club shutting time. Moible WMD labs, the lot of them.

Chris Wilkinson · June 5, 2003, 06:14

Quote:

True. village pub food is the best. It has to be to get the customers through the door. And you're kind of spoiled Chris, with the Sal and the Trip to Jerusalem.

Nottingham does have pleanty of good pubs which is cool, plus when I go back home to my small town the quality and friendlyness gets even better

Quote:

Boris was talking about London pub food, which has to be the worst pub food in the UK. They're not short of customers, they've got high rents and high wage bills to pay, so of course, they're going to be crap.

True, I hate it when people visit London then say English food is crap

Quote:

Mind you, not as crap as the burger vans that roam the West End at club shutting time. Moible WMD labs, the lot of them.

I won't even touch them with a barge-pole

MRT144 · June 5, 2003, 07:01

chris, english food is crap relative to the other food out there.

TheStinger · June 5, 2003, 07:02

What do you describe as english food.

Solly · June 5, 2003, 07:04

London is not England. Neither is Stratford upon Avon.

Ecthy · June 5, 2003, 07:06

you should have gone to Berlin instead, pretender to the Muscowy throne

FrustratedPoet · June 5, 2003, 07:07

There really isn't any such thing as "English food" as far as I can tell. I don't think we invented having meat/vegetables/potatoes on the same plate.

The standard of cooking in many places is poor, but there's always somewhere good nearby if you know where to go. The trouble is that it's hard for tourists to tell which places are good and which are bad.

Az · June 5, 2003, 07:15

Welcome back.

alva · June 5, 2003, 07:20

Quote:

Liverpools is a half assed attempt. The problem with all the attempts outside London is that they are not big enough, They are token efforts. Madrid and Barcelona have got a very good transport system why can't Manchester and Birmingham

True, in order for any metro system to be decent you need about 5 million inhabitants.
We've got some attempts at it too, but it doesn't work and now it's basically a tram going underground.
In smaller city a bus/tram combo is the better option, but will never be profitable (nor should it).
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English food IS bad...