The Glory of News, Volume IV

Panzer32 · July 15, 2003, 21:58

The Glory of News
Volume IV, Wilderness Edition

Glory of War puts the 'war' back in warmongering

In an unprecidented declaration yesterday, the Glory of War emperor Panzer32 said these things:

Quote:

Translated from D-case
It is with a heavy heart that I tell you that the nations of the Glory of War and Espania are in a state of war.

After the crowd was stunned that Panzer had actually spoken, they took the message in. Soon, the crowd had grown into a mob, and were clubbing each other over the head with various blunt objects such as axes and spears. Although it isn't clear whether this was an act of support for the government's decision or an attempted mass suicide before the Roleplay army came, it is clear that the nation of the Glory of War is in a buzz over this news.

Citizen speaks out
One citizen, a descendant of the one great Farbial dynasty, completely supports this move. He was even so kind as to grant the Glory of News a list of why he supports this action:

Quote:

GhengisFarb's Top Ten Reasons to Kick the Role out of Roleplay.

10) They don't shower and stink up the whole continent.

9) The whole "we claim this entire half of the continent and you have to share the smaller half with the other two northern civs" fiasco.

8) They publicly chastised us for intimidating Vox to back off Bob, when they did the EXACT same thing to us, ND, and Lux.

7) They are hogging 75% of the entire world's supply of luxuries.

6) We're Agents of Chaos and this Spanish Inquistion crap seems a tad to orderly.

5) There's a least one lawyer on their team, need we say more?

4) ND can offer us German Beer, Roleplay can offer us squid, no contest.

3) They promised military support to Lux and Vox and left both hanging high and dry.

2) They weasel, lie, manipulate, and plot against all civs and are pure evil incarnate. My bad, I see I already covered the lawyer bit.

AND FINALLY GHENGISFARB's NUMBER ONE REASON TO WIPE OUT ROLEPLAY....

1) Almost every member of the Sunshine Team is on the Roleplay team and I want to kick some Hippie-Nazi a$$.

Interview with the Emperor
After his stunning announcement yesterday, we sat down with Panzer32, Glorious Emperor of the Glory of War:

Glory of News: Great Panzer, I am baffled about your reasons for this announcement! Can you tell our readers what led to this declaration?

Panzer32: Well Bob, I can't go into a whole lot of detail on this, or the civil servants would have to kill me. But I can say that our two diplomatic styles do not match. This makes conflict inevitable sometime down the road.

GoN: I can't help noticing that this announcement was very sudden; what caused this?

P32: Everyone, besides you apparently, knows that it is bad military strategy to say you are going to declare war months before you are ready to attack. It makes for a "not good war" to use the technical term.

GoN: uh... what is that siren?

P32: Its an arrow roleplaying itself as a cruise missile! Head to the bunker; it might have dangerous squid ink in it!

GoN: You heard it here first, folks! The Roleplay team is sending their SqCUiD missiles at the target of oppertunity of Panzer32's secret press conference room!

P32: Get under the table you idiot!

GoN: hey! Those are birds not SqCUiDs!!

P32: Just precautionary.

Blockhead Security Agent: Panzer32, it is not safe for you to be here! You must flee the city and hide in the secret caves of Concord!

GoN: *whistles

BSA: Hey, are you recording!! Hey!!! Get out of here!!....

When I regained consciousness, I found myself in the forests of skulgaria... no idea why. If this news report comes a little late into main HQ in Imperial City, you'll know why... the postal service from Skulgaria to the Core in atrocious!!

-Glory of News reporter Bob, signing off.

PS - why am I chained to a skull??

Spanish Noble Caught in Sex Scandal; Pictures Tell All

Master Zen makes a claim upon the Throne of Spain

Grand Chancellor Master Zen, Consul of Foreign Affairs of the Glory of War has accompanied his nation's declaration of war with a claim upon the Throne of Spain.

In what has become a pastime of his during the last couple of years, Master Zen has been tracing his lineage as far back as possible. For those who don't remember, Master Zen came as an unknown, apparently a lost son of the mountains and seas when his clan arrived at the shores of Zenophobia many years before. However, it was quite easy to figure out that he did not look like the average Warmonger, and resembled more the latin blood of the Spaniard.

It was found out recently by the Warmongerian Heritage Society, a non-profit organization dedicated to the tracing of lineages back to our savage caveman and barbarian past, that in fact, Master Zen is a direct decendant of an ancient tribe of Spaniards who many years ago competed for the throne of Spain. It was, however, the House of Togas, which emerged as leaders of that nation, and their blood-line has been unchallanged as the rightful royal family of Spain.

Until now. Master Zen has vowed to restore the throne of Spain to it's rightful owner, the House of Zen, as well as claim for himself the hand of Marisa Sophia Togas, daughter of the King, and who he has already bonked a couple of times in the Royal Hotel of Pamplona during his days as Ambassador.

Long live the rightful King of Spain!

Hot_Enamel's Special Message to Roleplay

Quote:

Beta · July 15, 2003, 22:33

...sigh ... reminds me of the good old days....

Master Zen · July 15, 2003, 23:21

the best days are yet to come...

Arnelos · July 15, 2003, 23:28

The entire Chinese army is 20-30 tiles from home...

So who got stuck with the assumingly boring duty of watching Imperial City while the fireworks take place half a world away mired in the stinking jungles?

WhiteBandit · July 15, 2003, 23:48

Riiiggghhht!

Because it makes perfect sense to attack another nation that is separated by a third nation. And then once you capture our cities, what are you going to do? I wish you luck managing the corruption and having to deal with a split (and useless) empire if you conquer us.

We may have a lawyer on our team... but at least we're not idiots!

I hope ND has their rear very well covered.

[The trash talking has begun!]

-BandidoBlanco

Theseus · July 16, 2003, 00:00

ROTFLMAO!!

/me commends the "royal family attack"... aah-aah, you never thought of that one, Firaxis!!!!!

Togas · July 16, 2003, 00:00

Hugs and kisses!

After we kill those Riders and sink your little ships, can we just call it peace and have and end to this madness?

All the senseless slaughter aside, the thing I'm going to miss the most is the daily wine shipments.

For the love of pressed grapes! How could you do this to us?! Were our silks not good enough for you???

--Togas

mrmitchell · July 16, 2003, 00:05

I threaten to join whutever team defeats us if they do and continue my spa--er, roleplaying.

That should be enough to scare them into a speedy retreat...

However, as for the actual war...I'm shocked.

Panzer32 · July 16, 2003, 00:08

Quote:

Originally posted by WhiteBandit
Riiiggghhht!

Because it makes perfect sense to attack another nation that is separated by a third nation. And then once you capture our cities, what are you going to do? I wish you luck managing the corruption and having to deal with a split (and useless) empire if you conquer us.

We may have a lawyer on our team... but at least we're not idiots!

I hope ND has their rear very well covered.

[The trash talking has begun!]

-BandidoBlanco

Sorry Master Zen I declared war on the wrong civ

mrmitchell · July 16, 2003, 00:14

WhiteBandit · July 16, 2003, 00:16

The Real Reason for GoW's Invasion

I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out why on earth those dirty war mongers would want to invade a noble nation like ourselves?

Finally, it dawned on me. Has anyone seen what GoW's women look like???

GOOD GOD

*WhiteBandit hurls

Christ, I don't blame you guys! You're not neccesarily INVADING, so much as you are RUNNING AWAY! I sympathize with you my war mongering breathen.

Panzer32 · July 16, 2003, 00:23

Hey! No posting pictures of GhengisFarb in this forum

oops

Octavian X · July 16, 2003, 01:18

Master Zen · July 16, 2003, 01:37

Quote:

Originally posted by Panzer32
Hey! No posting pictures of GhengisFarb in this forum

oops

AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

that's the funniest thing I've heard all YEAR!

Master Zen · July 16, 2003, 01:39

Quote:

Originally posted by mrmitchell
I threaten to join whutever team defeats us if they do and continue my spa--er, roleplaying.

That should be enough to scare them into a speedy retreat...

However, as for the actual war...I'm shocked.

well, our forum is pretty boring, just basically backstabbing and evil plans... we could use some roleplayers so you're quite welcome.

Anybody else want to surrender???

asleepathewheel · July 16, 2003, 01:45

Quote:

Originally posted by Master Zen

Anybody else want to surrender???

Mommy's alright, daddy's alright, they're just seem a little weird.

Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away.

vondrack · July 16, 2003, 01:51

Highly amusing thread!

BigFree · July 16, 2003, 02:26

The actual war shall be more amusing to us Spaniards!

Darekill · July 16, 2003, 02:33

Wait and see until it's actually party time

BigFree · July 16, 2003, 02:35

Are you bringing tea and cakes?

Yeay!

Darekill · July 16, 2003, 02:52

Hey of course we will. It's been quite a time since we celebratet our last swordsman picnic

BigFree · July 16, 2003, 02:55

We'll bring the party favors, they may look dangerous, but our MI's are carrying popcorn balls on the end of sticks. I assure you they are harmless

When they swing them at you just try to catch it in your mouth for a tasty treat!

Darekill · July 16, 2003, 02:59

popcorn! Hmmm yummy!
Fit's to the long sugar sticks of our Ansar Warriors.
Our MI have some paradise apples attached to the end of their sticks. That will be fun!

Ah, come to think of it you have your bananas ready and loaded?

Are there chicken or war chicken in your land, we might try to avoid them

BigFree · July 16, 2003, 03:03

This is going to be such a great party, maybe we should invite some of the Wartmonger's over for some fun too?

They are way over on the East coast though, perhaps they don't like to party with the Neu Demogyptican's?

Maybe we'll have to have two seperate parties. Of course we will supply all the women, no offense to Warmonger women, but we Spaniards have sensitive skin and lots of facial hair wil just cause irritations not to mention confusion.

Hot_Enamel · July 16, 2003, 03:21

As per our top post, the GoW has no interest in what the Spanish nobles use for women.

Baaaa !

GhengisFarb™ · July 16, 2003, 08:32

Quote:

Originally posted by WhiteBandit
The Real Reason for GoW's Invasion

I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out why on earth those dirty war mongers would want to invade a noble nation like ourselves?

Finally, it dawned on me. Has anyone seen what GoW's women look like???

Christ, I don't blame you guys! You're not neccesarily INVADING, so much as you are RUNNING AWAY! I sympathize with you my war mongering breathen.

At last an apology for the horrendus looking Marisa Sophia Togas, do all the women of the Togas family have facial hair like her?

Master Zen · July 17, 2003, 00:28

If that's the real Marisa Sophia then I've been duped all along...

you can keep her!

That then pretty much narrows down my motives for this war to only one:

KICK SOME A S S

BigFree · July 17, 2003, 01:40

MZ, you told me yourself you've 'had' her many times!

Marisa, in addition to being my Grand Daughter and a Princess of Spain; she is beatiful beyond mortal comparisons. I'm convinced that you did not lay with her. It must have been that crazy old coot Living in GF's wine cellar.

notyoueither · July 17, 2003, 02:21

Such loose women. I am aghast! Aghast I tell you.

How soon can I book passage?

Master Zen · July 17, 2003, 04:00

Quote:

Originally posted by BigFree
MZ, you told me yourself you've 'had' her many times!

Marisa, in addition to being my Grand Daughter and a Princess of Spain; she is beatiful beyond mortal comparisons. I'm convinced that you did not lay with her. It must have been that crazy old coot Living in GF's wine cellar.

The one I've bonked has no facial hair...

I have a feeling that picture is just another RP deception!

Plus, I wasn't THAT drunk when it happened!