Monkspider's Fun Corner: Impersonate your favorite Poly members!

[Az]

You know, UR, you'd think that after the latest glitches in the Linux BSD kernel, you would be quiet and stop criticizing WinXP's security flaws. Also, WinXP is the most adapted to the new generation of Ultra-fast Intel Processors, which are obviously way better than AMD when run on all grafics tests, esp. that new nVidia card, that... blah blah blah blah.


-Asher.

[Stefu]

This thread impersonation is soulless establishment crap that completely lacks a groove and a good beat. Everyone who like it is a boring idiot who also must love progressive music.

- - Buck Birdseed

That's just wrong.

Because it's wrong.

Y'all don't know anything about anything do y'all boy?

- - Slowwhand

Codswallop bollocks knackered bangers rogering jobsworth. You are all arselickers and whoremongers.

- - Laz & The Gimp

Can someone explain me something I just can't understand? I live in a Philadelphia ghetto.

- Albert Speer

[Urban Ranger]

Monkspider:

Comrade UR, I love you man , even though you are seriously mistaken in spiritual issues.


GP:

Finance weenie!


Rah:

My current job is excellent, I spend half my time managing and half tinkering with technology.

Rah
You think I am kidding?


monolith94:

PC users can wipe my ass!

[Nubclear]

THREAD: OMG OMG

YAVOON

lololol OMG OMG u s|_|><0RZ HAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!LOL!!!!!!!111111111 1

ZYLKA

lololol OMG OMG u s|_|><0RZ HAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!LOL!!!!!!!111111111 1

Like d00d, chill and take some ZYPREXA

FEZ

You provide no evidence......YOU PROVIDE NOTHING!!! Yet you want to destroy capitalism.....you criminal

PANAG

You provide no evidence......YOU PROVIDE NOTHING!!! Yet you want to destroy capitalism.....you criminal

hi ,

what are you talking about......

have a nice impersonation day

TASSADAR

what are you talking about......

You know exactly what hes talking about Why are Americans so stupid?

Oopsies, Panag. Tripped you at your own game

SHI

Tassadar, your simply a child. I mean, come now. Acting nationalistic?

Plus, you don't live in Pittsburg. Need I say more?

THE ISRAELI WITH THE NAME BEGINNING WITH AZ

Tass, your an anti-semite commie bastard. Nothing you say is credible here

MING

HEY.....

Drop the personal attacks right now....Or else you'll all get a free vacation to Mingapulco

Ming

AGATHON

AZ, You just say that cause you use Winblowz.

http://www.onekilotoncomputermagazin...uslypromac.com <----See? This proves that the computational rate of the Mac when it comes to processing 64-Bit interdemonsional polar kernel shell DLLs in Photoshop 6.2090 is .294086 seconds than it takes for Windows to do the same thing.

HA!

ASHER

shell DLLs in Photoshop 6.2090

In PHOTOSHOP 6.2090? Sorry, but that program is designed SPECIFICALLY for Macs....Try something a LITTLE more balanced like MSPAINT.

http://www.microsoftspuppetnewsorgan...stevejobbsucks

See? This shows Stever Weener (haha, aren't I so clever?) trying to display Mac OSY 2906.2098406982 at the International Computer Technological Advancement Association of the Region of Kanada but if you look closely, you'll see that hes not using a 286TB Kernel Kore Komponent but a cheap java-like ripoff 296.19632 ROM Shell swapfile!!! How can one rip off the masses like this?

SPEER

286TB Kernel Kore Komponent

Whoa dude, are you racist or something? Why is it that every white is racist?! I think we should lock em all up....Hey...I should start a thread on that.

RAH

Cya in a week, Asher

PEKKA

Hahahha!! With Asher gone, our plans to finally take Karelia back will come to fruitation!!!

WORLD, LOOK OUT FOR FINLAND, 4TH BEST COUNTRY AT MATH!!!!!

SERB

Sorry Pekka, I don't think so The Russian F2906 Fighter-Bomber Jet can fly up to a distance of 2906 miles while carrying Type 2906 bombs attached to Type 1603 missiles attached to the plane and still remain undetected. Nothing Finland or even America has can ever beat the glory of Russia

And then you have to consider that Russia also has 29656 Caliber Kilovanov Machine Guns which would annihalate you if you ever even tried invading, and our Nadashadayerasa Tank can load 290 mini-level 1063 CLASS A nuclear warheads and fire them at a rate of 123 per second, which could level an entire army in a minute.

HELSINKI WILL BE OURS!!!

JohnT

Sorry to interupt, but do any of you by chance of baby pictures?

JohnT

Sorry to interupt, but do any of you by chance of baby pictures?

Well, I said I wouldn't upload any more pictures, but...

*Cute Chubby Baby Picture*

SARAS

Our genetically superior Estonian-Lithuanian babies are much cuter than yours

*Equally Cute Chubby Baby Picture*

STEFU

*Baby with 10 legs*

SLOWWY

Haha! That looks like Tass' cat!!!

UberKrux

Sorry, but JohnTs picture is better. Whites are a genetically superior ra....EDITED BY MING: Cya in a week

MichaeltheGreat

Speaking of which...Did I ever tell you guys why the South will rule all someday?

Well....One day I was out on the farm, and I saw this guy mowing my lawn for me. I yelled out to him "Hey fella!" and he yelled back "How ya'll doin?". It was then I realized..The South will someday dominate all. You silly Yanks dont follow? I'll put it in an easy to understand way: Our speech is more efficent. You guys have to put up the grammer and spellling, but we don't. We can make mistakes, we don't have to be ULTRAPORFECT. So, we'll dominate you. Want me to provide some evidence?

http://www.somedomainijustbairlyregi...uthernsuperior

Urban Ranger

I'm offended by that comment. MING!!!!

PAIKTIS

Evil Turk!!!!

MARKG

...

[Urban Ranger]

Tassadar5000:

Down with evil ad banners! They are corrupting the morals of my 6 year old son!

[Kramerman]

@ Tass. I like how you impersonated yourself very well how long did that impersonation thread take you?

[Spiffor]

Tass. Excellent impersonation thread !

[Provost Harrison]

Boddington's:

I do a degree in economics you know. All women should be put in hareems, all wogs deported back to fuzzy wuzzy land and the poor turned into glue and Soylent Green. Long live the BNP!

*End Is Forever*:

The conservatives are right, they should bring back the death penalty for criticising Margaret Thatcher...but even so I am really liberal, look, I think people should have gay, interracial relationships by law! Long live the tories, even though I don't agree with them really! It's a job isn't it?

*cry*

F**k, I'm so emo!

---

[Az]

@provost

"****, I am so emo"....

[Az]

THE ISRAELI WITH THE NAME BEGINNING WITH AZ

Tass, your an anti-semite commie bastard. Nothing you say is credible here

( Never called you an anti-semite, though. )

[Seeker]

"....using Wolf AP ammo in a AR-15 will cause unnecessary chamber friction and barrel droop. As a former ELINT007XXX I know this from experience. Of course as a certified AP level T1000 Commando, I always barrel sight with perfect accuracy...."
MtG

"....ELINT007XXX? What is that, some kind of ARMY designation? You know what they say about the ARMY..."
MidShipMan

"...UR, look at these obviously biased and ludicrous benchmark tests.(massive graph graphic) Then look at this graph projecting the increase in Intel processing power vs AMD (massive graph graphic). I'd make a joke about how sad it is to see AMD fall so low, but you know that I only read technical manuals".

"Russia has completely ended the Chechen conflict. Our incredible high tech air force, which is totally modern and up to date, kicked all those rebel butts. Come to Russia and try our 'pizdyvatya??'!!

"Y'all can say whatever you like, but I won't believe until a Texan says it"

"I'm really thinking of trying out for an elite international sauna commando force. Do you want hear my new techniques for shitting in the woods?

"That's just what a democrat would say. They were plainly benefiting from the results of the last Republican presidency. Look at this link www.catoinstitute.org"

"USA! USA! USA! Did you guys seem Big Bad Bushie flying that mean F-16?? He's gonna kick Iraqi AZZ!!"

"I am Hypercalafragulistic Calvinist with a Post Ante Deletia- Millenial Schatology. I am currently working with high placed Republics to bring America back to god, starting with those disobedient children you heretics love so much. If God wants you to suffer, that Good, because Good is always good"

"Back when I was a kid, we respected our elders and carried Jesus in our hearts. There was no such thing as teen pregnancy and no woman was ever beaten who didn't deserve it. After all the Man is the Head of the Woman as Jesus is the Head of the Church...you'll understand when you...grow up....get a job....get a real job....have kids....have teenagers...."

"And now some pictures of me. C'mon now....who is the cutest gay teenager?? ACKNOWLEDGE ME!! (pic pic pic) Look at those eyes....do you think I'm fat?"

"yeah, germany and france are going through some minor structural readjustments, but when you analyze real GDP vs gross US household debt, you'll see that America is in fact completely broke and will be sold off at auction sometime in the next year after the (housing, credit, debt, corp bond, energy, equity) bubble bursts"

"HELP! Support your local marijuana grow operation! You'll never believe what happened the last time I went out for promix..."

"You think I am a fascist well you are wrong and also stupid. Why? Because of all the illogical crap you post. If Franco was alive today he would be a Republican....and you stupid Communists would think that's a bad thing!!!

PS I'm gay....look at these pics of me in leather military style uniforms. Does this riding crop match my eyes? My grandfather was personally spanked with it by Benito Mussolini"

[Az]

/me chockes on Seeker's last comment.






people are banned here for dissing the close relatives of other posters.

[MrFun]

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

--- MTG

[Shi Huangdi]

Plus, you don't live in Pittsburg. Need I say more?

What a terrible impersonation of me. I would never spell Pittsburgh incorrectly.

[Agathon]

Originally posted by GePap
Bah! Your feebleminded relativistic impersonations are clearly incorrect, as someone with so much experience travelling can tell you, and in NZ, we impersonate much better

--Agathon

Pretty good, but I don't believe I've ever said, "Bah!"

Anyway,


ACK!

[Tiamat]

Blackwidow24 ~ You silly little men, you know you worship me! Lick my toes

devilmunchkin ~ So I dumped this one guy I met online for another online guy but I don't know if it's love. How do you know if it's love? I think I still love my ex and my parents treated me like crap again. ACK!

David Floyd ~ You people on welfare owe me money. And if I want to go around shooting people then that's my god given right

[Provost Harrison]

I don't know whether to feel flattered that no one would be cruel enough to do an impression of me, or offended that I must be such a bland poster

[Provost Harrison]

Ecthelion:

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Just for you, here's Provost "Muso Critic" Harrison's typical song review.

"This doesn't make me feel anything, really."

Repeat to fade.

[Tiamat]

Originally posted by Provost Harrison
I don't know whether to feel flattered that no one would be cruel enough to do an impression of me, or offended that I must be such a bland poster

Ditto.......but just so you don't feel left out

Provost ~ Bleeding Christ can't I get a job anywhere? I need resume help!

[Provost Harrison]

[monolith94]

hi-larious! Although I'm emberassed that the impersonation of me is the least funny... Sadly, I do not know how to begin to impersonate Urban Ranger in return, as to impersonate a person, they must have a personality.

[Stefu]

Boddington's impersonation can't be done in one post, as it requires two posts. In post one he throws out an offensive trollish opinion about asylum seekers, and in post two he talks about drinking beer in Aberstwhatever.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

For LWP5, stay off the happy pills for a couple of days and neck loads of weapons-grade espresso. I guarantee that your reviews will be works of bilious beauty that you'll treasure for years to come.

[Provost Harrison]

See my problem is there is very little music (well, of the tastes of you lot which tend to be pretty refined) which I hate...there is indifference but not dislike...however if you got a few Craig David fans in I guarantee you I could spew vitriol

[SlowwHand]

Damnit!

How many times do I have to tell you people!
It's spelled "y'all". A contraction of you all.
Oh, well. You got it right 2 of 3 times. No bad.

[SlowwHand]

MtG:

Michael, what time is it ?
Well, Sloww, it's like this.

Out of the many cool new features in Lightwave 6, Expressions is one that I was quite interested in. Sure, its got a severe lack of documentation, is a bit buggy, tends to crash a lot if you make mistakes and 3.29 of the Motion manual suggests it as the domain of Maths Gurus, but even a moron such as myself can use it using some simple analysis of the situation, an incling of common sense and some basic mathematics...

To prove the point, I used expressions to create a real-time analogue clock animation to test this new tool. Because of the lack of explanation for all the functions in the manual, it took me a lot more work then I had expected initially, but by the time I had managed to crash Layout 10 or so times, I realised I was going way too far with my calculations and the solution was so simple, even a 5 year old could have solved it!
Here you go. A clock comprised of 4 simple models to demonstrate how to use expressions.

There are 3 objects we will be concentrating on here - An hours, minutes and seconds hand that I will be animating. The 'hour markings' object around the edge was simply added in to check the the expressions were working

I'll leave the modelling up to you - Its fairly straight forward - Each hand is simply a long rectangular box with the pivot point at one end... The important part of this tutorial will be how we animate the objects using the Expressions tool!
The Process...
I'll have assumed that you've created your clock model by now and loaded each object into Layout. I'll start by explaining some basics like where to find the expressions modifier, and then quickly run over the calculations for each part. I'll leave the modelling and scene setup to you as part of the learning experience!

To set up an Expression, select the Graph Editor

As you can see in the image on the left here, once you have the graph editor selected, click on the channel you want to modify (for the clock, I used the Heading rotation (Rotation.H) for all hands) for the selected object and then select Modifiers / Add modifier / LW_Expressions to add in the expressions tool.

To set the expression, double-click on the modifier name to get the settings box. The Expression must appear in the top box, but you can assign 4 variables in lines A,B,C and D for more complex stuff!

Now you know the basics, I'll quickly run through the expressions I used to animate the three hands of the clock model...

Seconds are ticking...
We'll start our clock with the smallest measure of time - and that's the second. So, where do we start - well, we know a few things -
A clocks hands rotate a full circle - That's, um, yeh, 360 degrees!
There are 60 seconds per minute - And a minute is a complete rotation of 360 degrees.
So, every second, we need to rotate our second hand 1/60th of 360 degrees (which in mathematical terms is 360/60). So we select our seconds hand object, select the Rotation.H channel then add in our Expressions modifier.

Just to make things easier to understand then long mathematical equations, I've used the A,B,C & D scratch variables to break the maths up. (even though they are incredibly simple!)

First, I've placed the 360/60 calculation for the angle inside the A variable. If you wanted to be clever, you could just avoid this altogether and enter the answer 6 in the expression!

To calculate the correct rotational angle, we simply calculate the A variable (6 degrees, or 360/60) multiplied by the Time value.


The value must be multiplied by the Time - The Time acts as the value that will animate our clock hand by giving the corrrect angle at each frame. ie. Assuming that we were rendering for 30 fps, then if we were at frame 30 (Time = 1s) then 6*1 = 6 degrees, or the first 'second' on the clock face. If we were at frame 45 (Time = 1.5s) then the angle would be 6*1.5 = 9 degrees and so on.

I also set Additive to be active. Why? When Additive is off, the value in the expression will be passed as the absolute value for the rotation. Hence, at frame 0 (Time = 0s), the seconds hand would always start at the 12o'clock position (or a rotation of 0 degrees!)

Using additive, the expression value is added to the rotational value of the object. That is, we can set up the starting position of the clock hand at frame 0 ie. Setting the correct time on the clock

Well, we've got the seconds hand animated (Yep, that's it!). You can play the animation to check it out...


Minutes away...
The Minutes hand is our next object we want to animate using our newly-found expressions. For this we know a few more facts...
There are 60 seconds per minute.
There are 60 minutes per hour.
We know that our second hand rotates 1/60th of 360 degrees every second. Therefore every 60 seconds, we need to rotate the minute hand 1/60th of 360 degrees. That's quite simple....

We know that a second hand rotates 360/60 degrees every second. To move 1/60th of the clock face every 60 seconds, we need to rotate slower, or in this case adjust the angle of the Minutes hand by a smaller angle.

Easy - Since it takes 60 seconds, that means every second we only move 1/60th of the angle of the seconds hand.

Again we need to multiply it by the time to animate it, and don't forget to set additive on so that we can set our clock by keyframing the hands at the correct 'time' in our animation!


You can play the animation to check it out... Though you're gonna need a LOT of frames to see the minutes hand move (at 30 fps, that's 1800 frames per minute!)


The Hour is nigh...
W'eve conquered the seconds and minutes by using some pretty simple mathematics so far. The hour hand is no different (well, not too much anyway!). So, what do we know from looking at our real-life example?
There are 60 minutes per hour.
There are 12 hours in the 360 degrees
We know that our second hand rotates 1/60th of 360 degrees every second, our minute hand had to rotate at 1/60th of the speed of the second hand because there are 60 of them, therefore our hour hand must rotate... Can you guess?

Yep, that's right - Because we know every 60 minutes we need to move 1/12 of the 360 degrees, we can simply calculate that value by dividing the minutes angle by 12! Simple!

Again, multiply the value by the time for animation and activate the Additive option.

That's it!
Now save the scene and you're done - Your very own rendered clock that keeps theoretically perfect time! Of course, if you wanna check out the clock, I suggest setting your render options for a rate of 1fps rather then 30fps, otherwise you're looking at 108000 frames per hour!

Now that you've seen how easy Expressions can be, have a go yourself. I'd suggest if your not a keen mathematician to avoid complex ideas and try for basics like this clock project - Try to invisage situations where the relationships between values, or objects are easy to understand and you'll be on your way! There's a whole tonne of things you can do with expressions - The only limit is your imagination (oh, and mathematics plays a big part too!)

Well, hope that was of use to some of you out there!









Comprende?

[Imran Siddiqui]

I guess I'm unimpersonatable... or something .

--

"It is backed by new research that blacks cannot impersonate as well as whites, but why are there more black stand up comedians that do stand up impersonations? Is it some form of affirmative action for the less talented"
-Caligasta

[SlowwHand]

Originally posted by MrFun
Someone hi-jacked into my account making up these stories that I am gay!!

And this must be Fez?

[Skanky Burns]

Big Crunch: Dr Spike's post above was pure spam.
Dr Spike: Ahh, meta-spam.

Dissident: I saw a woman doing an impersonation. I would do her if I could.