Papacy Declares Crusade against Infadels!

Arnelos · July 26, 2003, 08:43

Papacy Declares Crusade against Infidels!

Though it has understandbly taken some time for this news to travel to foreign lands since its original announcement within Spain, a meeting of the Curia took place at the Council of Castile so that the leaders of the Holy Catholic Church could discuss a request by King Justino Togas of Spain to declare a holy crusade against the invading infadels of Neu Demogyptica and the so-called "Glory of War".

After the meeting of the Curia in which a vote of the attending Cardinals was unanimous, the Supreme Pontiff, Pope Calixtus I, made the following announcement:

Quote:

Originally posted by Pope Calixtus I, Supreme Pontiff

I have officially declared the war on China and on Arabia a crusade.

From now on, Spain's troops carry with them the Papal Banner, and the Paladins of the Church may accompany the army as aides to the Marshal and as generals.

I will officially bless our troops, and bestow on them titles befitting soldiers of God.

Also, I hereby appoint Polaris Winterius Archbishop of Spain and Bishop of Persia.

Following this announcement, the Pope sent his bannermen to all of the military units fighting for Spain and both gave them god's holy blessing and sanctified each unit with a name befitting them as crusaders of the Holy Catholic Church.

Furthermore, at the order of the Supreme Pontiff, the Swiss Guard have joined with the forces of Spain in this crusade and the Pope has sent the paladins of the church to fight alongside Spain in this war against the Devil and his minions of Neu Demogypticans and so-called "warmongers".

As with any crusade, all warriors who fight and die as crusaders against the vile heathens will be rewarded with an afterlife spent in paradise.

Brave men from across the Christian world are said to be taking up the opportunity to defend the Holy Catholic Church and earn their place in paradise!

The Pope has made an open call to such warriors that they shall also be given god's blessing should they fight on the side of Christiandom in this war.

Let the crusades begin!

GhengisFarb™ · July 26, 2003, 08:45

At least you'll all get to die in your homeland......

Arnelos · July 26, 2003, 08:49

Pope Calixtus I Provides Holy Warriors with Holy Marching Tune

The Supreme Pontiff, Pope Calixtus I, has provided the forces of Christiandom which he has blessed with the following hymn to keep their spirits raised in these, the darkest of times for the Church:

The Son of God goes forth to war,
A kingly crown to gain;
His blood-red banner streams afar:
Who follows in His train?
Who best can drink his cup of woe,
Triumphant over pain,
Who patient bears his cross below,
He follows in His train.

That martyr first, whose eagle eye
Could pierce beyond the grave;
Who saw his Master in the sky,
And called on Him to save.
Like Him, with pardon on His tongue,
In midst of mortal pain,
He prayed for them that did the wrong:
Who follows in His train?

A glorious band, the chosen few
On whom the Spirit came;
Twelve valiant saints, their hope they knew,
And mocked the cross and flame.
They met the tyrant's brandished steel,
The lion's gory mane;
They bowed their heads the death to feel:
Who follows in their train?

A noble army, men and boys,
The matron and the maid,
Around the Savior's throne rejoice,
In robes of light arrayed.
They climbed the steep ascent of Heav'n,
Through peril, toil, and pain;
O God, to us may grace be given,
To follow in their train.

When the Cruaders began to indeed sing this hymn as they marched for the Church, Duke Aidun Cian of Zaragosa, Lord Chamberlain of the House of Lords was said to be so moved that he broke into tears.

After this incident, the Lord Chamberlain called upon the Lords of Spain to vote on this hymn to become the official War Anthem of the Kingdom of Spain.

The vote in the House of Lords is said to be largely in favor, though it is still ongoing.

May the Supreme Pontiff be praised for his blessing of our armies of holy warriors!

Shiber · July 26, 2003, 09:02

Who are those 'infadels' you speak of?
If you mean Glory of War, then they are widely known as 'dnfidels'.

Arnelos · July 26, 2003, 09:15

Quote:

Originally posted by Shiber
Who are those 'infadels' you speak of?
If you mean Glory of War, then they are widely known as 'dnfidels'.

[OOC]

oops. I should have spell-checked that. My bad.

[/OOC]

GhengisFarb™ · July 26, 2003, 09:23

Moronic Pope Ordains "Crusade" Conspiracy!

Spanish peasants flock to Papal banner in droves only to be given small round shields with a bullseye painted on them to speed up the invasion.... more to come.

Panzer32 · July 26, 2003, 10:01

Quote:

I have officially declared the war on China and on Egypt a crusade.

what about Arabia?

Theseus · July 26, 2003, 10:12

Uh, yeah... Egypt?

Well a jihad on you then!!

GhengisFarb™ · July 26, 2003, 10:14

Moronic Pope Declares War on GS and Glory of War!

Quote:

I have officially declared the war on China(Glory of War) and on Egypt(Gathering Storm) a crusade.

No mention was made of a crusade against Arabia (Neu Demogyptica).

History Guy · July 26, 2003, 14:06

Egypt? What?! Arnelos...was that a typo?!

(officially orders Egypt replaced with Arabia on the double, or Arnelos will get a new home in Dr. Pinch's Torture Chamber...)

GhengisFarb™ · July 26, 2003, 14:12

Quote:

Originally posted by Pope Calixtus I, Supreme Pontiff

I have officially declared the war on China and on Egypt a crusade.

From now on, Spain's troops carry with them the Papal Banner, and the Paladins of the Church may accompany the army as aides to the Marshal and as generals.

I will officially bless our troops, and bestow on them titles befitting soldiers of God.

Also, I hereby appoint Polaris Winterius Archbishop of Spain and Bishop of Persia.

Which caused the following response:

Quote:

Originally posted by History Guy
Egypt? What?! Arnelos...was that a typo?!

Apparently not, it seems to fit the surrounding context and he's had almost all day to correct it if had been a typo. It's makes sense, he's declared a crusade against GS who has taken the most of Roleplay's cities.
Mind you, Arnelos didn't type that, THAT IS A QUOTE FROM ROLEPLAY'S INTERNAL TEAM FORUM.

Quote:

Originally posted by History Guy (officially orders Egypt replaced with Arabia on the double, or Arnelos will get a new home in Dr. Pinch's Torture Chamber...)

Is that a sitcom?

Shiber · July 26, 2003, 14:15

I can hear the title music already...

He's Dr. Pinch,
He has a chamber, and -
What do you know?
Now he's got his very own...
Dr. Pinch's Torture Chamber shoooow!!
[applause]

History Guy · July 26, 2003, 14:25

THE VATICAN NEWS

Unexplained Incidents in China and Spain after Crusade Declared!

VATICAN CITY, Saturday - Shortly after His Holiness the Supreme Pontiff Calixtus I, who is never ever mistaken on much of anything in matters spiritual, animal, and mineral, and is the model of a modern major religious leader, declared a crusade to be launched against China and Arabia, two strange and unexplained events took place in China and Spain.

According to Chinese Christian undercover missionaries, CrazyGhengis was horrified this morning to discover that his entire printing press had been tossed out of a four story window and run over by a hay cart until it was squashed.

"I don't know," he said, gnawing on his kneecaps, "I just wrote an article calling the Pope a moron, and then my printing press was mysteriously destroyed! I can't take this... I am afraid I may go completely sane!"

Chinese police officials admit that they are perplexed by this wanton destruction.

Li Ping Tung, 32, the police commissioner in Ghengis's district, reports that there are no descriptions of the culprits except that they "were last seen giggling malevolently and talking to each other in Swiss before they disappeared into the night."

Also, in Spain today, the official stenographer for the Vatican was found inside the belly of a squid that was washed up on shore.

He had been missing since the official press release.

GhengisFarb™ · July 26, 2003, 14:49

Quote:

Originally posted by History Guy
THE VATICAN NEWS

Unexplained Incidents in China and Spain after Crusade Declared!

VATICAN CITY, Saturday - Shortly after His Holiness the Supreme Pontiff Calixtus I, who is never ever mistaken on much of anything in matters spiritual, animal, and mineral, and is the model of a modern major religious leader, declared a crusade to be launched against China and Arabia, two strange and unexplained event[color="CCCCCC"]s took place in China and Spain.

According to Chinese Christian undercover missionaries, CrazyGhengis was horrified this morning to discover that his entire printing press had been tossed out of a four story window and run over by a hay cart until it was squashed.

"I don't know," he said, gnawing on his kneecaps, "I just wrote an article calling the Pope a moron, and then my printing press was mysteriously destroyed! I can't take this... I am afraid I may go completely sane!"

Chinese police officials admit that they are perplexed by this wanton destruction.

Li Ping Tung, 32, the police commissioner in Ghengis's district, reports that there are no descriptions of the culprits except that they "were last seen giggling malevolently and talking to each other in Swiss before they disappeared into the night."

Also, in Spain today, the official stenographer for the Vatican was found inside the belly of a squid that was washed up on shore.

He had been missing since the official press release.

Moronic Pope Determined to have Multiple Personalities!

The Pope declared the same Crusade he had declared earlier only with different targets, two hours later he declared a Crusade against Spain.... more to come.

Aggie · July 26, 2003, 16:07

Soon we will meet this pope personally and can determine his insanity. It would explain alot. I just thought RP were cowards. Now I know their leader is insane. He meant to gift the cities to GOW but got mixed up and sent to GS. But please commence the crusade. I need something to fight. My troops are tired of seeing your ugly backsides as you run away.
Aggie(COW)

Panzer32 · July 26, 2003, 19:35

Ghengis, what has the truthometer taken out?

Arnelos · July 26, 2003, 21:26

Quote:

Originally posted by History Guy
Egypt? What?! Arnelos...was that a typo?!

That was your error, not mine

That said, it has been edited to correctly reflect both your original intent and your recent correction: a crusade against the ARABIAN infidels!

GhengisFarb™ · July 26, 2003, 22:33

Quote:

Originally posted by Arnelos
That was your error, not mine

Like I said, it is a glimpse into Roleplay private forum and you can see their TRUE feelings towards GS......

History Guy · July 27, 2003, 10:51

Ah well, we all make mistakes. But that's the extent of my mistake making for today, I hope...

And Ghengis, you crazy nutter, how did I declare a crusade on Spain?! You will note that the stenographers got this one right...

(realizes that an unstable mind such as Ghengis's will sometimes create its own little worlds)

Nuclear Winter · July 27, 2003, 16:16

*Carl von Seltsame, renowed comander of the Swiss Guards*
this is a disease we call Gowmoloidism... it reduces the Brrain capacitty of the affected perrson grreatly... and it just seems that Herr Ghengis hast fallen ill of this disease. The Trreatment includish severrely pounding the victim´s head on the grround, and then completely immerrrsing it on the trrout´s tank...
We can trry that when we capturrre him....

History Guy · July 27, 2003, 16:43

I've got a meat tenderizer here, Nuke.

Just hold the old Farb down a bit, and we'll make him totally sane!

GhengisFarb™ · July 27, 2003, 17:00

I appreciate your team's concern for my mental welfare....

Theseus · July 27, 2003, 22:46

An admirable and Christianly effort... but for naught, I fear.

You might want to check the links in GF's sig...

(not that I mind

)

History Guy · July 28, 2003, 11:20

You're right. Because of this startling revelation, we shall squash Ghengis with the tenderizer just for the heck of it!

GhengisFarb™ · July 28, 2003, 11:55

Quote:

Originally posted by History Guy
You're right. Because of this startling revelation, we shall squash Ghengis with the tenderizer just for the heck of it!

Startling revelation? Its been right it front of your nose in plain sight for well over a year real time. That would equate to over 10,000 years game time.

If your team takes over 10,000 years to notice the Glorious Army marching at them, this war is going to be a piece of cake.

BigFree · July 29, 2003, 04:01

Since GoW has yet to actually attack anyone, ND included, I'd think GOW has had plenty of time for cake, iceceam and a little coffee! Sheesh, when do you plan to actually FIGHT in the war?

I guess thats the kind of 'cake' you were refering to.

Nuclear Winter · July 29, 2003, 09:51

We must help GoW... This is not the PTWDG2, no food team in this one. SO please, stop eating and bring on the soldiers.... you are almost killing us all... of laughter, that is...
´´Here come the riders in their speedy horses!!!´´
*seconds later*
´´There goes the riders in their speedy horses...´´

History Guy · July 29, 2003, 14:49

The Swiss Guards encountered them Riders once, you know. With a chuck of the Holy Hand Grenade, however, the Warmongers shouted "Run away!" and they ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em...

GhengisFarb™ · July 29, 2003, 15:15

If you are so eager to get into battle, why is that everytime the Riders get within striking distance of one of your cities you immediately pull a Lux and give it away?

Shiber · July 29, 2003, 15:24

No Ethel (would you mind if I call you Ethel?), to pull a Lux is to disband the city.
I see that you keep reminiscing the days of the Luxian war... and after all, who could blame you? That's the closest you've ever been to a real war.