October 15, 2003, 12:51
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#1
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Deity
Local Time: 10:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Oregon Coast, USA! or Bohol, Philippines!
Posts: 16,064
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Rhinos Don't Stop Short Twice, or, Lifes Little Lessons...
When your wife asks if the dress looks good on her, say yes. Don't say 'it would have 5 pounds ago'. Believe me on this, k?
If you're with a pretty girl, but a real beauty walks in and the pretty one catches you bug eyed drooling and she asks, "honestly, is she better looking than me?" Don't be honest.
Next...
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I'm not profane, I type the stars.
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October 15, 2003, 12:54
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#2
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Deity
Local Time: 03:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: In a bamboo forest hiding from Dale.
Posts: 17,436
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Silly rabbit. You're just now learning to tell women what they want to hear instead of the truth? 
__________________
Christianity is the belief in a cosmic Jewish zombie who can give us eternal life if we symbolically eat his flesh and blood and telepathically tell him that we accept him as our lord and master so he can remove an evil force present in all humanity because a woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from an apple tree.
Last edited by Oerdin; October 15, 2003 at 13:19.
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October 15, 2003, 12:56
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#3
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Emperor
Local Time: 06:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Fort LOLderdale, FL Communist Party of Apolyton
Posts: 9,091
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I've learned that brutal honesty is the best policy. Sure, I caught hell for it in the beginning, but now I don't get asked those stupid questions. 
__________________
Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...
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October 15, 2003, 12:57
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#4
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Emperor
Local Time: 10:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Mu Mu Land
Posts: 6,570
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When she asks "Honey, can you do me a favor?" Make sure to respond with "What do you want" and not with "Yes"... They all have sneaky little plans to ask you to do something really big as a "favor", but if you don't want to do something really big they will down grade the "favor" into something smaller... If not, at least you have an out.
If they ask "can you the dishes/floors/whatever"... "No" is not an answer.
When they spend more than 15 minutes "getting ready" you are required to comment on how "nice they look" even if they look awful.
(are these just suppose to be about SOs or can it be about anything?)
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October 15, 2003, 13:04
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#5
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Deity
Local Time: 10:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Oregon Coast, USA! or Bohol, Philippines!
Posts: 16,064
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Oerdin, I thought the Rhino bit was clever...a little credit, huh? eh?
Che, you don't get any, right? Besides, all those hot little commie chicks are lesbians anyway.
"When they spend more than 15 minutes "getting ready" you are required to comment on how "nice they look" even if they look awful."- Brilliant Japher! True wisdom...
__________________
I'm not profane, I type the stars.
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October 15, 2003, 13:18
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#6
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Deity
Local Time: 03:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: In a bamboo forest hiding from Dale.
Posts: 17,436
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Ok, the Rhino bit was cute.
__________________
Christianity is the belief in a cosmic Jewish zombie who can give us eternal life if we symbolically eat his flesh and blood and telepathically tell him that we accept him as our lord and master so he can remove an evil force present in all humanity because a woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from an apple tree.
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October 15, 2003, 13:20
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#7
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Emperor
Local Time: 05:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: The cities of Orly and Nowai
Posts: 4,228
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i don't know where you find girls like that. mine doesn't put me in the situation of asking "does me look fat?" or any of the classic dangerous ones.
although, when she's upset, nothing i do is right:
"can i do anything to make you feel better?"
"can you (asks something impossibly out of my control)"
"well, i can try..."
"what good are you?"
__________________
B♭3
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October 15, 2003, 13:28
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#8
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Emperor
Local Time: 13:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: A pub.
Posts: 3,161
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Quote:
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"When they spend more than 15 minutes "getting ready" you are required to comment on how "nice they look" even if they look awful."- Brilliant Japher! True wisdom...
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"Too much makeup" always worked for me. That is, if by "working" you mean ruining the evening.
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October 15, 2003, 13:28
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#9
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Deity
Local Time: 10:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Oregon Coast, USA! or Bohol, Philippines!
Posts: 16,064
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"Ok, the Rhino bit was cute.  "
I was thinking of doing 'Heterosexual Rhinos don't stop short", but didn't have the guts.
Q Cubed, they have their moments don't they? Reason goes out the window and they give themselves up to contrary emotionalism. Coming down off such an episode, an old gf once told me, "we women have such problems", feeling sorry for herself. I stupidly replied, "yes, and we men have such women." Add that to my lifes little lessons...
__________________
I'm not profane, I type the stars.
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October 15, 2003, 13:32
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#10
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Deity
Local Time: 03:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: In a bamboo forest hiding from Dale.
Posts: 17,436
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Quote:
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Originally posted by Q Cubed
although, when she's upset, nothing i do is right:
"can i do anything to make you feel better?"
"can you (asks something impossibly out of my control)"
"well, i can try..."
"what good are you?"
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I've been in similar situations where you just know that no matter what you say it will be the wrong thing. It doesn't matter if you say "Lovely weather we're having" she'll still find a way to criticize.
__________________
Christianity is the belief in a cosmic Jewish zombie who can give us eternal life if we symbolically eat his flesh and blood and telepathically tell him that we accept him as our lord and master so he can remove an evil force present in all humanity because a woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from an apple tree.
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October 15, 2003, 13:33
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#11
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Deity
Local Time: 10:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Oregon Coast, USA! or Bohol, Philippines!
Posts: 16,064
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Azazel, you're not talking Tammy Fay sort of excess, are you?  When that woman is done painting, she's a freak, barely human. Uggg. Though when she asked Jim Baker how she looked, I bet "like a freak" wasn't the answer.
__________________
I'm not profane, I type the stars.
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October 15, 2003, 13:41
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#12
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Emperor
Local Time: 13:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: A pub.
Posts: 3,161
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"Too much makeup" is what you should say when a particular female keeps you waiting for too long.
( Maybe that's why I don't have too many girls. Nah, I think the fact that I am butt-ugly has more to do with it. )
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October 15, 2003, 13:52
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#13
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Deity
Local Time: 10:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Oregon Coast, USA! or Bohol, Philippines!
Posts: 16,064
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"Nah, I think the fact that I am butt-ugly has more to do with it. "
Nothing to do with it, just ask Bill Gates.
__________________
I'm not profane, I type the stars.
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October 15, 2003, 14:02
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#14
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Emperor
Local Time: 13:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: A pub.
Posts: 3,161
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Oh, thanks.  
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October 15, 2003, 14:08
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#15
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Emperor
Local Time: 05:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: The cities of Orly and Nowai
Posts: 4,228
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Quote:
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Q Cubed, they have their moments don't they? Reason goes out the window and they give themselves up to contrary emotionalism.
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yeah, you love 'em, but you'll never understand why exactly they're so psychotic.
__________________
B♭3
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October 15, 2003, 21:29
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#16
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Deity
Local Time: 10:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Oregon Coast, USA! or Bohol, Philippines!
Posts: 16,064
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"yeah, you love 'em, but you'll never understand why exactly they're so psychotic."
There's a serious Jewish sect in Israel the men of which give thanks daily for not being born women. I'm with them, though I don't advertise. Hmm, I wonder if they get any...
Like any other male, I have no clue. I'm based in logic, which limits me to the reasonable.
__________________
I'm not profane, I type the stars.
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October 15, 2003, 21:39
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#17
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Emperor
Local Time: 05:36
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Join Date: Apr 1999
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they're just so darned wonderful though.
but crazy.
a friend of mine was asked by his gf as to whether they would have gone out of he were a she and she a he, or if they were both shes or both hes
he answered correctly, which was "yes"... he surmised this because she's a firm believer in the soul mates thing.
__________________
B♭3
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October 15, 2003, 21:43
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#18
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Deity
Local Time: 03:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 17,354
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I'm going to find me a woman who doesn't mind me calling her fat, and doesn't care if I don't think she's not the most beautiful woman in the world.
__________________
Focus, discipline
Barack Obama- the antichrist
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October 15, 2003, 21:46
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#19
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Emperor
Local Time: 05:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 18,269
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Quote:
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a friend of mine was asked by his gf as to whether they would have gone out of he were a she and she a he, or if they were both shes or both hes
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I don't want the second half of that question... First one is not hard, yes.
__________________
Scouse Git (2) LaFayette and Adam Smith you will be missed
"All my own perception of beauty both in majesty and simplicity is founded upon Our Lady." - JRR Tolkein
Get busy living or get busy dying.
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October 15, 2003, 22:22
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#20
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Deity
Local Time: 10:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Oregon Coast, USA! or Bohol, Philippines!
Posts: 16,064
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Q Cubed, I'd have answered yes to the lesbian thing, no to the homosexual thing. In fact, if I was a girl, I'd be a lesbian. Damn straight. A virgin lesbian.
Dissident, very best of luck to you in you endeavor. Along the same lines, I hope to one day ride a unicorn.
__________________
I'm not profane, I type the stars.
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October 15, 2003, 22:47
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#21
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Warlord
Local Time: 04:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 281
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When she asks you and you weren't paying attention, you are infinitely better off asking "What?" than saying yes.
__________________
"Beauty is not in the face...Beauty is a light in the heart." - Kahlil Gibran
"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves" - Victor Hugo
"It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good -- and less trouble." - Mark Twain
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October 15, 2003, 23:08
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#22
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Deity
Local Time: 10:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: Oregon Coast, USA! or Bohol, Philippines!
Posts: 16,064
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THAT is a really advanced concept Kirnwaffen. You should be heralded as a wise man, and sit upon the mountain. In other words, I like it. 
__________________
I'm not profane, I type the stars.
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October 16, 2003, 01:06
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#23
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Emperor
Local Time: 05:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
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Location: Illinois
Posts: 8,595
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Man, the horrors you guys go through, dating or marrying people of the opposite gender . . . . . .
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STFU and then GTFO!
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October 16, 2003, 01:51
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#24
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King
Local Time: 02:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: May 2002
Location: near the magic kingdom
Posts: 1,001
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If she asks you if you believe that there is only "one true love" say yes and that she is the one. (Known from experience)
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badams
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October 16, 2003, 02:18
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#25
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Deity
Local Time: 03:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: In a bamboo forest hiding from Dale.
Posts: 17,436
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Girls know that guys are lying to them when they use corny lines like that. The thing is in the back of their minds they know there's that 1% chance he's telling the truth so they agree to go along with the lie.
__________________
Christianity is the belief in a cosmic Jewish zombie who can give us eternal life if we symbolically eat his flesh and blood and telepathically tell him that we accept him as our lord and master so he can remove an evil force present in all humanity because a woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from an apple tree.
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October 16, 2003, 02:30
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#26
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Deity
Local Time: 04:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: of naught
Posts: 21,300
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Says the necrophiliac duck man.
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(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(") This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your signature to help him gain world domination.
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October 16, 2003, 02:43
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#27
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Civilization V News Editor
Local Time: 06:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
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Location: Yggdrasil.
Posts: 4,164
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how about this one, guys: don't date anyone you meet on apolyton.
**evil grin**
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Civ V Civilization V Civ5 CivV Civilization 5 Civ 5 - Do your part!
I wasn't born with enough middle fingers.
[ All good things]
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October 16, 2003, 04:20
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#28
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King
Local Time: 03:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Boulder, Colorado, United Snakes of America
Posts: 1,417
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Quote:
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Originally posted by Q Cubed
i don't know where you find girls like that. mine doesn't put me in the situation of asking "does me look fat?" or any of the classic dangerous ones.
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There are some advantages to dating 15 year olds.
__________________
He's got the Midas touch.
But he touched it too much!
Hey Goldmember, Hey Goldmember!
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October 16, 2003, 04:21
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#29
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King
Local Time: 03:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Boulder, Colorado, United Snakes of America
Posts: 1,417
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Quote:
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Originally posted by self biased
how about this one, guys: don't date anyone you meet on apolyton.
**evil grin**
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D'uh.
__________________
He's got the Midas touch.
But he touched it too much!
Hey Goldmember, Hey Goldmember!
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October 16, 2003, 04:23
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#30
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King
Local Time: 03:36
Local Date: November 2, 2010
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Boulder, Colorado, United Snakes of America
Posts: 1,417
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Quote:
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Originally posted by Dissident
I'm going to find me a woman who doesn't mind me calling her fat, and doesn't care if I don't think she's not the most beautiful woman in the world.
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It might just be easier to date the most beautiful woman in the world than to find that woman.
__________________
He's got the Midas touch.
But he touched it too much!
Hey Goldmember, Hey Goldmember!
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