Is cheating worse when...

red_jon · July 25, 2003, 10:01

... they cheat with someone of a different gender to you?

I was just thinking, because in Friends Carol was never really reffered to as having cheated on Ross all that time ago - becuase she had slept with a woman and come out as a lesbian.

Guys, would you find it worse if your girlfiend cheated on you with a woman or a guy? Or are they both the same?

Q Classic · July 25, 2003, 10:04

well, i think i'd be hurt more if my gf left me for another girl... who was more masculine than i was.

that was one of the funnier frasier episodes.

SlowwHand · July 25, 2003, 10:05

Why would there be a difference ?
A hoochie mama is a hoochie mama, guy or girl. Same sex or not.

DinoDoc · July 25, 2003, 10:05

Quote:

Originally posted by red_jon
Guys, would you find it worse if your girlfiend cheated on you with a woman or a guy? Or are they both the same?

Would you find it worse if your BF cheated on your with a girl or a guy? Or would they both be the same?

You should answer the question as well.

red_jon · July 25, 2003, 10:09

Quote:

Originally posted by DinoDoc
Would you find it worse if your BF cheated on your with a girl or a guy? Or would they both be the same?

You should answer the question as well.

I suppose in a way it would be less bad if he cheated with a girl - because at least I wouldn't be comparing myself to the guy he cheated with...

If they've already said they're bi, I guess it's a different matter too though...

Sava · July 25, 2003, 10:18

Nah... I think cheating gets worse if it's with a close friend or relative of the person getting cheated on. I doubt gender matters. If anything, if my SO turned out to be a lesbo and was cheating on me; it might be less painful because then I know it was more about sexual identity than infidelity. Although, it would still hurt because I would hope that we would have enough honesty in our relationship... which we do.

red_jon · July 25, 2003, 10:22

Sava - just reading your sigs - Fez is older than me?! I thought he was younger!

Anyhoo, enough threadjacking my own thread. Nice answer

I guess if they were confused about sexual orientation then they have less blame...

Sava · July 25, 2003, 10:32

Quote:

I guess if they were confused about sexual orientation then they have less blame...

Plus, I would be in a great position to make her feel guilty in hopes of getting her to let me watch.

SlowwHand · July 25, 2003, 10:34

You're a sick bastard, Sava.

FrustratedPoet · July 25, 2003, 10:34

Quote:

Originally posted by Sava
Nah... I think cheating gets worse if it's with a close friend or relative of the person getting cheated on. I doubt gender matters.

I think what Sava thinks.

Sava · July 25, 2003, 10:42

Quote:

Originally posted by SlowwHand
You're a sick bastard, Sava.

Just trying to find the silver-lining

I mean, how often do you get to witness a lesbo-lick-fest... without paying for it!

Solly · July 25, 2003, 10:48

Quote:

I guess if they were confused about sexual orientation then they have less blame...

How "confused" can you be if you are attracted enough to have sex with him/her.

red_jon · July 25, 2003, 10:50

Quote:

Originally posted by Boddington's

How "confused" can you be if you are attracted enough to have sex with him/her.

My ex actually proposed to his girlfriend. People have done some extreme things to try to cover up their sexuality.

Solly · July 25, 2003, 10:55

I'm sure they have. This still doesn't give justification to your claim that people can freely cheat in an established relationship so long as they can claim they were confused about their sexulity.

As a side-point, I also questioned why someone would be confused if they were sure enough of their attraction that they were willing to have sex with someone.

red_jon · July 25, 2003, 11:00

Quote:

Originally posted by Boddington's
I'm sure they have. This still doesn't give justification to your claim that people can freely cheat in an established relationship so long as they can claim they were confused about their sexulity.

As a side-point, I also questioned why someone would be confused if they were sure enough of their attraction that they were willing to have sex with someone.

You don't have to be attracted to someone to be pushed into sex with them. If you do have sex with somoeone yet are attracted to someone of a different gender at the same time then you're bisexual (to whatever degree).

I also don't believe that people can freely cheat - I just think that there are certain circumstances in which the situtation is not as bad.

Solly · July 25, 2003, 11:10

I reckon, red_jon, claiming "confusion" is one of those "extreme things [people say] to try to cover up their sexuality"...

Everyone knows full well who they are attracted to and who they are not.

Flubber · July 25, 2003, 11:19

Cheating is cheating . . .

But if my wife cheated with another woman, it would be, in some small ways, not as hurtful. Cheating with another guy is a rejection of what I offer as a man. Cheating with a woman is something that would be easier to rationalize and not see as a failure on your own part as well.

In either case, I would end the relationship since cheating is cheating and I do not tolerate that . . . but somehow I would feel less devastated by the same-sex cheating.

Dis · July 26, 2003, 02:43

the same sex is even worse than normal cheating.

how can you compete with that?

monkspider · July 26, 2003, 02:49

I have to offer the opposite opinion. I would be much more hurt if my girlfriend cheated on me with another girl. I am used to her liking guys and so forth, and if she cheated on me with another guy, sure it would be bad, but if she cheated on me with a girl, that is a whole new level of trust broken. Yeah, naturally I would get jealous if she was getting close with another guy, but now I have to be paranoid of girls too? ARGH!

I would probably leave her in either case, but I would be more likely to forgive if it was another guy. If it's a girl, then there would be no chance.

Skanky Burns · July 26, 2003, 03:14

Either would be bad, to be honest.

Giancarlo · July 26, 2003, 03:37

Quote:

Originally posted by red_jon
Sava - just reading your sigs - Fez is older than me?! I thought he was younger!

19 years old.... don't you know that? It is in my profile..

My SO, being a guy, doesn't really like girls... so I can't answer the question...

Ben Kenobi · July 26, 2003, 04:05

Quote:

... they cheat with someone of a different gender to you?

No, it would not matter. Infidelity is infidelity. Why should the gender of the indiscretion matter?

Urban Ranger · July 26, 2003, 04:29

Since I don't think I will ever go out with a homosexual woman, the point is moot.

Firelad · July 26, 2003, 04:35

You know, cheating is cheating... Doesn't matter at all. If a relationship is closed, it would be destroyed in both cases. If it's open, it doesn't matter either (but it's got much more fun potential if it's the same-sex kind. Or actually it doesn't matter since I don't really mind either way

)

st_swithin · July 26, 2003, 06:29

If my SO cheated on me with another person any gender, he/she would IMMEDIATELY cease to be my SO.

Mercator · July 26, 2003, 06:33

I think the worst part about cheating is the breach of trust, and that doesn't change with gender. So, both are equally bad.

Solly · July 26, 2003, 06:35

Hey, but it's alright if they are confused!

What an excuse.

TCO · July 26, 2003, 09:04

I would end it if it was with a girl. No Chasing Amy for me. The guy was right about the Easter Bunny. If she cheats on me with another man, its just showing that she likes men. I guess, I always figure that my gf will like me a lot. So if she cheats, its probably because I've been blowing her off.

red_jon · July 26, 2003, 19:18

Bos, I didn't use the term confused in its literal sense - it's actually a bad way of putting it.

However, you may be physically attracted to someone of the same sex, but when you're closeted you don't think of yourself as gay for at least a very long time.

Denial would be a better word, but you knew what I meant anyway.

st_swithin · July 26, 2003, 21:02

You know, the King of Denial is the guy who can shout 'NO!' the loudest.