Yep, due to an amazing advance in the magical web serving technologies, we are now able to make the
mystical power of the word "PYRZQXGL!" available live, on-demand on the World Wide Web!
Citizens of Oz, please read this edict from the Emerald City before
using this tool to transform yourself or others.
What in the name of all that is good is this about?
1. What is Pyrzqxgl?
Pyrzqxgl is a magic word so powerful that, properly pronounced, it can produce
instant transformations. The typical formula consists of the caster stating
who he wishes to become what, and punctuating with a firm Pyrzqxgl!
L. Frank Baum, first official historian of the Land of Oz, chronicled in
his work The Magic of Oz (1919) the history of the (re)discovery of the
magic word in Oz.
Kiki Aru, an Oz boy, discovered the magic word (which was a discovery of his father, a
law-abiding citizen who had abandoned his practice of the magical arts in accordance with
the Royal Edict.)
He very quickly began using the magic for evil purposes, including a near-takeover
of the entire faery country.
The entire history can be read here.
2. Why use Pyrzqxgl?
It's clever, clean, fast and no-fuss! Pyrzqxgl is the best-kept secret in transmutation magic!
Most transformations require many messy chemicals or complicated tools, as well
as arcane incantations to complete.
Often the changes they effect are impermanant or incomplete, unless the caster is of high experience.
Why bother with all of these problems, when the magic of Pyrzqxgl is more than
sufficient to bend reality to your tiniest whim?
3. How does Pyrzqxgl work?
Transending the dimension of physical, material existence there is a great manifold, fluctuations
of which create projective results in the mortal plane. This manifold is the basis for the many
Fate myths of human history (for example, the Norse legend of weaving the Fates has some
surprisingly accurate analogies to the actual manifold.)
This manifold behaves somewhat like a great piece of silk fabric, of infinite dimensions.
Most sounds create chaotic waves and ripples in this fabric which react with other waves
in completely unpredictable manners, resulting in apparently random effects occuring
in the material world.
Magic words are series of sounds whose waves exert a particular, predictable
resonance or synchronization effect on nearby waves in the fabric. Particularly
strong resonance magic words can affect waves throughout the entire endless fabric
in finite time, due to exponentially increasing frequency and wavelength.
The most potent magical words can cause a stablizing effect over the entire
fabric nearly instantaneously, which can persist and cause any manner of amazing
effects in the spaciotemporal planes.
Pyrzqxgl, of course, is one of the most potent such magical words ever discovered, causing
instant transformations limited only by the speaker's imagination.
4. How do you pronounce Pyrzqxgl?
Differently than you do, obviously. Ha ha ha!
5. No, I mean, what is the correct pronounciation of Pyrzqxgl?
This is a deep secret known to only a few magic users today, and disclosing the exact pronouncation
of the word is a deep offense in most planes of existence. Use of the word by irresponsible people
could result in a cosmos-wide calamity (hence this convenient Web tool.)
"Pyrzqxgl" is the common (unpronouncable) transliteration. Of course, the word would
not ever be written in such a fashion to easily convey the true sound of the word - the
danger would be far too great.
Even when the correct pronounciation is known, Pyrzqxgl is a very difficult word
to say. However, the pronounciation must be perfect. Some people who are missing teeth or
who have unusually large or small mouths may not even be able to pronounce it
properly. There have been a few cases in which such obstacles in students were overcome, however they are rare.
Ancient cultists were known to physically alter their tongues (through magic
or brute cutting) in order to more easily pronounce the potent word.
Many magical words need to be spoken with exactly the
same tone or tempo each time to take effect,
however intonation in Pyrzqxgl can vary from incantation to incantation!
Exactly why this is is unknown, but some psychic effect allows most experienced
magicians to affect the word correctly every time, once the pronounciation has first
been mastered. How this compensation happens is also unknown, it may be an uncanny
instinct that all magic users share, or it may be a case of a magic being so potent that
in wielding its power, the magic also wields you.
There is some alchemal evidence that over millions of years, through the shifting
and flowing of cosmic forces, the effective pronounciation of Pyrzqxgl can change,
much like the magnetic pole of the Earth.
If one is extremely well versed in mathematics, magic and the flow dynamics of the
cosmic veil, it is possible to actually calculate the series of waves that
make up the correct sound of "Pyrzqxgl". However, most students of magic that
have advanced that far in knowledge have already learned the pronounciation
why? because literary in-jokes are fun, that's why