Tricks to look busy at work

[Ming]

Getting a round of golf in on a beautiful afternoon is not wasting it

[BustaMike]

what kind of bastard charges his sister $50 bucks for a little computer help?

Yeah, I agree. That's messed up. I can see doing it to some neighbor or something you don't really like, but your own sister

As far as work goes, I am a master of clicking to another window so it looks like I'm working whenever someone is around. Typing loud is good too. I'm using that one right now . The key to all of this though is the fact that if something actually NEEDS to be done, I can crank it out really fast. Otherwise, I might have to actually work most of the day instead of screwing around on 'poly and other sites.

[Japher]

There needs to be a keyboard short cut to minimize the window you are in...

[ixnay]

Win + D = minimize all
Win + M = minimize everything in taskbar

[Japher]

Nice!!!!!!

[Al B. Sure!]

What kind of a bastard are you? damn greedy jews.

damn this made my day right here...

[Evil Knevil]

Funny, my boss came over when I was browsing this thread earlier

I can do a lot of 'research' on the internet, so they never bother with what I'm looking at

Also, as long as I get assigments done, I can leave earlier. Although if I'm behind, or there are problems, it means I have to stay late, which isn't so good.

The deadlines working in media are ridiculous. So there aren't really any coping strategies, except to blame other people

[Ben Kenobi]

Yeah, I agree. That's messed up. I can see doing it to some neighbor or something you don't really like, but your own sister.

"Who is your neighbour?"

At least he's consistent.

[gunkulator]

Rescuing from page 3. I have more to say about avoiding work.

Ok folks, it's now annual review time. Supposedly this is your day of reckoning, when all your goofing off will come back to haunt you. Nonsense!

This first thing you need is a group of coworkers with the same work ethic as yours (i.e. lazy bastard). Most mid to large size companies do "360 degress" reviews. You are reviewed by peers, subordinates, yourself and, of course, your boss. Amongst you peers you have a Mutual Admiration Society. You write glowing reviews for them and they do the same for you. This is actually one of my favorite times of the year because the truth stretching gets so outrageous that I usually end up laughing as I write them. Best of all, you can cut and paste about 90% of it from the previous year's reviews since bosses never remember anything.

Your subordinates are easy. All during the year, you heap praise on them for the smallest thing they do. You especially want to do this in front of other people almost to the point of embarrassment. Even the dullest subordinate will realize that you are the kind of boss everyone wants, a boss easily pleased. Odds are, they will reciprocate in kind at review time.

Your self review is where you bring out the biggest whoppers. This is not a time for modesty. Make it clear that utter death and destruction were only narrowly circumvented by your heroics and ingenuity.

Your boss is likely some mid-year replacement drone who is too busy scoping out his next job to pay much attention to you. He will depend heavily on what the your peers and subordinates said, paraphrase and add the obligatory one or two "areas for growth and improvement." Once yet get a series of good reviews, your future bosses will learn of your good reputation. Most bosses don't want to rock the boat so they'll just perpetuate the fiction that you are a model employee.

[axi]

All this and some people are still claiming that capitalism is more efficient than communism?

It is true that small bosses are more tyrannical that big ones. They depend more on your actual performance and they need to exploit you more intensively in order to survive competition.

[alva]

It is true that small bosses are more tyrannical that big ones.

Although not completely untrue, on the other hand, in return you get the feeling that your presence at least matters

[Jaguar]

Originally posted by Azazel



What kind of a bastard are you?

damn greedy jews.

Well to be fair, I bought both copies of civilization III originally, so she owed me a 50 anyway.

Additionally I told her about it about a week after, and she let me keep the 50.

edit: my post was completely incoherent before. JW is posting while sleepy.

[gunkulator]

and another one...

ISO-9000. Wow. Talk about an international time-wasting racket. This was thing was tailor made for us work-avoiding scuzzes. For those who don't know, ISO-9000 is an international standard that tries to assign a process to every business function. The joke is that ISO-9000 doesn't actually mandate any specific processes and makes no judgements on whether your processes are good or bad. It leaves that up to your company. All it requires is that you a) have your company processes documented and b) have a documentation trail that proves that you are following them.

Companies around the world have spent billions of dollars to become "ISO-9000 compliant." That's where you come in. Volunteer to work on your company's processes. The only thing you'll ever have to produce is a large process document that noone will ever read and everyone will lie about when they say they are following it. Companies must also internally audit their own processes. Once you write the document you become an auditor and all you have to do is listen to bosses lie about their compliance and then write up useless reports.

Best of all, ISO-9000 certification expires so companies are forced to keep staff who do nothing but maintain this worthless document and continue the audit process. Talk about a free lunch ticket!

Naturally, the Professional Association of Leeches, i.e. consultants, have jumped on this gravy train with a vengeance. ISO-9000 compliance must also be externally auditted. If you can't get away with wasting time at your job, quit and become an auditor/consultant.

Think of this for a minute: As a profession leech, your job is to read through all the documentation a company produces and help them achieve ceritification. Now, the first time you get a company's documentation you must find several problem areas that can all be conveniently solved with your help ($). Done right, you can stretch ths "helping" portion into several months - all the while you are collecting outrageously fat fees. Eventually you prove the value of your help by stamping the company ISO-9000 certified. Yes, it's basically a shakedown but the beauty is it's all perfectly legal and you need do no real work of any kind.

[DAVOUT]

Originally posted by axi
All this and some people are still claiming that capitalism is more efficient than communism?

The behaviours described in this thread do not depend on the economic system; I am convinced that all these people would survive and get promoted whatever is the system. They enjoy the most useful quality for an individual, they adapt quickly to their environment.