3D Special Documentary

Maniac · July 25, 2003, 16:13

Following the Hive example we present you an exclusive documentary: CyCon Government in times of SASS - How does it work?

Mani Alpha-3 is Second Function of the Cybernetic Consciousness. As the title of that function indicates, it is only of secondary importance. As evidence, see this extract of the preliminary Cybernetic Constitution:

Quote:

The Second Function has the responsibility to:

Poll for Social Engineering Changes
Start Nominations and Elections: Nominations should be posted on the 20th of every month, and elections, where needed, on the 27th of every month, lasting for 3 days (for details see Article 10: Government Policy).
Be the Turn Player when the Prime Function is unavailable, or designate a replacement.
Be, or designate, a replacement for any elected official

"All a Second Function has to do," so Mani Alpha-3 thought, "is organize a few Social Engineering polls in the next few decades, and post an election poll once in a while." A dream job! You have few responsibilities, but have a good salary and a fancy title you can brag about when you finally meet Claire Forlani. Sure, completely at the end of the list of responsibilities there is something mentioned about "replacing absent functions", but who thought this would ever be necessary? After all, besides Mani Alpha-3, the two biggest ~~spammers~~ contributors in the CyCon datalinks are Prime Function Drogue Beta-8 and Internal Affairs Function Corelli Omega-9. It was guaranteed: Second Function was gonna be a luxury life. That thought, dear readers, was the biggest mistake in Mani Alpha-3's cybernetic life!

For Mani Alpha-3 had not counted on such insidious viruses as the Severe Acute Sluggish Syndrome (SASS). In a matter of days both the Prime Function and the Internal Affairs Function had to report for maintenance, to delete the virus out of their systems. This left only Mani Alpha-3 at the helm of the Consciousness, well together with Function Delta "Who-Does-Not-Speak-English-Very-Well". He now had to take care of three of the four government functions. This gave some practical problems, so Mani Alpha-3 found out. For example, twenty years ago the architect of our Headquarters Apolyton Prime had the wonderful idea of organizing the base in a square "as that is so mathematically perfect". All the living quarters were in the center, and the four government buildings were in the very corners of that square base plan, to symbolize the government protecting the cyborg citizens against the dangers outside. That may be a nice symbol, but it isn't very promoting for state efficiency.

For example when a few days ago the Internal Affairs Function, currently Mani Alpha-3 in other words, wanted to organize a poll where to found a new base, the plans for that poll had to be created in the Internal Affairs building at Ygrec Corner. Then, according to the constitution, the poll plans have to be transferred to the Second Function department at Upsilon Corner to control if everything is done according to regulations. "Checks and balances. Very democratic!" it is called. Normally these plans are transmitted by the datalinks, but due to a network overload this was not possible. As a consequence thousands of research papers, geological reports of fitting base sites and organizational plans for the referendum had to be moved from Ygrek Corner to Upsilon Corner by truck, a drive of 12 kilometers. The length between the corners of the square could have been made shorter - after all only 20000 cyborgs lived in Poly Prime - but Poly Prime's architect decided to make the square sides 12 km "as that is such a mathematically perfect number: it can be divided by 1, 2, 3, 4, 6 and 12!

" But Mani Alpha-3 remained patient in the face of this chaos. He would let the bureaucrats move the paperwork to his office at Upsilon Corner. In the meanwhile he could rest a little...

A few hours later though, the paperwork still hadn't arrived. When Mani Alpha-3 asked what was wrong, it appeared the truck driver had mistaken the street names and delivered the papers to Epsilon Corner instead of Upsilon Corner, because he was a little stressed. Can you believe it?

Stressed? He was being guided by adrenaline instead of reason! "Perhaps Unimatrix 001 wasn't such a good idea after all." Mani Alpha-3 pondered.

Anyway, after some more problems the papers arrived at Upsilon Corner and were checked for their legality. Finally the poll could be put online on the datalinks. There would be a lively debate between many politically interested cyborgs, and the results would be sent to the Prime Function department at Ypsilon Corner where the executive orders would be signed by... you guessed it... Mani Alpha-3.

That lively debate didn't happen though. After two days only two people had voted in the poll, one of which was Mani Alpha-3 himself.

Five more minutes later, every cyborg received the following telepathic message:
"Okay guys, from now on I'll decide everything on my own!!

"

THAT, my friends, is CyCon democracy at work.

Snowflake · July 25, 2003, 16:46

Most sincere sympathy at the spread of SASS on your logical network ... Please forward our regards to the Prime Function and Function Corelli. And most importantly, congradulations Second Function, on your ultimate control of the faction!

Kody · July 26, 2003, 19:49

*chuckle*

Kody

Drogue · July 26, 2003, 19:55

The Prime Function is still present to receive any regards

However he is very busy with official business (my new job) and official 'business'

(my new gf)

Kody · July 26, 2003, 19:56

Cheer!

You got a girlfriend that isn't apolyton!

Kody

Kody · July 26, 2003, 20:02

Someone got confused in the hive a while back and called apolyton their girlfriend.

Kody

Maniac · July 26, 2003, 20:41

Snowflake · July 26, 2003, 22:43

Quote:

Originally posted by Drogue
The Prime Function is still present to receive any regards

However he is very busy with official business (my new job) and official 'business'

(my new gf)

Congrats!

Remember don't let the name or anything else of comrade Forlani slip through your lips, dear Prime Function.

Corellion · July 27, 2003, 01:45

Relax Function Mani Alpha-3, for you are no longer alone. Repairs upon Function Corelli Omega-9 are now complete!

Vev · July 27, 2003, 19:28

I am sure there are implants to repair certain malfunctions.

Drogue · July 28, 2003, 14:37

Quote:

Originally posted by Kody
Someone got confused in the hive a while back and called apolyton their girlfriend.

I'll take a wild guess at Kass

Vev · July 31, 2003, 02:17

I can hear crickets chirping in this forum.

Corellion · July 31, 2003, 20:57

Yes... crickets.

By the way, if you want to have any private and sensitive conversations, please speak loudly and clearly into the cricket.

Vev · July 31, 2003, 21:06

HELLO? I THINK THE HIVE IS ON THE VERGE OF RESEARCHING 'ADAPTIVE POLYMORHPIC SPAM NETWORKS'

Octavian X · August 1, 2003, 00:41

Correction: We have mastered ADAPTIVE POLYMORHPIC SPAM NETWORKS.

Snowflake · August 1, 2003, 09:36

Congradulations Primary Function Maniac! (

or is it too early?)

Maniac · August 1, 2003, 16:19

No no, it isn't. Now I'm officially Prime Function.

I was thinking about writing a small article announcing it, but I'll just tell you our new government plain and simple like this:

Prime Function: Mani Alpha-3
Second Function: Chaunk Omicron-7
Internal Affairs Function: Corelli Omega-9
External Affairs Function: Drogue Beta-8