making friends, human relations

Pekka · October 10, 2003, 12:17

Well, I can speak for this matter some now because I moved into a new city, knew no one there. So, it's been an interesting experience. Now I've made some friends, I guess you can't make really good friends in short time like this, but I've made some friends anyway. It is interesting how you seem to find likeminded people so fast.

I guess it's the environment you get yourself maybe unconsciously. But the interesting part is, that I met two people just a week ago, and it was instant success. No one had said anything, we were smoking cigarrettes and one of them said something about something, and life in our eyes started, because we all shared the same compassion. It turned out we're all passionate Mixed Martial Arts fanatics, and follow the same events with great interest. This is very little known here where I live so.. chances are 1/1000 someone knows what you're talking about. But these guys were experts and we were all like 'Woaah.. how is this possible that we meet like this?' since they knew the value of this too, the little known thing factor. So, instantly we think good of each other, and that they we are good guys. Fate? Coinsicidence? I don't know, but it was pretty amazing.
Turns out, our backrounds are also kind of same, and we share many other interest as well. Has this ever happened to you?

Then the other thing.. when you don't know anyone and you start looking for some company, possible friends.. it's so frustrating when you meet someone that you agree to go further than jsut say 'hi', for a couple of days you seem to be doing well and getting along. But then the truth comes out and you realize you don't share anything, you don't find this person interesting at all, and quite frankly you get annoyed by him/her with several things. But you have established a short relationship, and at this point it would be extremely rude to say 'listen, I don't like you, I don't want to see you again, or if you do just say hi and continue walking by please'. But you can't really do that, now can you?
I hate it!

SlowwHand · October 10, 2003, 12:20

Friends? You don't need no stinking friends!

You have us.

Pekka · October 10, 2003, 12:24

Oh yeah I forgot the point!

Long post and nothing to say.. same old me.

Yeah, the question was, or something I'd like to discuss is how do you get yourself off of new friendship you really don't want, when seeing the other person is unavoidable? I mean, you worked yourself to get to know this person and signalled you want to know this person and the person let you do that.. but you just don't have any .. chemistry, at all. How do you get away?

And the other thing was, how likeminded people just seem to find each other without saying too much? They gather in the same place sometimes, never knowing of each other, but soon they'll be friends for sure? Is it unconscious?

Sure I don't need friends, but I don't have my OWN internet connection as of yet, so in a way I don't have you right now.. in couple of weeks..

SlowwHand · October 10, 2003, 12:27

Rather than looking one-on-one join, what?
An activity group is all I can think of right now.
Basketball. Whatever.

Pekka · October 10, 2003, 12:30

what do you mean with one-on-one join? I don't understand.

I'm not asking for tips how to make friends, I'm doing pretty good, I already have my mates that I do my work with and also was lucky enough to find outside of work friends there (work=school..) who share the same interests and you know they'll become good friends fast.

laurentius · October 11, 2003, 20:16

I think that likeminded people sort of sence the familiarity from all the little things,the way they talk, walk and react. It's somekind of aura. I've had similar experiences as you and it's like you just found someone you have been knowing the whole life. I jsut sometimes burst talking about all different kinds of things with total strangers for hours. Some times the chemistry just matches 90-100%, instantly. And sometimes most amazing things happen because of this.

Last summer me and Rasbelin/Asuka met for the first time on this bar(cafe kafka) in Helsinki. After ordering some beverages we started to look for a place to sit in the terace. There werent many empty tables and we were already about to go back inside when this one man I had never seen before said "hey guys you can sit here in this table if you like". So we sat and started chatting about life, apolyton, summer etc. In some point the guy joined our chat and started telling how this was his first holiday in a year and how he wanted to make best out of it. It was like pals meeting after a long time when none of us had ever seen each other before. After about half an hour, this guys saw some friend of his and invited him to join us. This new guy came sitting too and introduced himself as the manager of the nearby big public library. I had been working the art gallery inside the library so we quicly found out lots to talk about "hows she doing now?" "hows the renovation going+" things like that.

So there we were 4 guys from 19 to ~50 years old, chatting like old friends. And in fact we had nothing in common, just shared the same table and city - space and time. Very surreal event.

DaShi · October 12, 2003, 07:16

Getting rid of people is easy. Just say something bad about them behind their back. It'll eventually come to them. Then they'll just start to drift away from you, uncertain what to think. They won't confront you because they have little evidence, and you can deny it, but there will always be that little black mark there that will eventually destroy the relationship.

Now if it's a girl. Just **** her and don't call her anymore.

Dis · October 12, 2003, 15:09

friends