S.P.I.N. #2 The crazy fun continues.

[UnOrthOdOx]

Satiring Political and International News

(yes, I came up with a better word for the 'p'. Behold my legondary lack of naming skills!)

Rules

• Please do not comment in this thread, comment on any stories here: http://apolyton.net/forums/showthrea...threadid=89413
• All postings here should be of a lighthearted nature, but also at least attempt to relay SOME information.
• There will be no debating in this thread, if you or your team takes exception to a story, feel free to post your own views, but do not debate/debunk the original post.
• This thread will remain open for submissions until Friday, July 18th, at that time a new thread will be created, and one will be created each Friday thereafter. On those Fridays, either myself, or someone I ask, will PM Dan and Mark excerpts for inclusion on the main news page with a link to the relevant thread.
• Violators of any of these rules will be required to insert into their sig the following phrase until a new S.P.I.N. thread is created: "I am a stupid idiot who can not even understand the simplest rules of good fun and polite conversation."
• Actual phrase and insertion of such are entirely voluntary. S.P.I.N. is not responsible for anyone who is stupid enough to take the above 'enforcement' seriously

[Aeson]

A plague o' both your houses.
A romantic dtragety.

Hurricane, GS (OrangeNews) - Both families trace their roots back to the 1500's. Both are at the centre of the social circle in their cities. Both are in mourning.

The Mcqs display the history of 396 generations in the great hallway of their mannor just outside Hurricane. Antique weapons and armor can be found in every room, reminding visitors of the Mcqs Warmonger roots. Mention any of the artifacts and be prepared to hear the whole story though, all the way back to MCQ himself.

MCQ's true name has been lost (or kept secret by the family), leaving only his initials for his decendants to base their name off of. He was a Warmonger officer in the war with Lux Invicta. Among the numerous tales of brilliant campaigns and decisive victories, it eventually becomes clear that MCQ was captured by Lux forces, and taken to Stormland with the refugees of Lux. There he found a new life, falling in love and marrying a young lady native to Hurricane who had come with a caravan to bring supplies to the Luxian refugees. So was founded the family Mcq.

The Konquets reside in Eye of the Storm (EotS), with their mannor just as magnificent and full of history. Their family name is derived from the Voxian they trace their lineage to, Konquest the second, or as near as the translation from Voxian to Stormish will allow. Konquest was a prominent officer in the recapture of Dissidentville from the Luxians, and some say (mostly Konquets), that he was the one who freed MCQ from the Luxian captors. The Mcqs vehemently disagree with this, prefering the story of how MCQ, through his own cunning, escaped before Dissidentville was retaken, saving his love from the advancing Voxian armies in the process. Both families have commissioned a play which will tell their version of the story.

The disagreements on this point have lead to a feud between the two families, and a general rift in the social cliques of EotS and Hurricane. The sayings "The sky is blue" (EotS) and "The sea is blue" (Hurricane) are quoted as a confirmation of which side of the issue a person stands. The sayings are both derived from the national color of Stormia, and imply that EotS or Hurricane are the most Stormish of all cities.

A certain intrigue during the war involved two of the children of these families. While Immortals were to be seen encamped on the hills outside Hurricane, the Mcqs sent their children to live with a relative in EotS for safety. Officially the Mcqs deny this, claiming that instead the son of the Konquets was serving in the garrison of Hurricane. The two children of note were Juliet Mcq and Romeo Konquet. A romance of sorts blossomed between them, with the war providing the distraction so their families didn't find out.

The peace with Vox blew their cover though, and both families were up at arms about the affair. In one particularly heated exchange between members of the family, a sword was drawn, and an innocent bystander, Mr. Crousto, was slain is the scuffle that followed. Mr. Crousto was a member of a traveling band of performers from Spain, and was being courted by both families to play a part in plays they were sponsering. The haunting words "A plague o' both your houses." was all that escaped poor Mr. Crousto's lips. The investigation as to the murder is still underway.

From there the tragety only compounded. The young lovers, seeing as their families would never allow their union, lept off the Legoland bridge together. Both families are using the incident to undermine the influence the Aesonic lodges have had in city policy. For their part, the Aesonic lodges have remained quiet about the whole affair, though one member mentioned "The real tragety here is that Romeo and Juliet didn't think ahead and tie some nice large masonry stones to their ankles." on conditions of anonymity. "It could have meant a few more rocks for the foundation of our bridge." he mused.

Some point to the dying words of Mr. Crousto as the cause of recent food shortages in Hurricane due to drought, and diseased crops in EotS, which have sent many farmers looking for more fertile lands to the North. Stormian officials dismiss the superstitious claims.

[Master Zen]

[size=4=]The Glory of Spelling[/size]
A dlegal adventure


Imperial City, GoW - In an unprecedented legal maneouver, two top lawyers of The Glory of War filed a major copyright infringement suit against the editor of OrangeNews, citizen Aeson, of the Gathering Storm. In an official press conference given outside the Djudicial Palace in Imperial City, a warmonger lawyer team composed of Drobert Shapiro and Djohnny Cochraine filed suit in the 4th District Court of the City of Hurricane alledging, in their own words "copyright infringement on the use of the letter D, purposely misplaced in front of a word".

This particular gramatical structure, called the D-Case dates back hundreds of years ago, to the days of the Great Emperor GhengisFarb's habit of misplacing the D in his daily vocabulary. In those days of absolute power, his minions would reply using the same structure to please their ruler. As the years went by, use of this gramatical phenomenon spread to the very essense of the language of Warmongerian to the point it is now an official and recognized spelling characteristic which is taught to warmongers young and old from their first days of school. Misplacing letters is said to be a trait of the GhengisFarbian lineage. It is Warmongerian mythology that the misspelling is a curse on the House of Farb, begun by placing the H in Ghengis after the wrong G.

To those unfamiliar with Warmongerian D-Case, it is permitted to place a D before any word beginning in a consonant, should the word begin with two consonants, then the T replaces the first word. Thus, what is commonly spelled as "Strategy" becomes "Dtrategy". It may only be used on nouns.

The case against OrangeNews alleges that the use of D-Case in "A romantic dtragety" infringes the cultural copyrights of the Warmongerian language and demands an immediate edit as well as a guarantee that further mistakes of this kind will not be repeated. As a legal precedent, the warmonger team has made references to the use of the word "Champagne" to denote the sparkling wine of a specific country. Thus, the lawsuit revolves around the notion that only direct translations of Warmongerian made by Warmonger authors may use the D-Case. In this case, the article was translated from Stormian by a Stormian author.

Word of this lawsuit has angered a large part of The Glory of War, more so during these tense days. When reached for comments, GoW citizen Chou Mein, age 28, said "we must defend our cultural heritage at all costs. It is true that while other nations built temples and cathedrals, we have built barracks and troops but that does not mean that our cultural achievements are any less. We must not permit those Stormians to steal our language". Another citizen, Won-Ton age 14 was more dismissive, "language? who cares! I want to be 16 so I can join the Rider Corps, who needs to read or write when you have a horse and a sabre!".


Originally printed in The Zenophobian Tribune 13/7/70 BC

[Arnelos]

umm.... wouldn't the use of aspects of your language in a foreign culture be influence of your cultural influence and thus be something you want to encourage rather than discourage?



Must be a warmonger thing...

[UnOrthOdOx]

S.P.I.N. Cracks Down on Violators
Arnelos first to be caught

Founder and President of S.P.I.N. UnOrthOdOx has filed a claim to international court demanding that action be taken against Arnelos.

"Not only did Arnelos knowingly and willingly violate the rules within the S.P.I.N. thread, he has now set a precident that such actions are accepted. We must act swiftly and completely to ensure that S.P.I.N. remains as it was intended: A thread free of spam, flames, and other nonsense. We hereby request that the international community support S.P.I.N. and the enforcement as laid out in the rules."

If upheld, Arnelos would be forced to place the following phrase into his signature until the S.P.I.N. thread in which the violation occured has closed:

"I am a stupid idiot who can not even understand the simplest rules of good fun and polite conversation."

Imperial Times 14/7/50 BC

[Arnelos]

Arnelos Laughs at Non-Binding S.P.I.N. Resolutions, Trips

Though today provided yet another example of why Arnelos needs to use those "stupid" reading glasses that were prescribed for him (or perhaps it's just a lack of paying attention to any post made by "UnOrthOdOx"? You decide!), he still has not made it a practice of using them. He seems to remain convinced that he "doesn't really need them".

However, upon hearing of President UnOrthOdOx's attempt to "enforce" non-binding S.P.I.N. resolutions, Arnelos laughed really hard and asked "and how many battalions does the S.P.I.N. have?". Unfortunately, due to the nature of his uncontrollable laughter and his need for glasses, he tripped over several inanimate objects as he was laughing.

Arnelos is currently recovering from his bout of laughter at home and has denied requests for comment on the incident.

[Shiber]

Shiber Pledges Support to Case Against Arnelos

In a press conference held this afternoon near a fire hydrant in Floodplains st., Arashi, Shiber has officially announced his support of President UnOrthOdOx's campaign against Arnelos, the first violator of the official rules of the S.P.I.N organization. "I have nothing personal against Arnelos" said Shiber, a small dog that has had the emblem symbolizing Gathering Storm tattooed to his forehead several thousands of years ago (rumor has it that ancient magic has prevented the tattoo from fading over these thousands of years, while others claim that they have seen Shiber visiting the local tattoo parlors once in every several decades), "it's just that rules are rules, and we have to make an example". After a moment's thought, he then added "Bark, bark!" and let go a rather nasty belch.

Apparently satisfied with his speech on the matter of UnOrthOdOx vs. Arnelos, he then proceeded to hand out autographed copies of his book 'Grog Want Tank: Reflections on the Words of Grog, by Shiber', which has been on the best-sellers list of the Imperial City Times for millenias, among such famous titles as 'Wars and How to Monger Them' and the classical 'GhengisFarb's 1001 useful toilet-humor jokes'. He then requested that somebody scratch behind his left ear, which was the que for everyone in the vicinity to suddenly remember that they have an appointment at the dentist or need to get the chariot back from the garage or change their underwear.

[History Guy]

Local Alchemist Constructs New Secret Weapon for Spain

by Buddy Sanchez

NEW MADRID, Wednesday - Incensed and enraged by the invasion of Spain by Chinese troops yesterday, Toledo's local alchemist, crack-pot exorcist, and drinking contest winner, Dr. Pinch, has vowed to make every Rider in Spain pay dearly for their transgressions.

"I call it: Mr. Facing-both-ways Death-o-matic Chinese-Rider's-Nose-Tweaker War-Engine, or MFBWDOMCRNTWE for short," said Dr. Pinch, when interviewed this morning after unveiling his new war-machine.

"It is kinda like a catapult with a big Mickey-Mouse gloved hand thingy attached to the end and iron plated sides moving on six wheels, and standing thirty feet high," said Generalissimo Sancho Panza, district commander of Toledo, yesterday at a press conference.

"He calls it: Mr. Facing-both-ways Death-o-matic Chinese-Rider's-Nose-Tweaker War-Engine," continued the Generalissimo. "I just call it stooooopid. With a capital stooooopid."

The initial reaction in Toledo was one of fear, dread, horror, and incredibly outrageous forms of mockery. In one frightening turn of events, Dr. Pinch's underpants were stolen and run up the flagpole, say horrified unlookers.

"It was horrific. It left deep emotional scars on all present," said Gummo La Tonga, 46.

"They can scoff now, ha ha ha," said Dr. Pinch this morning, "but they will see! They will see! Yes, yes... I will get them! All of them!! I will get them all - ahahahahahahaha..."

The military commanders listened with interest as Dr. Pinch laid out the principles of his new machine.

"The...hand-thingy...is...ummm...lowered down by the ballast thingies...which are handled by the operator, who sits in the cockpit-thingy. He pulls some strings here, like this, and the big hand thingy lunges for the enemy's nose. It is perfect against mounted riders. It comes up from under the nose, and yanks them off the horses..."

Horrified onlookers became even more horrified when, in demonstration, Dr. Pinch was tossed fifty feet in the air by his own machine into the next-door neighbor's chicken shed, which was demolished. Claims for the damages were immediately billed to the local military garrison commander. According to eyewitnesses, four of the chickens were killed or mortally wounded, five suffered minor injuries, and nine escaped serious wounding entirely.

After the tar-and-feather party that rounded out the evening had died down, Dr. Pinch said that he was "disappointed...but not discouraged."

He prepares his first display of his weapon at the Imperial Palace noon Thursday.

[civman2000]

Roberto de la Civ decries Warmongerian Treachery

TOLEDO--Roberto de la Civ, infamous murderer of GodKing the heretic, famous for his journey around the world and his horror tales of Legoland, now readmitted into the Spanish Army, has called the Warmongerian declaration of war on Spain "a treacherous Goddamned betrayal." "And I mean it when I say it's Goddamned," he added. "May the glory of God and Spain turn back these pagan Confucians and their infidel allies!" De la Civ is eager for battle, and also has said he has a special relationship with the Riders he expects to face: "I was trained with them. I've heard names and descriptions of some of them, and they were my buddies when I was trying to raise some money to get back home. Maybe I should've stayed in China, if I were still with the Riders now I could provide some nice intelligence to King Justino."

De la Civ is currently stationed in the outskirts of Toledo, together with his son. When SPIN reporters asked what unit he was in, they were kindly escorted all the way back to Barcelona by Spanish military police. We assume that means that information is classified.

[GhengisFarb™]

[size=4=]GOW QUARTERMASTERS DISCOVER HORSES CAN EAT HAY[/size]

In addition to their normal diet of barley, GoW has now discovered horses can subsist on hay.


What? You were expecting more?

[Nuclear Winter]

Gigantic Propaganda effort takes place in Spain!

As war breaks out in the Republic of Spain,thousands of people mobilize for the great war effort. As man enlist in the army, woman cook Paellas, wine is sold cheaply and ponies are bread on the jungle, the government of Spain unleashes this great propaganda effort in order to bring the population to full war production, with whom to obtain final victory. We have obtained some fine flyers of propaganda by grabing the thousands of them whoa re thrown around in the streets. Here they are:

[GhengisFarb™]

[size=4=]CRAZYGHENGIS BEWILDERED[/size]

Ghengis the DCXIX (619th), last surviving heir to the Ghengis Dynasty, while recently have long bouts of sanity in recent days has said he is "utterly bewildered" at recent spear campaigns in the Espanic regions. "I have no idea why they are setting me up as the image of the enemy, my family has long been deposed and executed by the Warmonger people. I have no say, influence, or right to speak in any GoW decision. Why must they persecute me so?" At this point CrazyGhengis went into a prolonged state of insanity and the interview was terminated. Partially because he ate the reporters stylus and paper....... and left shoe.

[civman2000]

Vox Controli converts to Christianity as Voxodus is completed

PAMPLONA--According to a leak from an anonymous official in the Vatican today, Vox Controli has embraced the Catholic faith after years of Spanish missionary work in the country. This occurred just two days before The Voice was fully surrendered to the Stormians and the Voxian government arrived in Legos Minor.

No high-level officials that we could find were willing to give us interviews, but one Voxian citizen and recent convert told us that in leaving The Voice behind, they also left behind their heathen beliefs in the Vox Controli and that Voxians everywhere have found true comfort in safety in Jesus Christ and Pope Calixtus I. Interestingly, the report leaked from the Vatican said that the Voxians accepted the Voice as being simply a minfestation of the Christian Trinity instead of being a pagan god. Our interviewee also said that there is some speculation that now that their faith has changed, the name of their nation will change from the name of their old object of worship.

Archbishop Nuclearis Winterius, the leader of the Catholic church in Vox Controli and head of missionary work in Vox Controli was unavailable for comment. However, we do hope that either he of Pope Calixtus I will make a public statement concerning this conversion.

[Darekill]

Neu Theben Kurier
Zwischenfall in Santiago
Neu Theben der 22.07.10BC

Heute morgen geschah etwas seltsames. General Zayxus hatte am Abend vor dem Beginn des Spanienfeldzugs an seine Truppenkommandeure klare Marschbefehle mit ihren Angriffsbefehlen verteilt. Unter anderem gabe er der 22. Infanterie und der 16. Defdiv die order Santiago nach möglichkeit zu stürmen, denn man beobachtete keine spanischen Truppen in der Stadt. Schon diese Tatsache löste größte Verwunderung bei den Neu Demogyptischen Soldaten aus denn man hatte ihnen doch immer wieder eingetrichtert das Santiago eine schwer einnehmbare Festung der Spanier sei und sie nur als Vorposten und Erkunder eigesetzt werden würden. Nun solltene sie es sein die den Angriff führten und von einer Festung war auch nicht mehr die Rede.
Der Truppenkommandand der 22. Infanterie Oberst Murkel gab also im morgengrauen den Befehl zum angriff. Die Truppen marschierten geordnet los und wappneten sich. Bereit den Spanieren eine heiße Schlacht zu liefern.
Es fand keine schlacht statt. Santiago war von spanischen Truppen völlig geräumt. Es stand leer. Noch merkwürdiger aber war die Tatsache, dass die bürger der Stadt äusserst erbos in ägyptischer Sprache auf unsere Truppen einschimpften. Der Bürgermeister der Stadt gab sich als Ägypter zu erkennen und meinte dieser einfall in eine ägyptische Stadt sei eine offene Kriegserklärung an die ägyptische Nation Gathering Storm und würde böse folgen für Neu Demogyptica nach sich ziehen.
Auf diplomatischer Ebene hat Konsul Darekill verlauten lassen, das er nicht begreift wie eine offensichtlich spanische Stadt über Nacht ihre Nationalität ändern konnte. Solche Dinge seien äusserst ungewöhnlich und verdächtig. Er versicherte unserem Reporter gegenüber das Neu Demogyptica zu keiner Zeit die absicht hatte Gathering Storm den Krieg zu erklären und das ganze sicher nur ein Mißverständniss sei welches sich hoffentlich schnell aus der Welt schaffen läßt. Er habe sich bereits an den Botschafter Shiber gewendet um näheres zu Erfahren.

#####################cut#################

Translation for our international Readers:

Neu Theben Courier
the Santiago incident
Neu Theben 07. 22.10BC

This morning something strange happened.
General Zayxus had distributed his clear attackorders and the marchingroutes for the upcomming spanish campaign the evening before to his commanders in field. Among others there was an order for the 22. Infantry and the 16. Defdiv to take Santiago if at all possible because there were no spanish troops in the city sighted. Alone this fact was the reason for a big amazement within the Neu Demogytian soldiers becaus they have been told over and over again that Santiago is a big and hard to take out spanish fortress and they would be only the scouts and an outpost. Now they were supposed to lead the assault and there were no signs of a fortress to be seen.

Their commander in field Colonel Murkel gave the order to charge at the dawning of the day . The troops marched in a closed combatrow and were prepared for resistance. They were eager to fight a fircy battle with the spansish
There was no battle at all. Santiago was found empty and abandoned from all spanish troops. Even more confusing was the fact that the cityzens of Santiago shoutet at them cursing in egytian tongue. the mayor of the town said he was an egytian like all of the people in this town and he stated that the incursion of in an egytian city was an open declaration of war against the egyptian nation of Gathering Storm and that this would lead to serious consequences for Neu Demogyptica.

On the diplomatic level Consul Darekill has anounced that he has no idea why an obvious spanish city has changed it’s nationality over night. such things were demmed to be very uncommon and suspicious. Er asured our reporter that Neu Demogyptica had never intended at any time to start a war with Gathering Storm and that this would all be a big dissacord which could hopefully be eliminated quite fast. He has already contacted Ambassador Shiber to have a closer look into that matter.

[OliverFA]

Originally posted by Darekill
On the diplomatic level Consul Darekill has anounced that he has no idea why an obvious spanish city has changed it’s nationality over night.

So you recognize that it IS "an obvious Spanish city". In that case maybe you could explain why you are willing to turn an obvious Spanish city in an arab one

[GhengisFarb™]

[size=4=]SPAIN CONTINUES TO VIOLATE INTERNATIONAL MEDIA REGULATIONS[/size]

Following the Violations of Arnelos, now OliverFA has blatantly ignored and abused the international media rules cocerning posting in the SPIN threads. SPIN journalist GhengisFarb was heard to comment, "Why is Spain the only people who can't abide by simple rules and regulations? Is not following through on MPPs, treaties, and the following of rules a national habit?"

[Shiber]

S.P.I.N Newspaper Prints Headlines Without Actual Articles

[FrustratedPoet]

Gathering Storm proven to be a puppet of Spain

Togas caught controlling the armies of chickens! Civilized world expresses shock and horror!

Recent specualtions about Spanish puppeteering of the Stormian chickens was heightened today after one of our photographers came across this shocking scene.

An anonymous source inside the Spanish government was quoted as saying "I did not have .... puppeteer relations with ... that chicken"

[asleepathewheel]

[size=4=]S.P.I.N. HAS INTERCEPTED A COMMUNIQUE FROM SPAIN TO GHENGIS FARB IN A DESPERATE LAST MINUTE ATTEMPT TO AVERT WAR [/size]

S.P.I.N. has learned that Spain, in an attempt to avert war, has sent secret communications via passengar monkey to Ghengis Farb of the Glory of War reminding him of their millenia long friendship. The full text of this olive branch is located here. Unfortunately for the citizens of Spain, the Glory of War has rebuffed all attempts at reconciliation. Stay tuned for more details.

[Master Zen]

MASTER ZEN, CONSUL OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS OF THE GLORY OF WAR LAUGHS HIS @SS OFF AFTER FINDING THE COMMUNIQUE FROM SPAIN DIRECTED AT FORMER EMPEROR GHENGISFARB

Zenophobia - Master Zen officially responded:

[GhengisFarb™]

GHENGISFARB DENIES ANY KNOWLEDGE OF SPANISH COMMUNIQUE

"I have no idea what their talking about. Everyone knows I have no authority or pull in the Glory of War anymore. I'm not allowed to run for office or hold any governor position over Cities. Why do they pester me so? If they are unhappy with how relations have gone between our two countries they should have supported my family in the Civil War. Now they will just have to live with the Roundheads."

An hour later GhengisFarb was taken into custody by GoW government troops. Sources believe he was taken to the GoW's Deep Dark Dungeon.

[mrmitchell]

Report: Spanish Children Suffering Shortages of Silken Bedspreads and Gold-Nosed Teddy Bears
'Mindless Atrocity' of War Prevents Shipments of Gold Building Blocks

SEVILLA, SPAIN--Wednesday--The recent war between the nations of Glory of War and Neu Demogyptica against Spain has brought many hardships to the people of Spain.

In Sevilla, hard-hit by the lack of resources that were deferred to the War Effort, the children are forced to give up their golden building blocks in favor of cheaper wooden ones just so they can continue to have their daily meals of fine Spanish Squid.

"The big boom-boom in the North means we have no pretty shiny blocks to play with," an eight-year old Sevilla resident, who does not even have modern-day necessities such as a padded chamberbidet or the customary twelve servants to act upon his every whim.

Spanish government officials could not be reached for comment.

The children are not the only ones suffering, however--adults in Spain do too. Spamish Mitchell, longtime participator in the Squid business, tells us that due to the stricter checkpoints and his employees being sent off to the front lines to fight for Spain, it costs him up to three times as much to operate the Spam Brand Squid shop.

"We're barely making an even profit...we've had to cut funding for our Squid breeding by 30%, and we expect that at worst we might have to drop the program altogether...."

In recent months Spam Brand has had to give up deals with more than thirty various merchants who do the distribution of its Squid, effectively ending most of their business. (El Squid Company does not sell Squid in most of frontier Spain, thus Spam is the only line of supply for life-giving Squid.)

We talked to Señor El Madeupo Forte Distory, a market owner on the outskirts of Sevilla, for his perspective on the issue. "Ever since Spamish couldn't supply Sevilla adequate Squid and had to give it a ration of 100 a day, the market has been nothing more than a riot in the morning as people hope to grab up a Squid. After the last Squid is sold, activity drops to nothing more than the occasional oddball purchaser of goats' brains.

The general mood of Sevilla is one of despair. Most people spend their day sulking inside of their homes. The children, not really understanding the horrors of war, spend their time playing outside when their parents let them, but we wait disheartedly for the first of the rage of Glory of War or Neu Demogyptican arrows to land in town.

However, not all Sevillans feel this way. An Alsomad Uhp, a natural-born Glory of War citizen who immigrated to Spain in his early years, has decided to return to the Glory of War lands to solicit donations for our lavishness-starved children. He tells true tales of children who are said to be living in the Great Midieval Spain but who can not even get their fried elephant tusks on a stick for snacks. In the last letter he sent to Spain, several weeks ago, he mentioned some kind of "great conspiracy" by some "Shadow Emperor CrazyGhengis" to "totally, mercilessly, and brutally destroy" Spain.

[GhengisFarb™]

HOUSE GHENGIS DONATES VAST SUMS TO AID SPANISH ORPHANS

House Ghengis, former Imperial Household of GoW, has donated vast sums of gold and wine to ease the suffering of the cruel victims of the war in Spain. "Its not their fault they were born into an ineffecient and incompetent nation. We must help them as fellow human beings. Okay, maybe "human beings" is streching it a bit, but their still almost sentient creatures...."

[Panag]

PANAG reveals there are no orphans


after a long and deep investigation , yes even the smallest stones where lifted up , panag has yet to find eveidence of those orphans , ........

when faced with a shortage of manpower the imperial Greek armed forces with long hairs where called to the scene to aide in the investigation

one can only speculate as to where the money and wine that was donated , or claimed to be donated went to , .........

a special undercover team is now dropped in Spain to look for further evidence of poor and suffering spanish children

it seems that agents from spain are now involved in a massive campaign to raise items like wine and gems , not to speak of the massive fund raising that goes on , is just a huge PR campaign from Spain


end of hot news flash

[Togas]

Moorish Hordes Suffer Agonizing Defeat
Spanish Crusaders Surprise and Destroy Entire Moorish Battalion!

Zaragoza, Spain -- Moorish Hordes of infantry and pikemen were attacked and destroyed this morning in a surprise attack by Vetran Spanish Crusaders. The Moors had just crossed the Silk River and were marching on Zaragoza when their formations were overrun by a sudden and ferocious assault by numerous divisions of the General Joseph Dejon's Crusader Army, pouring forth from behind the great walls of Zaragoza, the Holy City and center of the Catholic faith throughout the world.

Five vetran divisions of Moorish Invaders were slaughtered by Crusaders who hailed from such noble military Orders as the Sacred Name, the Blood of Christ, and the Holy Spirit.

The elder Joseph Dejon himself lead the Knights of St. John into Battle, during the first wave of the war and was successful in breaking the ranks of the Moorish Pikes, allowing the remaining Crusaders to surround and destroy the unprepared infantry battalion that lay behind them. The battle itself was over in less than one hour.

Said the elder Dejon shortly after the battle, "The Spanish forces at Zaragoza defended the honour and intergrity of the Holy City, and of Spain itself. The heretics put up little fight after the first few weapons clashed, which speaks volumes about their backbone and morale."

Of note, one division of Moorish infantry, a company of regular troops, all young Arab boys pressed into service, was allowed to leave unharmed from the battle. This was done, according to Dejon, "so that they might grow a bit older, train, and then present worthy opponents for our soldiers. We fight against men, not children."

[civman2000]

Spain celebrates 1 AD
by George Finkle

PAMPLONA--In Spain, the recently passed year 1 AD had a very special significance. AS you may know, AD stands for "Anno Domini," which is Old Spanish for "Year of the Lord". With the Great Bobian War raging, it is clear to most Spaniards that this date marks the beginning of the greatness of Spain and the glory of God. With the recent conversion of Vox Controli and rumors that the Gathering Storm is on the verge of conversion, the criticality of 1 AD seems even more evident. Pope Calixtus I announced that "This year, I so declare, shall henceforth be remembered as Anno Domini - The Year of Our Lord, for our lives and our souls are in God's hands. Henceforth, all years shall be counted from 1 A.D. onward. So I declare it for the Glory of God." Roly Fernandez added, "The year 1 is no doubt the year of the birth of New Spain. A better one, and a Spain that is destined to rule the world.... It is the year in which the True Evil (ND and GoW infidels) is finally revealed, and the year in which God will give our troops...His Holy Power to Defeat the Devil. That's the War of the End of the World! And Good must triunph over evil!" Archbishop Pablo Winterius put in the final words: "AS missionary Archbishop and A faithfull believer of the True Faith I say THIS is the year of the begining... In THIS Year... beigns an event that shall forever mark our hearts and souls and minds....
This year, and no other , shall be the year of the Greater Glory of our Lord... of Our Nation... Of all the Land.... Forth This Year, the Land Shall shine With the Light of The Glorious Spannish Swords... more than ever, killing infidels here and there, Forth This Year Begins An Event that is the embodying of the Glory And Power of Our Lord.... This Year is The Begining of The Holy Crusade!!!!"

However, not everyone is as optimistic. Spamish Mitchell, for example, said that "In our old pagan ways back in the 3000 BCs , I asked Señor Tacticus (a long-gone hero of Spain) what we were counting down to exactly. His scary prophetic response was that once we were down to 0 BC, the world would end." Also, Cardinal Daniel de la Civ warned about overly glorifying the war: "the nation of Spain and the Holy Church are not about war. We are not 'warmongers,' as the Chinese call themselves.... War is not something to celebrate. Why should we celebrate that thousands of Spaniards will be killed? Thousands of infidels will also die, but that is not something we should be pleased with; those are thousands of souls that will lose their chance to be saved. There is a chance that this war will accelerate the spread of Christianity throughout Bob, but it would likely damage our missionary efforts, because the infidels would feel that the true faith is being forced on them."

[Octavian X]

OCTAVIAN EXPRESSES APATHY

Speculation continues on why S.P.I.N. is reporting on this subject

The Eye of the Storm - Speculation is still fluttering about after a drunken oburst by longtime lurker Octavian the Tenth in a bar known as 'The Lucky Chicken.'

Details are still sketchy, but it has been reported by many that, after a few too many beers, Octavian reported told everyone on Earth to go to hell. What implications this has on the current Bobian War, or indeed anything, still remains to be seen.

Octavian is infamous for his 'doughnut religion,' and general lurking. He could not be reached for comment, as he still had a hangover this morning.

Thousands of people were polled in cities across the world, and none (save someone who appeared to be drunk himself) knew who he was.

When experts were questioned by S.P.I.N. on the subject, all replied with the question, "Why the hell are you reporting on this?" S.P.I.N. could not be reached for comment on that question.

[civman2000]

Town of San Agustin briefly rebels against GS control
by George Finkle

If you go from the old Palace of Madrid, one of the few buildings that survived the Great Fire, northwest along the Tajo river for 50 miles, you will reach the small town of San Agustin. With approximately 8000 inhabitants, previously its only claim to fame was that it is the hometown of the de la Civ clan. Now, it has the fame, or infamy, of being the home of the first major insurrection against the Gathering Storm in northeast Spain, which has been handed administratively to the Estonians.

The revolt began when a brigade of Stormian pikemen came to the town to announce that they would be in charge of San Agustin and the surrounding region, and that the Gathering Storm had taken control of the entire New Madrid region. This greatly upset many San Agustinians, especially the religious leaders, who adamantly refused to accept any orders from pagans. Soon, over 1000 men had taken up arms and ambushed the Stormian pikemen. The pikemen were butchered. Five days later, the central Stormian authority in New Madrid sent three more brigades of pikemen to restore order. However, seemingly miraculously, by the time they arrived, the rebellion had ended and the leaders of San Agustin welcomed the Stormians.

What had happened? Cardinal de la Civ, a celebrated hero in San Agustin, had rushed to his birthplace as soon as he heard of the uprising. As the pikemen received their orders to go to the town, the town received orders from the Cardinal to accept Stormian administration. "Would you rather be ruled temporarily by Egyptian pagans who are the verge of a mass conversion to Christianity, or by Chinese pagans forever?" he reportedly asked the San Agustinians. "Those are your options. If you wish for Spain to survive, you have only one."